Five Times
by Shadow Geek 123
Summary: This is a bunch of '5 times' one shots. This story might also have '5 plus 1" one shots. Characters will vary because writing about one OTP is boring and I'll ran out of ideas. Rating may change but I doubt that. Enjoy!
1. Perfect

**Hello guys! This is the first chapter of the story "Five Times." This prompt (not specifically this chapter but the '5 times Character A did this and that to Character B') is probably cliche, but what can you do except review and give me healthy criticism. I will post the next one soon, I think, probably on Dec 31 or Jan 1. It depends on the WiFi.**

 **Okay then, enjoy the story!**

 **Prompt: 5 times the Company thought Bilbo was perfect**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit. Never had and never will.**

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 **I.**

Bombur thought Bilbo was perfect. If he wasn't married to his beautiful wife, Bera, he wouldn't have minded courting a hobbit.

Really, Bilbo would be the perfect mate. He was a great cook and host, he was polite and kind to everyone (including Thorin), he didn't make fun of his weight, and most importantly, he wasn't an elf. All that was missing was the fact that Bilbo didn't have a beard!

However, he was already married and he had kids, Mahal bless his family; there was no need to think about the Hobbit. His brother, cousin, and Bera would kill him if he thought otherwise.

That didn't mean Bilbo Baggins wasn't perfect in Bombur's eyes though.

 **II.**

Bilbo Baggins was a perfect scholar, Balin thought. He was one of the only ones in the Company that actually enjoyed books (one out of three, really. The other two were him and Ori) and didn't mind talking about anything, from history to dwarf customs to languages.

(Balin didn't mind Bilbo's random and insistent questions. It reminded him of Frerin, Fíli, and Kíli when they were youngsters. He missed those times when they were curious about the world, and if he had to admit it to himself, he missed Frerin and his mischievous ways.)

If they actually defeated the dragon and reclaimed Erebor (not that he doubted Thorin and the rest of the Company, it was just too easy to doubt their mission), perhaps the advisor could convince Thorin to allow him to teach the Shireling some Khuzdul words or two.

Bilbo Baggins knew how to keep a secret and he would be perfect for such a task.

 **III.**

Kíli liked Master Boggins. He was a perfect friend. Not that he didn't like his brother's company, no, but even the Second Prince liked his time away from the blond dwarf. But Master Boggins was perfect when Kíli was either willingly or unwillingly separated from his brother.

Bilbo was surprisingly fun to be around. He told the most interesting stories he ever heard (mostly about Mater Boggins' mother's adventures), rivaling his Amad. He could take a joke well. He indulged Kíli's shenanigans yet could rival their uncle's scolding when they (admittedly) did something stupid.

He was the perfect pranking victim in the whole Company!

(It would also hone his 'danger-sense' as Uncle Thorin called it and would aid him in battle. So Mister Boggins owed him for helping him!)

 **IV.**

Dwalin was impressed (slightly!) on the Burglar's behavior. Not only did he make that mushy speech about helping them reclaim their homeland, he also protected the king even though he didn't have to nor did he have any training with his letter opener whatsoever.

(It pained him to see the small creature swing around the small weapon haphazardly. Dwalin lost count of how many times he swore the Hobbit would hit himself or a nearby companion when they were in battle.)

The warrior was impressed that the Child of the West managed to survive his first (real) battle. Not everybody could say that.

So that will be the reason Dwalin would be teaching the Burglar how to properly use his weapon. He had potential (no matter how little; in fact everyone did) and he needed all the training he can get if the Shireling wanted to survive their quest.

However, if he failed in getting the Arkenstone, there will be one pissed-off dragon ready to blast stone-melting fire.

Bilbo Baggins would be the perfect appetizer-slash-sacrifice before Smaug unleashed his fury and flames on Middle Earth should they fail.

 **V.**

Thorin could only describe Bilbo Baggins in three words: perfect yet infuriating. The Hobbit was perfect from the top of his honey-golden hair to the top of his hairy feet.

The Shireling was the perfect height for kissing his adorable forehead (not that he ever tried before). His brown eyes had a sparkle that could outshine any gold. His smile was perfect with its slightly lopsided grin.

Yet, somehow, he was infuriating. The Burglar didn't put up with his behavior (Thorin had to admit, with shame, that he didn't really give a good first impression, or any impression, really, other than his brooding mood). He was sarcastic at times, yet helpful and kind most of the time. His sword-swinging needed work but it just gave him more appeal (the dwarf had no idea why when before he liked experienced warriors).

He was an excellent cook and he worked well with younglings (Fíli and Kíli were still bloody children, mentally-wise). He got along with everybody and even managed to get under his skin, which was very hard to do (or not).

Bilbo Baggins was infuriating but that just made him perfect. He was perfect in every sense of the word.

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 **Shadow: Ok, some of them were pretty cliche, like Thorin and Kili, maybe even Balin. I can imagine Dwalin thinking this, because really, he doesn't seem to like Bilbo that much (might be because of that fan art where Dwalin was shaking Thorin during BOTFA and shouting, "I'm siding with Bilbo! BILBO!") plus since he's the first one to encounter Smaug, Bilbo will be theoretically the first one to die. I don't read much Bombur fics so I thought I'll be different, and also because I don't know what I as thinking when I wrote this fic during a _party_. *sighs* I'm pathetic.**

 **Dwalin: *distant yelling* I don't hate the Burglar, yeh stupid girl!**

 **Shadow: Thanks for the reassurance, Dwalin!**

 **Bilbo: Are you writing fanfiction of me again?  
**

 **Shadow: *yelps* Nope! No way, Bilbo! You don't see me writing fanfiction! *closes Word subtly***

 **Bilbo: Delete that right now, Shadow!**

 **Shadow: Never! The Company loves yah! Bye!**

 **Bilbo: Shadow!**


	2. Not a Stranger

**Hallo everyone. I'm back! Please enjoy the story. And if any character I mentioned is OOC, please ignore that. Review, favorite, follow, and stuff like that. If you want to criticize, please do so, I'm not stopping you. Also, this is for my sister, as it is her birthday, though this chapter doesn't really have anything to do with her. I'm just posting this on her birthday.**

 **The prompt is: 5 times Bilbo had met Thorin.**

 **Disclaimer: I'm not dead, therefore I don't own the Hobbit.**

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 **I.**

Bilbo met a dwarf once when he was just a small fauntling. He had gotten separated and lost when he and Mama were traveling (Daddy didn't like leaving the Shire much) and it was getting dark. It made the fauntling very nervous as he tried to find his way back to his mother.

"Hmm? What is this?" A deep voice, deeper than Grandpa Gerontius' voice, asked from somewhere above him.

Bilbo looked up to see a taller being, probably a dwarf like in Mama's books with pictures (he never seen a Hobbit with a beard before besides the Stoors, but this person was a bit taller than the average Hobbit yet shorter than a Man). He was wary of the stranger that had appeared out of the shadows.

"Are you lost, little one?" He knelt down. Bilbo felt a little safer since the stranger was no longer towering over him. He couldn't remember what really happened after except that the night was a blur and the next morning he was being smothered to death by Mama.

He didn't remember much of the trip. The only thing that stuck in his mind clearly was the bright blue eyes of the dwarf that helped him.

 **II.**

The second time he met his savior was five years later in Grandpa Gerontius' office. He was playing with some tops when he arrived with another dwarf that held an extreme resemblance to his savior. Bilbo didn't know if the second dwarf was male or female with their blue eyes, strong yet soft face structure, and wavy, silky hair. It was rude to ask but the curious fauntling had to know.

All he got was a laugh from the second dwarf and a raised eyebrow from his savior. Maybe he didn't like his companion to be insulted? Bilbo should apologize.

And he would have, if he wasn't shooed out of the office after he had greeted the dwarves (properly like a respectable Hobbit) and examined the first dwarf for a moment. He pouted; he didn't even get the dwarves' names!

What he remembered next was the unique (for a Hobbit, anyway) style of hair and the fact he didn't have a long beard (according to Mama, dwarves loved their hair).

(He wondered if their hair was precious to them as feet were to Hobbits. He would have to ask the next time they meet, should they ever meet.)

 **III.**

Bilbo saw the dwarf again during the Fell Winter. Frankly, the young hobbit didn't care at the moment because he just lost both of his parents to the wolves and the sight of the dwarf wouldn't cheer him up, because, really, he didn't even know him! Bilbo didn't know his name, where he was from, if he preferred cakes over candy, or even if he had family (that wasn't true; the second dwarf (the one he had insulted) looked remarkably like his savior). He didn't know anything about him!

But even in his grief and shock, he couldn't help but notice the way the dwarf swung his heavy-looking sword expertly.

(He must be a warrior or even just someone strong to lift something that heavy!)

 **IV.**

The next time Bilbo saw him was when he reached his Coming of Age ceremony. It was just a glimpse, really, and Bilbo had no idea why he was in the Shire in the first place. The now-adult briefly thought of inviting the dwarf to join the festivities (after all, everyone was having fun and it wouldn't do at all if someone was glum on his birthday) before he was swept into a dance by one of his cousins from the Baggins side.

He vanished later and the only thing he could clearly remember was the blue fur coat the dwarf always seemed to wear, even in their first meetings.

(Maybe it was a favorite item of his, like Bilbo with his monogrammed handkerchief?)

 **V.**

Bilbo didn't see the dwarf again until he was 50 years old and even then he was in Bree, not in the Shire.

It was one of his now rare visits outside Hobbiton to buy spices and ingredients for cooking and perhaps some new crockery and silverware to add to replace the ones Lobelia (blast those Sackville-Baggins) stole.

After doing what he needed to do, he decided to go to the Prancing Pony. It wasn't the Green Dragon but it would do and Bilbo was quite thirsty from all the haggling he did earlier. After all, it was quite fun yet tiring to haggle. It was practice for all the comebacks he have to make in all his future arguments with his relatives ( _cough_ Lobelia _cough_ ).

Of course, with his luck, he met the dwarf (not officially; he _still_ didn't even know his name), who was drinking already. Bilbo briefly stared at the pile of tankards the dwarf had; was he not drunk yet? After realizing his manners, the Hobbit looked away.

He noticed the way he acted and smiled and frowned with his fellow dwarves. Perhaps they were having business in Bree? If he was, Bilbo really shouldn't disturb them; it was not his business to meddle in another race's business.

(Bilbo Baggins had no idea that he would officially meet the dwarf two weeks later and accompany him and twelve others on a quest to slay a dragon and reclaim Erebor.)

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 **Bilbo: Why am I meeting Thorin all the time?**

 **Shadow: Because I'm changing your past...?**

 **Thorin: You sound unsure of that, Geek.**

 **Shadow: Not that I mind being called a geek, why are you calling me that?**

 **Thorin: Because you are one.**

 **Shadow: This is another case of you calling Bilbo 'Hobbit' or 'Burglar,' isn't it?**

 **Thorin: It's none of your business, Geek.**

 **Bilbo: Shadow, come back here and explain!**

 **Shadow: *runs* Bye, Bilbo! Bye, Thorin!**


	3. Additional Mom

**I'm back with another chapter. I probably won't post another chapter any time soon, as I have school (I hate it), and that I don't have a computer to use unless I go to the computer shop. Mahal and Yavannah help me.**

 **As for the reviews, thank you so much Leona2016! You're the first one I've actively replied to because 'Five Times' is my second multi-chapter story and I didn't get the chance to reply to the others in my first story. My sis says 'thanks' by the way, even if she didn't voiced it out loud. But I know her, and she's happy. So thanks!**

 **Enjoy the story and review! I like reading them; it makes me so happy! After all, a happy author posts more chapters. (I'm not pressuring any though)**

 **Disclaimer: Mahal and Yavannah will smite me if I ever say I own the Hobbit.**

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 **I.**

It started out as a joke; Bilbo Baggins couldn't help himself and started lecturing the Durin heirs on how to behave in one's house and how they shouldn't bring weapons and to _not_ wipe their feet on their host's mother's glory box – especially that – and not to throw crockery and silverware around – someone could get hurt – and could they put away their weapons themselves – he is not as strong as them – and –

"Sure, _Mom_ ," Kíli rolled his eyes. He really wasn't listening, but Mahal, Mister Boggins reminded him of their Amad at that moment and he couldn't help but let out some sarcasm. Maybe Mister Boggins would stop in favor of thinking _why_ he was called a female. After all, Mister Boggins acted so feminine like every female of any race he'd met.

Fíli grinned, "Aye, Mom, we already know. Amad already lectured us, yah know."

They left Bilbo there on that spot by the door leading to the kitchen, blinking his eyes bewilderedly for the better part of an hour, before the Hobbit promptly left for his room, intent on getting a drink to forget the night's events. Really, him going on an adventure – a suicidal one!– to steal from a _dragon_ of all creatures, and on top of that, being called a mother! What was wrong with people these days?

 **II.**

They got another lecture outside the troll cave; Bilbo had withheld them from entering the stinky cave in favor of reprimanding them on their safety. (And for good reason! Those two didn't know the meaning of _safety_!)

Fíli interrupted, already annoyed and guilt-filled from Uncle Thorin's scolding. "Yes, Mom. We know better than to rush into battle. This isn't the first time." Why was the Hobbit even bothering? They did this kind of things all the time! It's not like a small single creature like him can stop them.

"You act more like a mom than I ever seen, Master Boggins. You're even more of a mother hen than Dori is."

"Then act like it, boys! Your mother isn't here to keep you in line and your uncle is busy with his duties and worrying about everyone and everything!" Bilbo snapped, brown eyes glinting with a touch of anger and worry. "It seems like I'm the only one who can keep an eye on you two at most times!"

The Hobbit stomped away, leaving the two brothers behind thinking of their actions.

 **III.**

Bilbo knew instantly that Fíli and Kíli would call him by that dreaded and rather insulting nickname when the blond turned to him from the other side of the clearing.

"Mom! Come here; we have somethin' ta show yah!"

Why, oh why, did they call him their mother? They have a live one; he checked with Balin! Were they dropped on their head when they were a babe? Was it some mental illness they got and no one bothered to inform him? Or were they just being their annoying selves? He was in no way feminine. The others didn't even bother trying to stop it! He was annoyed especially the heirs.

"Yah better go, _Mom_ ," Bofur gleefully teased from beside him, ribbing him.

The Hobbit groaned, walking towards the Princes.

 **IV.**

Kíli was bored, worried, and scared (and maybe he had a tiny crush on the red-headed she-elf, but don't tell the others; they'll kill him). He had nothing to do; he was scared of what the Elvenking would do to them; especially Uncle Thorin and Fíli; and he was worried about Mom, er, Bilbo.

OK, he probably shouldn't call the Burglar that, because he wasn't a woman. But he sure as hell acts like his real Amad (Dís had a soft side at times). Mister Boggins grew on him and he wondered what happened to the small Hobbit.

He was worried that Bilbo was captured, hurt, or worse, still with the huge-ass spiders, getting ready to be eaten. What if he was still in the forest? Here the Company was, relatively safe, even if captured and very hungry, and the Burglar could be lost or dead already.

So when Bilbo's head popped out and startled the brunet, he yelped in relief as he tripped over his boots, "MOM?!"

He heard Fíli call out, "You're okay, Mom!"

" _Shh!_ "

 **V.**

"Well, you're finally part of the family, Bilbo," Kíli smiled, strained as he still hurt in his torso.

"Yup, I guess we can officially call you Mom, then."

The hobbit rolled his eyes, glancing around the partying room. It was filled with Dwarrows, Elves, and Men alike. There was Gandalf next to Thranduil and there were even some Hobbits that came out of the Shire to attend the festivities (of course, most were Tooks and Brandybucks). Thorin only wanted the Dwarrows and Hobbits to attend, but Bilbo was adamant to invite the Elves and Men. "When will you stop calling me by that infernal name, lads?"

"Do ya rather we call ya Auntie?"

"…Fine, but it's your heads if your mother hears, you hear me, boys? Thorin and I are already in trouble for starting the wedding without her." Bilbo muttered under his breath as he recalled the reprimanding both he and his new husband received after the vows. Of course, that was hours ago and in a private room, but the Burglar's ears still rang as he thought about it.

"Sure, Mom," Fíli put an arm around his shoulders. "Whatever ya say."

Kíli did the same, successfully squishing the Hobbit between the two Dwarrows. "Welcome to the family, Mom."

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 **Bilbo: You sure like writing about me, don't you?**

 **Shadow: Sue me. I have them written down in order. If I mess this up, I'll forget which chapter is next and whatnot. Anyway, how do you like being called a mother?**

 **Bilbo: *sniffs* Well, if it's to keep them out of trouble, I'll willingly endure their torture. No one is keeping them out of trouble in the Company.**

 **Shadow: And being married to Thorin?**

 **Bilbo: *red-faced* Shut up.**

 **Shadow: Whatever you say, Bilbo. You'll thank me later anyway. Bye!**


	4. Bofur's Hat

**Hey everybody! I'm back! This is a treat for all of you from me 'cause it's my birthday!** **Yay for everyone!**

 **(Though I'm also hating it and pitying the Americans because, if my info was correct, Trump is swearing his oath today and that just sucks. No offense to anyone, but why did anyone vote for him?)**

 **Anyway, enjoy my mathom from me to you!**

 **Disclaimer: Despite the fact it's birthday, I don't own this book and I highly doubt Tolkien would gift this to me.**

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 **I.**

Bofur gazed hard at the Hobbit as he tried to sleep but all he was doing was tossing and turning in his sleeping pack. Master Baggins was shivering as well. The poor thing didn't have a pillow either (nor did he use his bag as a pillow).

He looked at the hat on his lap – the same hat that was given to him from his Amad when he was just a wee lad. It was warm and comfy and generally mood-lifting despite its (ridiculous) appearance.

He didn't really want to lend it to the burglar but the wizard had explained that it would be his first time out of the Shire, and Bofur knew how it felt to leave a home. It would be so terribly lonely and frightening, especially when he knew no one. Besides, he scared and made the gentle being faint when said being fed, watered, and gave the Dwarrows a place to sleep, despite the fact they were obviously not invited in the first place.

He owed the Hobbit, and plus, he could make the lad see that not all Dwarrows were bad.

He stood up and went over to the shivering creature, who was away from the group. Master Baggins sat up as he neared him.

"C-Can I h-help you, Master Bofur?" he stuttered, teeth chattering.

The toymaker shook his head. "Nay, lad. It's more like _I_ help _you_. I noticed yeh were cold and I wanted to lend me hat ta yeh." He held out the hat.

"No, no! I couldn't do that!" The Hobbit waved his spindly arms around. "It's your hat and you'll get cold later!"

Bofur laughed. "We Dwarrows are hardier than you lot, Master Baggins. Jus' take tha hat – it'll make meh feel better – an' it's jus' fer one night."

The shorter being hesitated but Bofur was patient. Master Baggins eventually accepted the floppy thing, especially after a strong gust of wind that shook him. He fell asleep after a few minutes.

Bofur went back to his family and his sleeping pack, smiling. It felt great, the feeling he got from lending his hat to one who needed it.

He'll be sure to do it again.

 **II.**

He plopped his hat on Kíli's dark head. The brunet started from his (most likely dark) thoughts.

"Dun' be sad, laddie, tha trolls weren't yer fault."

"But it was!" the prince protested. His face was scrunched up as he continued, "If I just looked after the ponies like I should have, if I didn't send Master Boggins to the trolls, if I was just being careful, none of this –!"

Bofur interrupted the prince. He didn't like seeing the barely-grown adult sad. He was one of the happiest people around (he should know, traveling as he did as he looked for work) and the toymaker knew the lad when he was a wee babe (close enough, anyway).

"It's 'what ifs,' Kíli. Yeh din't know 'bout tha trolls. We're all at fault too."

"But –"

"No buts, Kíli," the tinker said seriously, unlike his usual attitude. "Now, 'ave I ever told yeh 'bout the time me 'n' Dwalin joined tha Great Brawl of the Proud Lion in tha city of Gondor?"

"No, but Bo–"

He continued, pretending that the youngest prince was speaking, "Well, it started like this, yeh see…" He told the story with precise memory, enrapturing Kíli, Fíli, Ori, and Bilbo's attention with his details.

He relished the fact that Kíli was being comforted by both his words and the ridiculous-looking hat on his messy mane of a head.

 **III.**

Bofur hesitated before approaching the blond Prince. Fíli was numb to the bone and was most likely shocked that he nearly fell to his death. Master Oakenshield didn't give comfort to the blond, as he was busy ordering around the other members of the Company, and Kíli was being attended to by Oin because of a rather nasty gash on his arm.

"'Ow are yeh doing, lad?"

"Fine, Bofur," Fíli replied dully, staring at the dirt. "…I almost died."

The toymaker nodded. "We all almost died out there."

"…I didn't realize that we might die before we reach Erebor."

Bofur didn't know how to react to that. The thought crossed his mind once or twice every time they encountered danger but it never occurred to him fully that some might not survive theend of the perilous quest. It scared him.

"Do yeh want me hat? Fer tonight?" At the look Fíli gave him, he explained, "Me Amad gave it ta me. She said it gives off happy thoughts 'n' the like. Yeh look like yeh need it more than me."

The Heir Apparent gradually accepted it with a small smile. Bofur gave another smile before he left for his guarding post.

 **IV.**

Bofur cuddled his big-boned (he would not say 'fat' unless in jest) brother.

Bombur almost didn't make it at the forest with the wargs and felling of the pine tree they were in. He was distraught and both Bofur and Bifur were comforting him.

The toymaker's hat was nestled on the head of the orange-haired Dwarf. Bofur didn't care a bit. Bombur used to try out his hat when he first got it and still had a habit of stealing his headwear when he was upset.

Bombur fell asleep with his cousin guarding and Bofur singing softly an old Dwarvish lullaby, hat comfortably nestled on his head.

 **V.**

Ori was panicking, crying out for his brothers who were in their own cells. Bofur didn't stop him, wanting to cry out for his own family unit too, but refrained as it would only frighten the scribe more.

He had to be the responsible adult now when it was the two of them. The other members were no help as they were all scattered around the Elvish dungeon.

When the 'Ri's throat was hoarse from crying out and his eyes were red, Bofur finally moved. He draped an arm around the lad's shoulders, bringing him close.

Bofur talked. He talked about Erebor. He talked about his travels. He talked about his friends, his jobs from before the quest, his family. He talked about his dreams and hopes and the future. He lulled and soothed the shy and unnerved Dwarf.

When they fell asleep, neither noticed that Bofur's hat had migrated to Ori.

 **1**

Bofur sighed, reaching up to tug at a floppy hat ear only to tug at nothing. Oh yeah, he lost his mother's gift during the Battle a few days ago. He was miserable; Thorin, Fíli, and Kíli died; and his hat wasn't there to comfort him.

He was going to miss them so much. The lads were his favorites when they were younglings and he even managed to befriend and open up Thorin (that was mostly Bilbo's doing, though)! He was going to miss their pranks, jokes and smiles, and Thorin's brooding and rare laughs.

Barely adults (he meant the Princes) and had just reclaimed their homeland, the King and Princes under the Mountain were dead.

A familiar weight landed on his head. He reached up to find his hat. In front of him were his brother and cousin.

Bifur spoke in Khuzdul, " **We found it near the corpses of the wargs.** "

"We knew you would want it back," Bombur added softly.

Tears rushed into his eyes and he lunged for his brother and cousin, trapping them into a hug. They hugged back just as hard, ignoring the tears.

Bofur knew at once that these two, he could always count on them coming back to him. If they were in any danger, the toymaker would ensure that no harm befall them. He would gladly murder anyone that should dare to harm his family.

And that was the truth.

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 **Bofur: 'Ow come Thorin, Fíli and Kíli doesn't get ta be alive, lass?**

 **Shadow: It would get boring if they always survive, no matter how much I want it tty of be otherwise. And I want people to suffer like I did. Hehe..**

 **Bofur: Lass, yer one evil child, 'specially in yer special day.**

 **Shadow: On the contrary, Bofur, I'm not evil according to my sister. I'm mild at best. And anyway, you and your family gets to live, don't they?**

 **Bofur: Touch them an' yeh'll get a taste of me mattock, yeh hear?**

 **Shadow: That's the spirit, Bofur!** **Think of all the things that could have happened. Please excuse me while I try not to cry for the Durin's horrible deaths.**

 **(I'm horrible for doing this to myself and to you, readers. Please forgive me. I don't deserve reviews, but as it is my birthday... I hope to get some as a gift! *puppy eyes*)**


	5. Shirtless

**Hiya. I'm back. Sorry for the wait. I'm rather busy with school (who isn't in this website?) and I have to say, I'm failing in some of my subjects. Like my Trig and Filipino. Ugh, for someone who lived in the Philippines their whole lives, I'm a failure. I just hope I get a passing grade next Grading.**

 **I like to say thank you to Leona2016. I like your review and I would also like to see Thorin and/or Dwalin wearing Bofur's hat but sadly, I didn't know how to get that into the one shot. But hopefully you'll like this one; it's Dwori! Those two are so cute together.**

 **Also, thanks for the greeting; it made my day!**

 **Disclaimer: You know the drill, I don't own anything but my stories. If I did, I'll be super rich. Well, maybe not, but you get the idea, my dear readers.**

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 **I.**

The first time happened when they stopped near the stream a few days past Bree.

Ori, who decided to take a bath when he could (he got his sense of hygiene from Dori), left for the stream. He rather not smelt as bad as he thought he did. After all, he wasn't like Nori who didn't care for his hygiene. He preferred to be clean, despite the fact they might not encounter many towns or rivers for the Company to bathe in.

Unfortunately for the young dwarf, the dwarf Nori called Dwalin was already there along with a couple other dwarrows. Ori could remember seeing the burly dwarf during his childhood as he and Dori would bail out the second brother or when said guard would drop the thief in. He never got a good look of him because their meetings were always quick and both his brothers wouldn't allow him to get close.

The scribe backtracked before he was seen. Ori felt self-conscious. He wasn't as big as the other dwarrows. He was one of the youngest in the Company. He didn't have any tattoos depicting any battles he fought.

It was also the first time he saw anyone shirtless save for his brothers.

 **II.**

The next time, Dwalin had simply taken off his shirt in front of the Company, much to Ori's blushing and the Hobbit's spluttering. No one else batted an eye at this as several others took off their outer wear, though his brothers did give him a look.

He spent the night being bothered by Dori (Mahal, his big brother was fussy) and his other brother was glaring at the guard. Since this was a normal thing, no one cared but the scribe knew that it was because of him eyeing Dwalin.

(He couldn't help but ogle at the burly dwarf's chest tattoos. Damn, those were some tattoos he had!)

 **III.**

He couldn't avoid this time because, well, he was a dwarf, and a dwarf can't help but annoy elves. It's in his very nature! And if desecrating a public place would annoy elves, he would gladly be shirtless. After all, dwarves weren't shy.

(He would never tell anyone that he felt sorry for jumping around naked and destroying any sense of sanity and peace in the elves. Ever. And also that he destroyed any chance he had on reading their books in Westron. Imagine all the knowledge he could attain!)

Ori wouldn't object to seeing Dwalin shirtless again and he got to see a bit more than he thought he would.

 **IV.**

The fourth time the scribe saw Dwalin shirtless was when he had to stitch up the Dwarf's arm. Oin was busy with the other members, so that left Dori and Ori to help with Oin's workload. It wasn't that horrible, considering it came from an orc sword, and Ori could handle the small wound. Why Dwalin couldn't do it himself, as he got wounds every time he sparred, causing him to know the basics of stitching, Ori didn't know but he wasn't complaining.

The scribe didn't mind that he got to stitch the guard because he was so close to Dwalin. He never gotten this close before, at least not when they were actually resting and not running for their lives. Thorin's second-in-command didn't seem to mind much either when Ori trailed his hand across the wound longer than he should have.

 **V.**

The fifth time was the beginning for both Ori and Dwalin. It was their wedding night and both dwarrows had been pining for each other for the better part of the quest. The scribe was delighted when he found out that the guard liked him too.

(They avoided the mentioning of both Dori and Nori threatening to castrate the guard should he ever hurt Ori and of the argument of Balin with the rest of the 'Ri brothers. It was too embarrassing to remember, as it was in front of the dignitaries of each race.)

They were excited for this night and nothing was going to stop them from getting each other shirtless and more.

Enough was said.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **I am so sorry about the last part! I am awkward and I never wrote anything remotely like a sex scene. My mother will kill me if she ever finds out that I'm writing those kinds of stories, never mind the fact I never wrote one. She overreacts too much.**

 **Anyway, enough ranting. I hope you liked the story so far. I know I did, until the last part.**

 **Ori:** **I-is this really necessary, Shadow? I don't feel comfortable letting everyone know about this...**

 **Shadow: Come on, Ori. You didn't have a problem letting Dwalin know.**

 **Ori: T-that was different!**

 **Shadow: Well, you'll have to get use to it. I'm getting used to writing about you and Dwalin. Not necessarily I'm that order. Hehe. Anyway, I hoped everyone liked this. I gotta go, bye~**


	6. Random Strays

**Sup, I'm back from school. I hope you like this guys; I did. Tilda's so adorable in here!**

 **Thanks again** **Leona2016 for reviewing. And thank you, Thilbo4Ever, also** **. I would welcome any prompts you want me to write. It would help with my current writer's block. Also, the next one will be Thilbo, promise.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit and I probably never will**.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **I.**

"Daddy! Daddy! Can we keep her?" Tilda cried out from behind the fisherman, who was putting away the nets from his boat.

Bard turned from his work to see his youngest holding a young, thin, sickly-looking puppy whose fur was an unrecognizable color as it was also covered in mud and dirt.

It looked too ill to be saved, with its starved look and flea-bitten coat of dirty fur.

He was about to reply 'no' but he was enraptured in Tilda's own version of puppy eyes.

"Fine," he sighed. The blond squealed in delight as she nearly glomped him off the boat mindful of the dog.

(Knowing Tilde, she still would have kept the pup and would have been determined to save it, no matter what. It was a very admirable quality, Bard thought, but also a bad one. For him, at any rate.)

He kept themselves steady, precariously balancing himself and his armful. He didn't even want to think what would happen if he, Tilda, and the dog fell into the freezing water.

 **II.**

"Daddy!" He heard his youngest call from behind him. In fact, right next to his ear. Bard rubbed his ear to get the ringing out of his ear as he turned in his seat.

"No, we can't keep h- " Bard stopped when he saw the tears in Tilda's blue eyes. He panicked, remembering the times the blonde would throw a tantrum for her strays. "Fine. Until it's fat, alright?"

"Yay! Thanks Da!" The blonde immediately cheered up, making Bard think that she was faking. The animal in her arms gave a faint 'meow.'

 **III.**

"Da, it's hurt!"

Bard gave a sigh. Tilda had a habit of bringing home strays and he had no want of her crying, fake or not. Sigrid and Bain agreed with him wholeheartedly on that.

"Until it's healed, Tilda, it can stay." He decided, turning back to his meager breakfast before leaving for work. It was too early for everything yet somehow his daughter found the time to bring home another one of her pets.

The yellow bird looked comfortable on her hands. At least it wasn't a dog again.

 **IV.**

"Hi, Da! I've made a new friend!"

The blond wood elf looked uncomfortable on his seat and so did Sigrid and Bain. Tilda just looked as happy as she could be, handing the elf a cup of water.

"...Hello." The male elf gave a short bow to the human and Bard returned it, being respectful to what he knew must be royalty, referring to the bow. "I am Legolas."

Yes, royalty indeed. "Bard, at your service. I assume you already know my children's names? "

"Yes, I do. Your youngest had introduced them to me upon my arrival."

"I... see."

Bard didn't even know how his youngest daughter met an elf nor did he think he wanted to know. He just knew he had to be respectful to the Greenwood's Prince if he wanted to keep the relationship between their races friendly.

(He didn't want to think what The Master would do to his family - not to mention the other villagers - if King Thranduil took back his support.)

He just hoped his children knew of the risks in having their ally's son in their home and did not insult the elf.

 **V.**

"Da, our friends are visiting." Tilda announced the moment he had stepped foot into his home. It wasn't necessary as he could hear the noise from the town's square and it just magnified when he entered.

Bard stared at the thirteen ransacking dwarves plus one quiet hobbit in his home. His children were all smiling and chatting and Tilda was in the middle of the rowdy group, sandwiched between the two Princes of Erebor.

"Sigrid you're in charge. Don't let Fíli or Kíli destroy anything or let Nori steal anything."

"Why? Where are you going, King Bard?" The dwarf called Ori questioned.

"Out. I need a drink."

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Shadow: How do you like it, folks? Was it funny enough for yah? I did like writing this piece.** **And sorry if it is too short. This is not my best work.**

 **Bard: It wasn't funny, Shadow. Our home was swimming with animals every other week.**

 **Shadow: Aww, but you wouldn't squash your daughter's wish of having a pet, would you?**

 **Bard: ...No, no I won't...**

 **Shadow: *smirks***

 **Tilda: Da, can I have puppy? Please? Or a cat? They're nicer and easier to keep.**

 **Bard: *groans***

 **Tilda: Fíli and Kíli have a pet pig from their uncle Dain; why can't I have a pet pig too?** **It'll be fun and can strengthen our bond with the Iron Hills!**

 **Shadow: Bye Bard, enjoy your time with Tilda. I'm off for school work again. *runs off***

 **Bard: Shadow!**


	7. Jealous

**I'm back early, my wonderful readers. I am so happy for no reason whatsoever. Could be the amount of reviews and views I get. Yeah, that's it.**

 **Leona2016: Thanks for the prompts you gave me; I'll be sure to use them. Though there will be no guarantee that they'll show up in the near future, OK? I have some of my own and I intend to post dome of them first. But good news, I'm already working on one of your prompts.**

 **Thilbo4Ever: You're welcome! Please continue to review. Also, here's the Bagginshield you asked for, though this may not be what you had in mind!**

 **Oh yeah, t** **his just popped up in my mind. Thank you everyone that followed, liked, and favorited (is this the correct word?) this story, plus read this story so far. Thanks!**

 **Anyway, I just can't help but imagine the way Thorin would get so mad over the fact people are flirting with his Hobbit (in his eyes) and he can't do anything obvious except break them apart and Bilbo is so oblivious and the Company is just waiting for those two to confess! Gaah, they're soo cute together!**

 **I hope you'll like this one, guys!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own the Hobbit. If I did, Bagginshield would be canon and the Durins wouldn't have died.**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **I.**

Thorin glared at the pompous elf and his trouble-making sons. Why are they so near the Burglar? Don't they have other businesses to take care of than to flirt with one of his Company members? Like jumping off a cliff or into an active volcano? Surely the Halfling wasn't _that_ interesting. And why was Master Baggins even with them anyway? This was preposterous!

He needed to be with the Company this instant!

"Master Baggins!" he called, interrupting one of Elrond's spawn in mid-sentence. He ignored his fellow kin's bewildered looks and Gandalf's smile. He was focused on the Halfling alone.

The Burglar looked at the damn leaf-eaters, _'probably excusing himself like the polite hobbit he is_ before turning to the Dwarrows. "Yes, Master Oakenshield?"

The soon-to-be King was at a loss for once in a long time. For once, he acted on impulse. He caught sight of Fíli and Kíli. "My sister-sons wanted to speak to you."

"What?" Kíli started. "But we - oof!"

Fíli had elbowed his brother in the stomach upon seeing Thorin's fierce glare. "Yeah! Can you come here, Master Baggins?"

The Hobbit shrugged and walked towards the Company after excusing himself. The Dwarf King couldn't keep back a smirk as he watched the small being come closer.

Thorin didn't notice the elves', Gandalf's, and the older dwarrows' knowing looks. His eyes were on the Shireling the whole time.

 **II.**

"Master Baggins!" Bilbo's curly head leaped up. "I have something to ask of you!"

Bilbo looked at Fíli, Kíli, and Bofur, asking silently if it was OK. They all smiled at him, Kíli and Bofur with a grin, making him really uncomfortable somehow. Did they _have_ to grin that mischievously?

(It reminded him of the times his cousin Flambard would plan a prank on their relativescousin and somehow get Bilbo in trouble as well.)

"Aye, lad," Bofur started. "If Thorin's askin' for yah, it's best yah hurry."

The brunet prince nodded heavily, brown hair flying everywhere, adding, "Uncle Thorin gets really angry if you're not there in a minute or less."

"His patience isn't that good," Fíli supplied, 'sagely' nodding his blond head, or as sagely as the young prince could look.

"Burglar!" the dwarf leader called again, sounding rather vexed.

"See?" the three dwarfs Bilbo was talking to intoned.

Bilbo walked away, sad that their conversation was cut off so abruptly (who knew that the brothers had so many pranks piled up in their lifetime or the fact that Bofur could sing just about anything?). Thorin stood in front of hin, glaring again with arms crossed. The Hobbit looked up to the taller being.

"Yes, Master Oakenshield?"

"Go and help Bomber cook. I will not have you be a burden to this Company," Thorin ordered. "And stay away from my nephews and Bofur. They don't need anyone distracting them from their training and duties, Halfling."

The dwarf left, leaving an angry and confused Hobbit behind.

 **III.**

Thorin stared at the Hobbit, who was talking to the skin-changer. He looked remarkably well for one who was dazed and shivering the whole way up the mountain, battered and ran down by goblins and orcs down the mountain, and then traveled to this house. It was a nice change from the usual defeated and weakling look.

He knew the Burglar was hiding from him and was still confused and possibly a little irritated at him for interrupting most of his conversations (frankly, seeing a frustrated Bilbo Baggins was adorable and he did not regret his actions at all).

Well, he would have to interrupt again; he needed to discuss things with the giant. (And if it meant separating the two, so - WHAT IN MAHAL'S SMALLCLOTHES IS THE DAMN SKIN-CHANGER DOING, HUGGING AND CALLING _HIS_ HOBBIT A RABBIT?! HE'S KILLING BILBO, DAMN IT! Time to intervene _now!_ )

"Excuse me, Master Beorn, " Thorin gritted his teeth as he glared at his host. "May we talk? Outside, if you do not mind?"

Beorn grinned widely (he had to be doing this deliberately!), canines bared like a, well, canine. "Of course, Thorin Oakenshield. I shall talk to you more later, little bunny." He put Bilbo down, who looked a little winded.

"As you wish," Bilbo gasped, breathing in more air.

 _'No you won't, you stupid giant,'_ Thorin thought angrily, stomping towards the garden. _'I'll keep you from my Company if I have to.'_

The last thought he had before he exited the house was, _'Since when did the Shireling became Bilbo?'_

 **IV.**

Bard had no idea why that unsettling dwarf by the window was glaring at him. He wasn't doing anything aside from resting next to the Child of the West, a Hobbit, if his memory served him correct.

Oh... OH!

Did the dwarf like the hobbit? Was that why he looked like he wanted to commit murder? He already have kids and will _always_ be loyal to his wife (even if she was dead). He's not going to steal his fancy; that was not his kind of style.

Looking around at his guests, his guess was correct. The older-looking dwarves and even the younger ones were looking at the two with the universal look of 'Just kiss already!'

 _'Should I tease the two?'_ Bard thought silently. _'Perhaps I should. There's not much entertainment around here, aside from antagonizing Alfrid.'_

The bowman leaned down considerably to softly comment in the Halfling's ear. "Is Master Thorin always like that, Master Baggins."

"Certainly. I have no doubt he would drag either you or me off soon, as he did every time I strike a conversation with someone, save Gandalf or the older Company members." Bard admitted silently that frowning gave the shorter creature a certain cuteness. No wonder Thorin Oakenshield fancied the Baggins.

The man eyed the fuming dwarf. If looks could kill, he would be buried twice the size of the Lonely Mountain underground. He chuckled and continued, "Do you know the reason why he is like that? "

"No, Master Bard, but if you do, please te-"

Bard was pulled away from the Shireling by the arm. He gazed down at the dwarf that had his arm in a vice-like grip.

"Come, Master Bard," Thorin all but snarled. "I have business to discuss with you."

Bard grinned at the frustrated hobbit and the smirking dwarves. It was worth teasing the dwarf even if he entered a shouting match.

 **V.**

"STAY AWAY FROM HIM, YOU WEED EATER!"

"Why should I, Oh Fool Under the Mountain?"

"I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU TOUCH A SINGLE HAIR ON HIM!"

"You dare threaten me, Oakenshield? My healers are the ones healing you; _I_ was the one who saved you from the hands of Mandos. You owe me."

"I owe you nothing, traitor!"

"Perhaps I would take Master Baggins as my payment."

"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO HIM! AT ALL!"

"And you do?"came the cool reply.

"HE'S _MY_ HOBBIT-BURGLAR!"

Now the cool voice heated up. "THAT DIDN'T STOP YOU FROM NEARLY THROWING HIM OFF THE BATTELMENTS!"

"YOU POMPOUS ELF! I'LL KILL YOU!"

"YOU CAN'T EVEN GET UP FROM YOUR BED, YOU FOOL!"

Bilbo snapped at the two squabbling knows before Thorin could retaliate, fed up with all the yelling. "Enough, you two! This has been going on for the whole day, and it isn't even Lunch yet!"

The Elvenking and Dwarf king turned towards the Shireling. The Company, Gandalf, and the other elves in the tent were staring at him as well.

"Are you toddlers or are you kings? I seen fauntlings more mature than you two!" Bilbo exclaimed exasperatedly. He ignored the complaints from the monarchs and the muffled coughs from the others. "Thorin, why are you so against me talking to King Thranduil?"

"Because he's an elf! You can't trust elves!"

Thranduil interjected, "Clearly Oakenshield is deranged. Perhaps you shall leave, Master Baggins, before you are infected with his madness?"

"Why you -"

"King Thranduil, stop aggravating Thorin. He'll pull his stitches and I won't get the gold-sickness. Hobbits are not attracted to gold at all," Bilbo ordered. He turned to the ravenette. "And what about your nephews and Bofur? Ori? Beorn and Bard? Every time I talk to anyone, you interrupt us! Not to mention, _he's_ the one who saved you from the brink of death!"

Thorin grimaced but didn't say anything. He looked away and Bilbo was ready to pull his hair out or shout, perhaps both. Annoyed, Bilbo stormed out of the tent, nearly bumping into Bard.

"Bilbo?"

"Go away, Bard!" He called back. "I'm annoyed at everyone, especially King Thorin the Stupid Grumpy Jerk!"

He knew that everyone could hear him, knew that he was being childish (even though the insults weren't that good), but he didn't care. Thorn was being childish for the whole quest!

Bino didn't know how long he walked around the camp but it was definitely past Lunch and was nearing Tea and while his stomach was rumbling for food, he was sitting on a log overlooking the desolate battlefield.

"You know," Balin sat down on his right. He would have fell if the dwarf didn't catch his arm, righting him. "Thorin has a reason for acting the way he is."

"He has a reason for ruining any potential friendships I can get on this journey?"

"Aye," Bard sat down on the other side of the Shirelingjourney, startling him too. "I remember when I was still courting my lovely Astrid. I kept scaring other suitors away every time they talked to her."

The Baggins eyed the Man. "Why are you talking about your wife? I mean no offense, but that has nothing to do with this situation."

"It does. I was jealous every time Astrid talked to others too," Bard argued.

"What does that mean exactly?"

The old advisor laughed. "Every time you talked to someone that was not Thorin, he drove them or you away from each other. He saw them as a threat, Bilbo." Seeing the blank look on the Hobbit's face, he continued, "He _likes_ you, Bilbo."

"I don't know much about dwarf customs, but even I could tell in the short time you lot stayed in my house that he likes you."

It took a minute for Bilbo to take in the information before he leaped up from his seat."WHAT?!"

"He likes you, Master Baggins."

"That idiot," he muttered under his breath and turned to stomp towards the direction of the Royal Medical Tent.

Bard called, "Where are you going?"

"I'm going back to the tent to kiss that stupid dwarf then tell him off for being a jealous prat!" Bilbo called out.

If he had looked back at the two or to the side, he would have noticed the smiles on the two or the two hidden forms, one cursing violently and the other grinning as he received the bag of coins, respectively.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Shadow: Thorin and Thranduil sure loves to argue, don't they, Bilbo?**

 **Bilbo: You knew Thorin likes me?!**

 **Shadow: Duh. it's rather obvious. For one that's so observant, you're rather oblivious.**

 **Bilbo: Why didn't you tell me? I could have straighten him out while getting more friends and he wouldn't have to worry!**

 **Shadow: That would have lost the point of the prompt, Master Baggins. Surely you would have realized that?**

 **Bilbo: And the bets?!**

 **Shadow: Retribution for the Company. They had to withstand all the unresolved sex tension between the two of you the whole journey.**

 **Bilbo: Gyaah!**

 **Thorin: *from a distance* GEEK! I GOING TO KILL YOU!**

 **Shadow: Better run over to your boyfriend, Bilbo, before he gets out of bed. And before he kills me. Bye!**

 **Bilbo: *rolls eyes* Bye Shadow. *runs off***


	8. A Painful Reminder

**Hey guys. I'm back from two weeks of absence. Hehehe... Sorry about that. I had my Prom five days ago then the Skills two days after.**

 **Let me explain. I assume everyone knows what the Prom is, so I won't explain that. The Skills is something my division of my school (we have like six divisions) do annually. There are ten teams and we compete against each other. Usually it follows the theme of our subjects, like making a movie trailer in filipino for Filipino and a speech choir for English. Stuff like that. The Skills lasted three days this year and everyone is tired.**

 **But good news, we came in fourth place and I'm so happy! Especially since it's my sis' first time.**

 **Thanks for the reviews, Leona2016 and Thilbo4Ever! I enjoyed reading them. Keep them up! As for my other readers, I'm not complaining but I seriously want to see other reviews too, even if it criticizes me. I would welcome it in fact. It would help me in seeing what I did wrong. Do I need to issue a challenge?**

 **I wanted to try out Dís for once. This would be my first one for her and I never really focused on the Princess when I'm writing, so sorry if it's short and Dís is being out of character (or at least OOC compared to the stories that have her, the female version of Thorin). But, hey, the way I see it, she misses her husband very much.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit. If I did, Dís would totally join the Company and is as much help as Bilbo is in getting the Company out of trouble.**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **I.**

Dís saw Víli in Fíli every day. Her eldest son had her deceased husband's hair. That lovely hair which Dís combed and braided every single day until the day of his untimely death. It shone golden yellow in the sunlight, coppery in the torchlight, and a creamy color in the moonlight, just as Fíli's does.

(She loved waking up in the morning and seeing Víli's hair stuck in his face and mouth, covered with drool. Dís would giggle in amusement as she savored the peace in the morning until their offspring woke them up with their shouts for food.)

(Dís wanted to throw her hands in his hair, combing it with her fingers until it was the smooth and shiny hair it always was after a good combing. Víli always let her do it, unlike their eldest child. Fíli always fussed around.)

She wished she can see Fíli's mop of shiny golden hair on Víli's head one more time but Dís would just have to wait until it was her time. She wouldn't abandon her family like that. Never.

(She would never abandon her kin. They needed her with them and she can't get distracted. They needed shelter and food, not memories of their dead Prince Consort. She needed to bury the memories of her husband. Oh, how she wished she could.)

 **II.**

She saw him in Kíli as well. The brunet had acquired his father's face and weapon choice. Kíli even had Víli's facial hair growth! Oh, the times the two complained about their beard.

(Dís remembered all the times he complained about how he didn't looked dwarven enough and how his beard didn't grow. She just laughed and told him to suck it up, it will grow and he looked like a dwarf, not a tree-shagger, before pulling him into a kiss.)

It made her smile whenever she has seen Kíli practicing every day with Víli's bow. His form was close to Víli's and carried the same confidence he did.

(He was so proud of his weapon, of how it was so different from all the typical dwarven weapons their kin had. She remembered watching him shoot target after target until he could hit the middle, and then she would have to bandage her foolish husband's hands afterwards as he beamed happily at her.)

 **III.**

The ex-princess saw her husband every time Thorin would cook. If there was one thing Dís couldn't stand about Víli, it was his inability to cook. Yet, at the same time, it was endearing to taste all the (failed) dishes Víli made although Dís always made a point to throw away the dish (without Víli knowing, of course).

By Mahal, he burned water (and the house along with it one time)! All attempts either turned to inedible charred rocks or muck. And no matter what the other races say, they didn't eat rocks, nor would she allow them if she could do something about it.

That was why she always cooked instead of Víli and Thorin.

(They really are useless in the kitchen. Even her sons can cook something, even if it was as simple as soup and eggs. It boggled her mind a lot. Thorin, she can understand as he refused to do such _girly_ things, thus never learning. But Víli was a commoner and how he always failed never stopped to confused her.)

 **IV.**

Bofur, Fíli and Kíli's favorite sitter, had the same happiness and enthusiasm as Víli did. It made her happy that her boys (yes, Bofur counted as one of her boys as he was barely of age plus he certainly acted like one of her brood) had the same smile and kindness as her husband.

It warmed and pained her heart whenever she remembered the times her husband shared jokes over ale and played with their children when he wasn't working in the forges.

(He was rather good at the dirty jokes, despite balking at them when they first met. But apparently, a few drinks in, and he was like any other dwarf: rowdy and crude.)

Dís wished she could see it again, the smile and cheerfulness and brightness, just once more, on her husband's face.

 **V.**

Dwalin reminded her so much of him… That strength, his loyalty, the fierceness and glint of craziness in battle… the underlying happiness hidden behind the gruffness... they were all so similar to Víli's traits.

Dwalin also had the same look in his eyes. The look he would give Dís whenever he thought the princess wasn't looking. The look Víli had every time she woke up in his arms.

(Dís wondered, if she had just moved on from Víli's death, would she have found happiness with the guard? Would she have a happy marriage with her best friend? Would her sons have a father, even just a step-father, to take care of them? She had seen how Dwalin interacted with them.

But it was too late. Years have passed and the Captain of the Guard had moved on to a scribe under his brother's teaching. And Dís had yet to stop grieving.)

Dís just couldn't stop thinking about her dear Víli. The Princess doubted she ever could.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Shadow: *whispers* Er, I hope you like it, people. Dís can't join us today 'cause she's looking for me so she can strangle me. I'm currently hiding from the female royal.**

 **Dís: Geek! Come out here now!**

 **Shadow: *mutters* She even sounds like Thorin. I gotta go and hide some more; bye!**


	9. A Liar

**Hey guys, I'm back. Sorry for the delay. I'm kinda busy with school work. I know that is no excuse and I'm sorry for it.**

 **Littlepinkling: thanks for reviewing!** **I'm glad you enjoy my work Hope you enjoy this one. :)**

 **Leona2016: thanks for a faithful reader! I tried my best with Dís. Also, the next chapter will also be about Nori with Ori. It's own of your prompts; you know what I mean. I'll try to make it good.**

 **Also, thanks for reading, favoriting (?), following, and alerting this sto** **ry, everyone. It makes me so happy!** **Enjoy the story!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own the Hobbit, I'm just borrowing the characters for a bit.**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **I.**

Nori was a liar and a thief and he didn't care one bit. Not at all. If it helped to put food on the table for his brothers, he would gladly risk the guards and the idea of jail.

(He was rather proud of his audacity to steal a few coins from some people who had it easy and never worked a day for it.)

He first started when he was 47, a rather young age to start his line of profession. The star-haired Dwarf stole a small pouch of coins. Something small so that he won't get into much trouble if he was caught. Nori felt good. Really good.

(The git didn't need that small pouch. He had more than enough to spare. Nori checked. He was actually tempted to swipe a few more but he really didn't want to push his less-than-fortunate luck.)

He lied to Dori when he asked about the coins later that evening. He rather that his older brother never find out. Dori eventually stopped pushing and accepted the coins.

(Nori felt a twinge of regret when he noticed the weaver giving him odd looks throughout dinner. Maybe next time he goes through with his stunts, he'll just leave it on his big brothers desk. That was probably for the best.)

 **II.**

"An' where are ya goin', thief?" Dwalin, Head of the City Guards, barked from behind the redhead. "Gonna steal 'nother purse?"

"I am going home, guard dog," Nori lied. "Jealous yeh can't? Got a lover waitin' for yeh? A master, perhaps? Yeh got a bone ta chew back at home?"

The burly guard snorted. "As if that's any of yer business. However, ah go' a bone ta pick wi' ya," he eyed the russet-haired thief. "Now off wi' ya 'fore I –"

"–cut off me head, I know," the thief rolled his green eyes. He wasnt really concerned with Dwalin. The oaf couldn't catch or detain him, not without a good reason anyway. And he didn't have any.

(Nori couldn't help it think of all the times Dwalin chased him or all the near captures or all the times he _was_ caught.)

Still, when he hurried off, he didn't look backwards at the guard with such a ridiculous Mohawk as he took the left instead of the right turn that lead to his house he shared with his brothers.

(He heard from a source that his target would be at the local pub at the other side of town getting wasted. That would be the perfect opportunity to snatch a few money bags.)

 **III.**

"Are you seriously joining this suicide quest, Nori?!" the weaver demanded as he watched his younger brother pack.

The thief scoffed, "As if, ya motherhen. I dun' wanna die."

After staring at each other for a few minutes (Nori couldn't help but fidget under the scrutinizing glare the weaver gave him; it was a reaction he never gotten rid of), Dori sighed. "I better pack. Ori'll want to go and I'll have to watch over the both of you."

Nori didn't ask how he knew he lied.

(Did the russet-haired dwarf have a nervous tic or something? If he did, he needed to get rid of it, or at least make it less noticeable. It wouldn't do for a master thief to be unable to lie and get away with stealing.)

 **IV.**

When the Company stared at him after the elven chalice clanged to the floor, he shrugged, like he had no care in the world despite the imminent danger.

(He didn't mention that he was sweating like a pig in a hot midsummer's day or like a child that was caught stealing from the cookie jar despite the fact they were in the bowels of the cool mountain range.)

"I didn't nick it," he lied, licking his lips and shaking his head.

No one, not even the dumb goblins, believed him. Chaos erupted briefly as the goblins shrieked in their ears, echoing in the halls (if you could call it that) of the mountain, and tore into their clothes, the Goblin King screaming that they were elf friends (ha! As if any sane dwarf would be a friend of the weed-eaters!).

(Why was no one believing him nowadays? He was the Company's expert liar and thief; he should easily get away with it.)

 **V.**

"Nori! Where is the Burglar?" Thorin growled as the Dwarf King finally separated himself from the treasury. Nori glanced up from his bent posture before going back to focusing on his knife, picking at his nails.

The thief shrugged, red hair glinting in the lamplight. "No idea, Thorin. Last ah saw him, he was wi' Bofur."

Nori didn't glance at the barrel his fellow thief hid behind. Bilbo gave him a thankful grin from the corner of his eye.

(At least he was getting his touch back again. Thorin didn't look that suspicious as he stalked away.)

(Nori didn't care what Bilbo was going to do unless it affected him or his brothers. Whatever he did was up to him and Nori won't stop the Burglar. Perhaps Bilbo was going to do something about the Company and snap them out of whatever was in them.)

 **+1**

"So, you're leaving," Dori said dryly. The silver-haired brother watched the more reckless of the Ri brothers with a sharp eye. "Again."

The redhead shouldered his pack more securely. "Yup, ah'll be visitin', Dori. Dun' worry 'bout me."

"That's not helping, you know."

"Motherhen."

"You won't be stealing again, will you, Nori?" there was a warning tone in Dori's voice as the weaver narrowed his eyes at his thief of a brother.

"Why would I?" Nori rolled his eyes. He continued when Dori kept glaring. "Fine. Ah won't."

He wasn't lying this time. He had his money from the quest. He didn't have to steal anything for the rest of his life.

(And if he was being honest, he couldn't stand to be anywhere near the treasury where he spent most of his time with the Company looking for that blasted Arkenstone, much less Erebor and it's surrounding lands where so many had lost their lives. He just needed time to get over the memories that assaulted him on a daily basis.)

(Dori and Ori could take care of themselves without him. They had to when he disappeared for months. They could do it again while he recollected himself from the broken bonds he had with the deceased Durins.)

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Shadow: You really need to work on your lying skills, Nori.**

 **Nori: *snorts* Yer one ta talk, Shadow. Yeh stutter and _smile_ when yeh lie! Yer not supposed ta smile.**

 **Shadow: Well, it's not my fault I can't control my face. It tends to do that, as you very well know.**

 **Nori: Ah've noticed. Shouldn't yeh be sleeping now?**

 **Shadow: I think you're right. I better head to bed before I wake up late for school tomorrow. Good night!**


	10. Babysitting

**Hey, I'm back again. Sorry for the wait, hehe. Here's the next chapter to this story. Hope you all like it!**

 **Leona2016: Here's one of the prompts you gave me. Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit. If I did, Nori would just steal the title from me and hand it over to Tolkien.**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **I.**

Nori stared at his target, following the poncy noble with a-size-too-large blue tunic and gaudy jewelry in his beard with his eyes as he roamed around the market, absently patting the bundle he carried on his back. Said bundle wriggled around slightly, cooed, and drooled on the redhead.

(Why, in Mahal's sake, did he even agree in taking care of his tiny brother? Sure, Dori actually had a job now and no one was available to watch over the babe (not that they could afford it anyway) but _surely_ the weaver knew of his little hobby? What was he thinking?!)

"Shh, little Ori. Big brother is going to snatched us some money, eh?" the thief whispered when green eyes slowly opened. "Jus' go back ta sleep."

The baby dwarfling did just that, content with letting the redhead carry around, feeling very safe and warm.

 **II.**

"Is this really OK, Nori?" Ori looked up at his older brother, green eyes wide with disbelief and, somehow, trust. "I don't feel like we should."

(It pulled at Nori's heartstrings to use the smart lad's innocence but what could he do? He was just doing his job in order to feed the family.)

"Tsk, tsk," the thief chided, shaking his head, emphasizing his _fabulous_ hairstyle (it was far more grand and dignified than that gruff guard dog's mohawk, if he says so himself). "Those dwarrows dun' need tha' money, Ori, they can afford to... _misplace_ a few coins. Or money bags. Tha' works too."

"But –" Ori started protesting, looking very uncomfortable with the fact he was letting Nori steal something.

"Just stay here, OK, lad?" Nori cut the dwarfling off before he can change the thief's mind more. "Ah'll be back soon. Jus' stay put. Call meh if yeh need help."

The dwarfling nodded shyly, mumbling so softly that Nori almost didn't catch his reply, "Okay..."

"Good lad."

(Dori was going to kill him for leaving their brother alone, even for a few minutes, if he ever catch that small info. He'll have to treat Ori to some sweets later.)

 **III.**

Nori quietly snatched the purse from his target when he brushed past him in order to get to his crying brother, the target none the wiser. Said target just continued on, not wanting to deal with the _lower class_.

(Damn these rich bastards who think they're so better than everyone else!)

The crowd quickly dispersed when they saw that the commotion was solved, some dams giving his twenty-one year-old brother a small smile as they left.

(He better watch out for them. They tended to steal the dwarf's time and attention, and he rather not want to rescue his brother from some well-meaning dwarrowdams when he was supposed to watch him in the first place – despite the sweets Ori usually got for being so cute.)

" **Nadad!** There you are! I was looking everywhere for you!" Ori wailed, looking very much like he was really lost and relieved to see his brother. _How did it go?_

The thief hugged his brown-red-haired brother, simultaneously slipping the money bag into Ori's satchel. "Ah'm here, little one. Dun' run off 'gain, OK?" _It went well spectacularly. Nice acting._

"OK, **nadad** ," Nori wiped Ori's fake tears away. _Thanks._

(Nori was glad that he taught the smart kid the temporary code phrases. Otherwise this coup wouldn't work as well as it had. Plus, it gave the thief some new info about his brother. He hadn't known Ori could act like that!)

The two quickly left the busy market as there was a sudden undignified squawk from behind them.

(They didn't need to look to know it was from their unlucky target. Anyone could recognize the voice of Master Bhadrin, one of the sleaziest dwarf in Ered Luin. No one liked him much, so Nori doubted anyone would really help him.)

 **IV.**

Ori waited patiently at the park, reading the books assigned to him and the other dwarrows aiming to become a scribe. He was being watched by Nori again, as Dori was going to be at work all day and he had no classes and why won't Nori and he have some little bonding time together? It was the perfect plan! _If_ it wasn't _Ori_ watching over _Nori_ , as said thief scuttled around, stealing jewelry and money bags off people.

A slap resounded in the small park followed by hurt hissing he recognized from his brother. Sure enough, when the scribe-in-training looked up from his work, Nori was rubbing his _very_ red face (with an interesting hand-mark), looking at the human girl that was stomping away.

(The scribe wondered what the female of the race of Man was doing in a village of dwarrows. Perhaps the girl was with family, trading? It seemed likely; he hardly seen Women and their families, much less Women alone in an unknown area.)

The thirty-six-year-old rolled his eyes, and returned to his book. Nori deserved that slap for touching that dam's bum. Especially during his job.

(Ori just hoped he wouldn't get into trouble again. He rather not want to bail the thief out again, and Dori would be _so_ displeased with the both of them.)

 **V.**

The russet-haired dwarf watched his baby brother follow in his footsteps. Not that Ori stole money; no, the lad b still had his morals. Nori made sure of that (Dori would kill him otherwise while lecturing the scribe). Ori just swiped a couple of apples and chips in the market once in a while, enough that the vendors won't notice.

(It made him proud – sort of – that Ori could steal and lie in a pinch. It would be a great fallback if the lad couldn't find a job, but Nori hoped it didn't go that far, Mahal forbid it.)

Nori grinned, bittersweet. If Ori did follow hin to the end, Dori wouldn't be happy with either of them and it would place the smart dwarf against the law. Thieving wasn't the life for smart, sweet Ori.

(The lad had too much to offer and thieving wouldn't bring his gifts out. Plus he had seen how his **nadad** looked at the guard dog. As much as he hate to admit it, if he wanted to pursue the dog, then he should, but stealing wouldn't catch his attention. Not positively, anyway.)

Nori decided then and there, as the younger brother swiped some more chips, he wouldn't bring the lad to any more outings.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Nori: Why meh again?**

 **Shadow: Cause I promised and I already wrote this down. Why? You don't like being in the spotlight? How about you, Ori?**

 **Nori: Tha' defeats tha purpose o' bein' a spy, yeh know.**

 **Ori: I d-don't mind, really. It was nice, s-sort of.**

 **Shadow: Thanks, Ori. I knew I could coubt on you. Speaking of... Nori!**

 **Nori: What?**

 **Shadow: You left Ori around when he was a kid! That was really irresponsible of you! Don't you know how to take care of a child?**

 **Nori: Yer tha one who wrote this! Why are yeh blamin' meh?**

 **Shadow: I can totally see you do this. You'll probably say, 'But there were other dwarrows around; who'd kidnap someone in daylight?'**

 **Ori: I agree, actually.**

 **Nori: One, Ah'll never say tha'. Two, yer accent is horrible.**

 **Shadow: I know.**

 **Nori: Why are yeh pickin' on meh anyway?**

 **Shadow: Cause its fun!**


	11. Reactions

**Hey guys! I'm back from the dead. School is killing me, especially research. Mom is nagging on about projects for the summer so that we can go to my dad's hometown and I have to agree with her there if I actually want to go outside the country. I'm actually wanting this 50%. Not sure if I want my parents to spend a lot of money on an airplane ticket...**

 **Anyway, enough of that, this prompt is about reactions on Kiliel's wedding. Well, the original was something like this: '5 times someone found out about Kiliel's wedding/courting/etc and reacting negatively and 1 time someone approves', and I'm sort of tweaking that into: '5 times people find out about Kiliel's wedding and just reacting and 1 time someone just accepts it without question.' Hopefully you'll like this, guys.**

 **Leona2016: Thanks for the review! I hope you like it, especially since you requested it. Nori will _definitely_ not bother that woman again – not when Dori finds out.**

 **As for everyone else, if you'd like, you can also request some prompts. I wouldn't mind at all. I would appreciate some feedback as well. I want to see _your_ reactions on this fic, after all.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit, I'm just taking the characters, specifically Kíli and Tauriel, for a little joyride.**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **I.**

The blond heir wasn't at all surprised when he found out about his brother's marriage to the red-haired elf. But he _was_ angry that he didn't get to attend the secret (minorly) illegal wedding.

(He always wanted to witness one and often wondered what the difference was between the legal and illegal marriages. Maybe he'll get his future wife to play along with him – if he found someone appropriate and good enough for him, that is.)

"What in Durin's name, brother?" Fíli started pacing in front of the two beings he confronted a few moments before. "I approve of you with the elf, 'cause she's practically the only one who doesn't care you're a _prince_. Fuck, she's surrounded by royalty all day long! But dammit, I wanted to attend your wedding, **nadadith**!"

He ranted and raved to the grinning dwarf and taken-abacked elf for a good ten minutes, paused to take a breath, and continued for another ten minutes before Kíli could open his mouth. At the end, the blond prince just sighed and rubbed his face tiredly.

"When you get a _proper_ wedding, I _will_ be there," Fíli declared firmly, staring at his oh so foolish brother hard. "And if not, I will just have to barge into it."

Kíli grinned wider, pearly white teeth glintinghard (Fíli wondered if someone can be blinded by teeth if the light was refracted by it). "Don't worry, Fee. You'll be there."

Tauriel nodded, smiling softly at the two shorter beings. "Indeed, Prince Fíli. Thank you for understanding."

"Good. Now go tell Thorin and Thranduil! They're at the court room!" Fíli powered, pointing down the corridors. "And tell Amad too! You know how she gets."

The married couple were no longer smiling at the idea of facing their sovereigns. In fact, they both look queasy, a feat coming from the two.

 **II.**

"YOU DID WHAT?!" came three voices (except Thranduil was a little bit more dignified and a decibel quieter than the two dwarf royals). The dwarf and elf in the center of the attention looked ready to bolt (well, Kíli was. Tauriel was clenching her hands tightly). They looked pained at the volume of the noise, especially the Captain of the Guard with her advanced hearing.

"KÍLI/TAURIEL, I'M DIsaPPoInteD iN YoU!" the three of them shouted simultaneously at different volumes, before glaring at each other (well, Thorin and Thranduil were; Dís was pointedly looking at the two).

The two kings opened their mouths to start yelling at each other (most likely blaming each other for their charge corrupting the other) but the female dwarf beat them first.

"Kíli!" The mentioned dwarf flinched softly, wincing at the look his mother was giving him. "Why didn't you introduce me to this young lady before you went off marrying her? I taught you better manners than that, Kíli." Everyone's mouth fell open at those words and Dís continued, this time circling the redhead. "Hmm, strong, excellent figure, pretty for an elf, obviously an archer -"

Kíli butted in, glee in his voice, "The _best,_ **Amad**." He was glad that Dís didn't mind the marriage between the two. Perhaps the two had a chance after all with his **Amad** being in their favor.

"Of course. You have a tendency to choose the best with the added bonus of her being an archer," Dís looked amused before turning stern again. "Next time you make such an important decision, come to me. But I don't mind. This time."

"But, Dís!" Thorin protested, finally getting out of his shock in hearing and seeing his sister agreeing to let her son be wed to someone outside of their race. "She's an _elf!_ She's not fit to be Kíli's wife! She doesn't even have noble blood!"

Kíli wilted at that proclamation while Tauriel winced. Of course their difference in statuses would be a problem. It was one of the reasons they've gotten married in secret. So that they were equals.

"No, it's _your_ nephew not fitted to be wed to _my_ captain," Thranduil interjected coolly. "She has her duties and Prince Kíli will never fit in my kingdom. Come, Tauriel, we will find Mithrandir. He'll get this foolish wedding annulled."

The Dwarf King muttered, "For once, I agree with the bastard."

"But, my King," Tauriel tried to dissuade the Elvenking just as Kíli cried, "Uncle!"

"Captain Tauriel, you're already on thin ice, so to speak. Don't make it worse. Let's go," Thranduil hissed blue eyes glaring holes into the elleth.

The elf stalked forward, ready to leave the blasted mountain. The elleth looked hesitant and forlorn as she followed her King. Thorin did nothing to stop them and Kíli looked equally solemn.

Dís finally interrupted the conversation, red with fury at the way they dismissed their charges' decisions. "Hold on a minute, you two!" The two elves froze at her words, turning to face the irate dwarrowdam. "Kíli and Miss Tauriel are going to live with each other and they are going to have a _public_ wedding and you are not going to do _anything_ to stop them, you hear me, Elvenking Thranduil?!" She screamed, getting closer to Mirkwood's ruler until she just grabbed his tunic and brought him down to her eye level. "Our children has a choice and they already made it!"

"Sister, put the elf away -"

"No, Thorin!" the furious princess snapped, taking a moment to glare at her brother. "Now, Thranduil, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. You can let these two be and live their own lives or I can _make_ you leave them be."

Thranduil pursed his lips, looking very much like he wanted to hit the dwarrowdam in front of him. But he knew he couldn't or the fragile peace between the two races would be destroyed and would ruin his reputation. "Very well. You leave me with no choice. The wedding shall be in a fortnight." He stepped away from the dwarrowdam and left the room with no extra fanfare.

The other king opened his mouth to protest but one glare from Dís was enough to shut it. Her glare reminded him too much of his grandmother when she would reprimand him.

Dís turned back towards the couple. "Come, Tauriel. We'll find the best wedding dress in the three kingdoms. Kíli, we'll also find you some appropriate clothing but do pick one out if you like. Preparation is _such_ a fickle thing. Meanwhile, we can get to know each other, Miss Tauriel. How did you and Kíli meet?"

The redhead followed while the brunet numbly went to his room to find clothes.

 **III.**

Legolas was saddened but mostly overjoyed to hear about his friend's wedding. He had often thought in the past that if he and Tauriel weren't anyone of importance, there would be a chance of Legolas being in the spot of Prince Kíli.

(What if, for just a moment, they could actually ran away together, live a life with each other? Legolas would gladly go through it if only Tauriel replicated his feelings. But, no, his father would hunt them down and bring them back. Not to mention Tauriel was with the dwarf prince. He could see the love in her eyes whenever the elleth looked at the brunet archer. It could never happen.)

However, that was not to be. Tauriel will wed the second Heir of Erector while he had duties as Prince of Greenwood. He idly wondered if he could find someone for himself, someone who wouldn't slip through his fingers.

(Was there even someone meant for him? Did he even have a One, as the dwarves called it? Or was he destined to stay alone?)

 _Never mind, if it made Tauriel happy, it would suffice for me. But if she was hurt, Valar bless the stupid dwarf,_ Legolas thought darkly. There was no way he would allow his best friend (and crush) to be hurt.

He let himself drift through his thoughts as he idly wandered the markets of the newly rebuilt Dale.

 **IV.**

In the general population, most of the dwarves were happy for their prince. Most of the warriors had commented on how the red-haired elf-maid had rescued both princes during the Battle and stayed with the Second Prince after the Battle was over, doing her best to heal him.

That information was well received and it helped that several dozen or so dwarrows saw the elf everyday helping all three races (plus a single Hobbit) for the next few weeks.

(Technically, everyone was helping each other get over the horrible battle but that slipped their minds at the moment.)

Of course, not all were happy with the news. There were always some bad eggs in a crowd and there were no exceptions for the race of Dwarves. Several nobles grumbled about how the Prince was being bewitched and how he should marry their own daughters/sons/family members than a bloody elf. However, it all stopped after glares and warnings from the Company members and Princess Dís.

None of the dwarf population tried to stop the wedding.

(Not when Princess Dís, Prince Fíli, and Captain Dwalin gazed over the crowd of different races with a hard stare, hands hovering over their weapons.)

 **V.**

On the other side of the marriage, the elves were downright angry. None of them approved of the fiery captain marrying a mortal, much less a dwarf, an enemy they've had for several centuries. The dwarf would die in a century, give or take some years, and who knows what the effect will be on the redhead? She would most likely fade away after his death and that would just be a waste of life and skills.

At first they were sympathetic, thinking the elleth was forced against her will until they found out that she _wanted_ to marry the prince.

(Who in their right minds wanted to be mated to a _mortal?_ Everyone knew that pain and heartbreak awaited those who ignored that unspoken yet very wise rule. Every one knew it was just not worth it.)

They frowned disapprovingly at Tauriel and muttered curses whenever they saw her in public but did nothing more, because both Princes Legolas and Kíli were with her often than not.

Thranduil ordered them to stop but it only fueled some of the elves' anger. Tensions were running high in Greenwood and it wouldn't have surprised anyone even the wedding was interrupted by one of the rasher elves, shouting that any child between the couple would be an abomination and that they shouldn't get married in the first place.

The wedding continued peacefully afterwards when Dís had the idiot elf dragged out of the building and out of the city of Dale.

No one from the elf side tried to do anything after witnessing Dís' murderous glare.

 **+1**

When Bard heard about the interspecies marriage, he was slightly shocked then delighted (as much as the man can get). He had immediately offered to have the wedding in the city of Dale, partly to stop any fighting between the elves and dwarves on the venue, partly to witness the once-in-a-lifetime event.

(Bard shouldn't be surprised at all. He could tell there was something between the two in his house a year ago. In fact, he won a bet in those two.)

Though, that may not be the case any longer, he thought as he eyed his eldest daughter draw the blond dwarf prince. Maybe he should separate the two before Sigrid gets any more infatuated with Fíli. He was not ready to lose his oldest daughter.

No, his late wife would rise from the dead as a ghost and haunt him if he did that. It was best to let his daughter and the Ereborian prince handle their relationship on their own.

(That didn't mean he wasn't going to look out for Sigrid. Bard would _not_ be accountable if Fíli did any funny business with his daughter until they were properly married (hopefully it won't ever happen) and he mysteriously ended up hurt in a ditch.)

The couple (Kíli and Tauriel) was shocked to hear his reason for letting them use Dale for their wedding.

"You two are my favorite at the moment," Bard grinned at the two. "Thorin and Thranduil are two hard-headed; I don't know Princess Dís and Prince Legolas well; and Prince Fíli is too close to Sigrid for my taste," he muttered the last part then added, "And Tilda wanted a wedding, so I don't mind letting your kingdoms ran around Dale as long as they don't break anything."

"You're letting us use Dale for the wedding? For Tilda?" Kíli asked dumbly, feeling shocked at the generosity.

The man nodded. "That's what I said. Tilda's fascinated with you two, especially after you and your friends left for the Mountain, Kíli. But on one condition."

"Yes?" The elleth answered questioningly.

"I want to be a godfather when you have a baby."

The elf and dwarf didn't answer the mortal king as they turned bright red at the prospect of them with a family. Apparently they hadn't thought that far yet, which the King understood quite perfectly.

Bard just grinned as he walked away, calling behind him, "Tilda wants a playmate! Remember that! I'll see you two next week!"

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Shadow: Phew! That's done. This gotta be the longest one I've written yet. I was thinking of using Bilbo as the extra but I decided on Bard since it was logical and I normally choose Bilbo as the extra and the fact Bilbo is just too nice. He'll accept the two with no questions asked. Speaking of, I wonder where the others are.**

 **Kíli: Hey, Shadow!**

 **Tauriel: *nods* Miss Shadow.**

 **Shadow: There you are, guys! How do you like this? Does it fit your expectations?**

 **Kíli: I can imagine my family doing this. Especially** Amad.

 **Tauriel: King Thranduil should be more dignified and refined, but you did well.**

 **Shadow: Thanks! And sorry, but I have to go get some rest, guys. Mom will kill me and confiscate my phone and that will mean no more updates for the foreseeable future. So bye!**


	12. Together

**Hallo. This is the next chapter of the story, sorta like a sequel to the last one, featuring Fíli and Sigrid, with Kíli being the unfortunate person to stumble upon them! Just as you asked for, Leona2016, even if it wasn't exactly what you've asked for. But hey, it has Fíli/Sigrid.**

 **Actually, I had a couple more Figrid(?) stories but this was the first I came to in my list of already written stories and since this included a wedding, I thought it was best for now.**

 **Also, guys, I might not be able to update for a month and a half, I think, cause in April we will be leaving for vacation and there won't be any Wi-Fi. I'll try to update more before I leave but I won't guarantee it for sure.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit or its characters. Fíli will gut me with his army of knives and Kíli will shoot me with his arrows otherwise.**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **I.**

The first time was a surprise. Kíli was looking for Fíli and he turned a corner and lo, behold! There was his brother... with Princess Sigrid.

(Kíli didn't get why they were with each other. Sure, he noticed they were close to each other that time he and the other Company members were in Bard's previous home, but not _that_ close! This time, it was like neither of them knew what personal space was!)

(Not that he was any better...)

The two blonds were talking passionately (about _politics,_ of all things! Ugh!) and, not wanting to disturb them, the archer went to search for Bilbo or Tauriel.

(He could pester his brother later. Showing him the new trick Tauriel taught him was not as important as Fíli's possible love with the eldest daughter of Bard. _Fíli_ didn't interfere with _his_ love life with Tauriel. In fact, he supported it!)

 **II.**

It was an accident when he stumbled on the two. Literally.

They were lying on a hill, sleeping soundly, and Kíli... He wasn't looking where he was going. At all. He had to deal with a frustrated Oin (who had to come down from the center of Erebor) and an embarrassed Fíli and Sigrid an hour later after they stopped rolling down the hill. And groaning in pain, the archer was sure.

(He did get to tease the two about their sleeping positions: Fíli on his back with the Princess on top, cuddling each other. Oin and he had a laugh when the two future successors blushed bright red.)

Fíli raged and ranted at him after delivering Sigrid to her home and they were alone in the archer's room two hours later.

 **III.**

The next time he saw them together, the two were roaming around the market of Dale, idly examining the wares as they talked about whatever was in their thoughts. Kíli didn't care nor did he want to know; he was too far to hear them anyway and most likely it was about current events.

Kíli still smiled at them. It was nice to see them enjoy each other's presences just as much as he enjoyed being with Tauriel. Said elf gave him a questioning look and he just pointed at the object of his thoughts.

Tauriel smiled in understanding before dragging the brunet away from the two. The Prince wondered how his One knew he was about to follow them. Tauriel seemed to have a knack in those things.

He was sure he didn't want to know anyway.

 **IV.**

Kíli turned around when he caught sight of the couple he was bumping into everywhere.

(The archer wondered if that was how Fíli felt every time he caught Kíli and Tauriel doing stuff together: happiness and somewhat revulsion. (Come on! Who wanted to see their sibling playing tongue war with another?))

And they were a couple, because Fíli and Sigrid were kissing each other rather closely, pawing at each other's clothes.

(He desperately hoped for his brother's sake that Bard never caught them like he did. The King would either get a stroke from shock or tear the Heir of Erebor apart for touching his daughter. He wasn't sure what **Amad** and Thorin would think about this new development.)

 **V.**

The fifth notable time Fíli and Sigrid were together, Kíli and the two kingdoms of Erebor and Dale were witnessing them exchange their wedding vows in front of hundreds of Dwarrows and Men (plus the guests invited from other kingdoms).

The crowd cheered as the two closed the deal with a kiss. No one had tried to interrupt _this_ wedding as no one had any problems with either of the two heirs. It was actually beneficial to everyone with the renewed alliance, so no one could make a fuss.

(It helped that Thorin, Dís, and Bard made sure that the wedding was well protected and continued without a problem from any race. (the elves were invited by Bard's orders, and Thorin couldn't refute it, as he had invited Bilbo to attend as well.))

(Kíli was glad the Hobbit could make it; as he couldn't have come to his and Tauriel's wedding in such short notice. Mister Boggins still gave them his regards in a letter a few days later though.)

Kíli was just glad that his big brother found his One to spend the rest of his life with.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Shadow: Poor Kíli. Always getting into awkward situations.**

 **Kíli: You're the one who puts me in them in the first place!**

 **Shadow: So I did.**

 **Fíli: Stop bothering each other, guys. You're just being idiots.**

 **Kíli: Hey!**

 **Shadow: *sniff* Well, if that's how you thank the one who helped you find their One, then I'm leaving.**

 **Fíli: I would have eve** **ntually realized it sooner or later without your help, Shadow.**

 **Kíli: Yeah, when Sigrid's old.**

 **Shadow: Bye, Kíli. *scowls at Fíli and leaves without a goodbye***

 **Kíli: Bye, Shadow.**

 **Fíli: Hey, none for me?**

 **Shadow: *shouts from a distance* You don't deserve any!**


	13. Carried

**Look! A wild chapter appears!** **Catch (** **Read) it before it disappears!**

 **Haha, I'm just kidding. This won't disappear. The reason I'm doing this is 'cause I became a godmother around a week ago and that night we went out to eat. Me and my sibs kept joking like "A wild Papa appears" and stuff like that because we were talking about Pokemon Go. I remember saying, "The egg has hatched into a baby Kate!" I was a bit high (read: energized) on coke (the soft drink, not drugs; I don't do them).**

 **(Cause Kate was just like ten days old when she was baptized a week ago and I didn't even get a chance to meet her till the actual baptism.)**

 **Ah, being a godmother sounds so exciting, especially since I'll most likely see her most of her child** **hood! Unlike me and my twenty godparents. (Yup, I have that many; seems to be a thing here)**

 **I'm just posting this (even if it's only been like two days since I've updated) since I've got nothing better to do even though I have to study for my exams. Yup, it's exams. Who has them this time of year too?**

 **Leona2016: Thanks for the review and for the encouragement! I have to agree that vacation is a** **must. I also have to say, you're my favorite reviewer, though that's probably because you're the one who regularly reviews.**

 **Speaking about reviews, I don't really mind the lack of them. I'll take what I get.** **The last part is up to you to decide. I'll update, maybe, around next week. I'll try. Wish me luck for my exams; I'll need them.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit. If I did, the Company will most likely tote me around (since I'm most likely not that much taller than them...)**

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 **I.**

"Excuse me! What are you doing in my house?!" Bilbo yelled, stamping her perfectly wonderful properproper Hobbit foot, losing her temper finally. Damn proper Hobbit manners! They just fell on her and Gandalf was not helping with his counting of the bloody dwarves!

The clamor, save the ones coming from her dining room, stopped. Her unwanted guests turned to look at her, even the Grey Wizard had stopped counting to look at the only female in the house. It was slightly unnerving, in her opinion and she sure anyone in her position would agree.

"We are here fer a quest, lassie," a dwarf with a ridiculous-looking hat spoke up, a goofy grin on his face as he winked at her. At that, everyone went back to greeting, mishandling her furniture, and counting (in the Grey Wizard's perspective anyway).

The Lady of Bag-End just stared, flabbergasted at the group of invading dwarves. She was going to throw a tantrum at this point (manners and propriety can go hang themselves!) until she received a proper explanation when the floor gave out.

Well, actually, it didnt; the Hobbitess was lifted into a pair of strong arms. She gasped, wriggling instantly.

"Let go of me!"

"When we get out of Mister Dwalin's way, sure!" the voice of one of the younger dwarves (Kíli, if her memory was correct and not jumbled by the sudden onslaught of dwarves) laughed into her back.

"This is not proper! Not at all!"

The miscreant's brother laughed as he passed by, carrying a barrel of ale she recognized from one of her pantries. "Carefully, Kee, the lass seems to be a spitfire!"

"This is undignified, Master Dwarf!"

The brunet just laughed, "Soon, Miss Boggins!"

"That's not my name!"

 **II.**

Bilbo winced as she gingerly stretched her foot, glaring at Tom while she was doing so. The horrid creatures used her as a handkerchief, chased her around before and during the dwarf-troll free for all battle, and then useused her as a hostage in said battle!

Bert had let Tom handle the Hobbitess to help Bill tie up the struggling and cursing dwarves. After that, Tom had let Bilbo go, obviously not caring what would happen.

Normally, Hobbit feet were quite sturdy and they rarely ever sprain or break, but at such an unnatural height (to a Hobbit, of course) and in landing in such an awkward way, even Bilbo's feet gave out.

The Hobbitess endured the pain as she was wide into a smelly, dirty sack (have they ever heard of _washing_ Perhaps not; they were trolls), waited for the rest of the night, worrying about their fate, only to save the Company with her wit and quick talking while Gandalf killed the trolls with the sun. And now, here she was, glaring at the stone troll while holding her pained foot.

"Aah!"

Bilbo was too preoccupied to notice one of the Company approaching her. It wasn't until add he was lifted from her seat on the ground did she realize Bofur was holding her.

"Bofur, put me down this instant!" The Baggins yelped almost immediately, hitting his (naked, hairy, _oh so close to her face_ ) chest. The dwarf just laughed, chest hair tickling her cheek and neck. The only lady in the ragtag group could feel her cheeks reddening.

"When we reach Oin, Miss Bilbo."

"Now, please! I can walk just fine! I just need a moment!"

"Let's hear Oin's verdict first, lassie!"

"Bofur!"

 **III.**

Bilbo could practically hear her heart thumping loudly as she panted behind the large rock formation that was covering her and her companions from discovery (and their possible deaths). She idly wondered if the wargs and their riders could hear her heartbeat when said warg and orc slammed themselves in front of her from above. Her companions tried to silence it ad it screeched angrily in pain. Then they were running again.

One moment, her feet were firmly on the ground, slapping the earth, the next she found herself hauled onto a shoulder, metal and fur digging into her stomach as well as the undeniable firm muscle. Her hands found purchase in the bald head of her ride and his back.

(She was glad that Dwalin didn't have his axes strapped onto his back. She wouldn't survive that without getting impaled by the war axes.)

"Dwalin! I can run!" the woman yelled, watching in horror as the wargs and orcs came closer to the Company (she idly wondered at Bombur's speed as the heavyset dwarf raced past her and the warrior).

"Yer too slow, lass!" Was her only reply when she was tossed into the hole Gandalf came out of and was currently shouting at them to hurry inside. Darkness consumed her vision as noises of clashing weapons and whines of pain filled her ears.

 **IV.**

The only female member grinned down at her family from her perch on the skin-changer's shoulder. They just grumbled and raised eyebrows at her. Fíli and Kíli were pouting rather cutely in their corner (they reminded her of puppies, but if she ever relayed that thought, the brothers would scowl and pout some more).

Normally Bilbo didn't like being carried in any way, shape, or form. But, she rarely ever got to be taller than anyone in these parts nowadays (not that she was overly tall in the Shire) and Bilbo was willing to sacrifice a bit of her pride and dignity in order to tower over her companions (Beorn was _still_ taller).

(Though, she was just as ready to be, uh, dwarfed over again by her family if Beorn called her a (cute little bunny' one more time.)

 **V.**

"And now I pronounce you –"

Bilbo didn't get to hear Gandalf's closing words of the ceremony as she was swept up into her new husband's arms and was passionately kissed full on the lips. She reciprocated it.

The two newlyweds ignored the crowd of cheering dwarves and hobbits as he carried Bilbo out of the room and into their own.

(At least they didn't have to worry about being stopped. Everyone in the Mountain knew who the couple were.)

They have been waiting for this moment for months as they were kept apart aside from a few touches for propriety and managing the wedding in spring and waiting for their families (mainly Bilbo's) to arrive.

No one was going to stop them. Not now.

"You know, I still hate being carried around," Bilbo whispered against her spouse's beard, catching her breath.

He just laughed, "Get used to it, my One. I will carry you everyday like this if you will allow me."

"And I suppose you will still do it even without my permission?" The Hobbitess grinned.

He smirked, "You know me so well, my love."

 **+1**

Bilbo hummed under her breath, carefully handling the bundles in her arms, smiling at the two sleeping faces. Her husband of seven months was sitting on their bed, holding another bundle and cooing at it.

"They will look so much like their father in the future, I just know it," Bilbo sighed in happiness, laughing quietly as on of the boys gurgled and blew out spit bubbles in his sleep.

"Aye, but they have their mother's hair and complexion, not to mention their temper, do they not?" Her spouse nuzzled her face after a moment of contentment.

"Come one, now. Stop leaning on me; I can't carry you all," the Hobbitess chided in a mocking tone. He just chuckled against her neck.

The family stayed like that for a while, Bilbo carrying her twin boys and her One carrying the boys' fraternal sister while leaning against her gently.

...Until he whispered, "Do you want to make more?"

Bilbo shrieked, kicking his shins in retribution for breaking the peaceful silence as the triplets woke up and screamed.

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 **Shadow: Poor Bilbo, always getting carried around. I bet it's annoying. Not that I'll ever know, I never been carried for more than a few seconds past the age of ten.**

 **Bilbo: *grits teeth* Yes, it is, Shadow.**

 **Shadow: Now, now, don't get so testy. So, who do you think is your One in the last part?**

 **Bilbo: Er, you _didn't mention it?_ Or are you having memory problems?**

 **Shadow: I still remember my name, so no, I don't have memory problems. The only problem I have is passing the test tomorrow and finishing my project.**

 **Bilbo: Then go study! That's your Periodical Exam! It's about 20% of your grading! *Shoves Shadow to the door***

 **Shadow: OK, OK, I'm going. Sheesh. Just let me post this.** **Bilbo: Go!**


	14. Outings

**Hey! I'm back with another chapter! I hope you're excited for this.**

 **Leona2016: Thanks so much for the review. I'll also tell Kate (or more like her mother) that you send her your regards the next time I see them. Also, even if it's late by, like, a year and a half, congratulations on being a godmother! Also, I can be mean when I want to; it's sort of a habit of mine to be grumpy almost every day.**

 **Thilbo4Ever: Thanks for the review. You know, this story is dedicated to you. When you asked for a fluff story with Thorin, Fíli, and Kíli, I looked through my stories and realized I didn't have one with all three of them so this is made by scratch. Hope you like it.**

 **Every one who sent me luck, review or no review, thanks. I needed it.** **Especially for my tests with Filipino. Also, the husband of Bilbo in the last chapter was whoever you wanted it to be. I ended it like that cause I thought it was a nice touch.** **Though I can understand if most of you thought it was Thorin; I was planning to write his name at the last second but decided not to. After all, it could be Bofur or any of the other members; they _are_ nobles now.**

 **So, this might be the second to the last (or even the last) chapter I will post before leaving as I'll be busy with my clearance and enrollment and research project as my parents booked the flights before the school year could officially end. Especially the research project. I'm doing it next Monday and I still have to have the principal to sign the approval sheet. I'll try to post more in the next few days.**

 **Speaking of chapters, send me prompts in a review so that I can write during my vacation and flood this story with chapters when I get back. Otherwise, it's gonna be flooded with my prompts instead of yours.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit or its characters. Thorin will most likely throw me off the ramparts.**

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 **I.**

Fíli adored family outings when he was a dwarfling, especially if Uncle Thorin was there. While **Amad** was nice enough, she was a _girl_ and everyone knew girls had cooties (he couldn't understand why she laughed at that. He was completely serious! She laughed even harder when he frowned (whatever people say, he _did not_ _pout_ )). And Kíli was too young to play with, **Amad** said so.

(Fíli didn't want to hurt his only brother; Kíli was so small, the blond felt like he could break the baby with just a small nudge. Fíli didn't want to risk it. At all. So he generally stayed away whenever he played.)

Anyway, he loved those few precious hours he would get with his family when they weren't traveling or working or even just looking after the other dwarrows.

Thorin was his role model; he taught the dwarfling everything he needed to know in the wild. **Amad** got really mad one time when they trailed into their house tracking mud though. Fíli could understand. Even though he hated baths, being dirty for days on end in places he didn't even know existed wasn't his thing.

(Though even the blond had to admit that the tall dwarf had no sense of direction whatsoever. Fíli had to lead them home from where ever his Uncle led them to. He wondered where his uncle got it.)

 **II.**

"Uncle Thorin! Uncle Thorin! Are you ready? Are you ready?" The bouncing ball of unlimited energy that was the dwarfling called Kíli shrieked in happiness and excitement. "I am! So is Fee! Right, Fee?"

The fifteen-year old heir nodded along, grinning at his uncle. "Are we ready to go?"

Thorin seemed to ponder for a moment, thinking about it and making Kíli jump in impatience. "I don't know, nephew. Dís, do you think they're ready?"

Their mother looked up from the table where she was calmly reading and writing. The brunette hummed. "I think they are."

"FINALLY!" Kíli screamed, dashing out of the front door, before returning and giving his mother a big bear hug. He turned to his uncle, trying to drag him out of the house. "Let's go already!"

"Alright, Kíli. A prince is always patientI, you know," the blacksmith intoned, smiling softly at his two nephews.

"Thorin," Dís called before the trio could disappear properly. "Don't get lost and don't get my children dirty."

"What do you take me for?" the exiled prince demanded. His sister raised an eyebrow and Thorin relented. "Fine."

Everyone in the room knew that was a tall order for the prince to accomplish.

(Even Kíli, the dwarf with no sense of tact and was generally oblivious, knew that it was impossible for Thorin to _not_ get lost.)

 **III.**

Thorin watched the nephews he came to call sons spar around the grounds as he called out tips and reprimands from beside Dwalin and Dís.

It wasn't often they had family outings, even if it's just the pretense of hunting. Problems have stacked up in the years that had gone by and Thorin was busy with his job just so he could help feed his people, especially during the harsh winter.

(It was certainly very hard to do that with a population of several hundred dwarrows. Not to mention the original dwarrows of the Blue Mountains.)

After teaching the two how to be silent during a hunt (which was hard, the brothers were _extremely_ noisy without even trying), they took a break after shooting a couple of rabbits and a deer. It was a good start of the day.

Then, when they were supposed to be resting, Kíli had jumped up and challenged his brother to an accuracy game with their given weapons. Fíli agreed, and the three adults allowed them.

It turned into a sparring match after one too many insults and jabs. Thorin just shook his head as he watched his family act like fools with their exaggerated thrusts and swings.

Dís just laughed at them all as Dwalin took to join in the impromptu battle as the enemy (Thorin had to admit, two pairs of puppy dog eyes would make even the most cold hearted dwarrow turn into putty). Fíli and Kíli happily joined forces to defeat their sparring teacher.

"Not joining in?"

The raven chuckled. "I think Dwalin could handle them in his own. Your sons are no match for me, sister."

He regretted his words a few moments later as he was tackled to the ground by his nephews.

(No one bothered to help him up as his so-called relatives laughed at his expense.)

 **IV.**

Thorin looked at his family during dinner. It had been several years since they ever went somewhere and the king knew that his nephews were saddened by that but they never pushed.

He knew it was no reason to ignore his family, but sadly, the needs of many outweighed the needs of few. Still, he had time before he traveled to his next destination.

He made his decision.

"Fíli, Kíli," he called and everyone looked up, even his sister. "How would you like to go on an outing tomorrow?"

The two gaped, mouths open. It looked comical and he couldn't help but let out a small, but still heard, snort. The two brothers snapped their mouths shut.

Dís looked proud and faintly amused.

"Are you serious, Uncle?" Kíli spluttered. "Where to?!"

"How about the old camping grounds by that lake we used to go to?" Fíli asked before Thorin could answer. "It should be empty by this time of the year."

The raven thought on it. He had about a week and a half to spend on himself and it took a day to get to the lake. He could afford a few days to spend with his nephews.

"OK, to the lake it is," he answered, nodding sage-like (or at least that was what he liked to believe). "Pack your things tonight, boys."

"Yes! Field trip with Uncle Thorin!" The brunet of the two spawn of Dís crowed in happiness.

The two continued to chatter as Dís nodded at her brother in thanks.

 **V.**

"It's time, Balin. There's been no sign of the blasted worm for sixty years," the two brothers could hear their uncle booming. "You know what Oin said."

"Yes, but Oin ain't a seer, Thorin, " their teacher and long-time friend argued back. "He could still be alive."

Fíli and Kíli exchanged confused glances. What could Thorin and Balin be arguing about? Their uncle may be the unofficial king of the dwarves, but he listened to the white-haired dwarf. It must be serious then.

"Smaug is asleep! He won't wake unless we storm the Mountain. We just need the Arkenstone to destroy him!"

The eavesdroppers gaped silently. Smaug the _dragon_ Mountain? Arkenstone? Was Thorin going to Erebor, the Dwarf Kingdom ravaged by a fire-breathing drake _on the other side of Middle-Earth?_

"We _will_ have a quest, Balin. Gather those who will come with us. I will visit our kin," the raven ordered.

Balin's voice sounded exhausted and exasperated as he replied, "Of course, Thorin."

The duo nodded at each other and slipped away miraculously (dwarves were not light on their feet though they've been taking lessons with the thief called Nori) before either elder could find them.

Later that night, after they ate dinner, Thorin cleared his throat. "Family, I have something to tell you. I will leave tomorrow to consult our kin."

"Oh? For what, **Nadad**?" Dís raised an eyebrow, looking very much like a disapproving sister. Which she was. Most likely the ex-princess knew whatever Thorin wanted to do was a bad thing, and she knew it.

"I will ask for aid to retake Erebor."

"No," Dís glared.

He glared back. " **Tharkûn** decreed it. The Wizard would not be dissuaded, Dís."

"We're going too, Uncle, **Amad** ," Kíli butted in, his blond brother nodding beside him.

"No."

Just that. A simple 'no' was sounded by both of their guardians. The two siblings scowled as Dís continued, "No one is going, especially you two. You are too young. And no wizard is leading my family to their deaths because of a suicide mission!"

"We will be going!"

"No!"

"Yes, we are! Uncle, Mother, we are past our majority (" _by a year!_ ") and we will go," Fíli argued stubbornly, glaring at the two ravenettes that was not his brother.

"I am still your mother, young man."

"We are still going."

"Just think of it like every outing we had outside. We will be traveling and camping and sparring," Kíli added. "We will also visit our homeland. Think of it."

The two adults were silent for a while (perhaps because they were so shocked that the archer could sound so _intelligent_ ) before they sighed. Fíli and Kíli gave silent cheers.

"Pack your bags, boys. You'll be leaving with Balin and the other volunteers next week. Pack the essentials."

They whooped and ran from the table to their rooms. The two left in the room watched them race.

"Thorin, if my babies return with even so much as a new scratch, I will castrate you and feed it to you before I kill you. Slowly and painfully," Dís hissed across the table to her brother. "I don't care if you'll be King of the Mountain, they _will_ be returned safe and sound."

Thorin nodded, gulping. It will take all he had to protect his sister-sons and that might not be enough. Dís will surely carry out her threat.

He needed to prepare for this unexpected 'outing.'

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 **Shadow: That's that, I guess. I have to run, cause it's almost dinner and –**

 **Dís: Shadow! You better being back my son's in the same piece as they were before!**

 **Shadow: Tell that to Thorin, not me! *edges away***

 **Dís: Come back here, Geek!**

 **Shadow: *runs* Bye!**


	15. Attractive

**Good morning everyone** **. So here's the last chapter before I leave for vacation! Note: This is unbeta-ed like every other one of my stories so I don't know how this one will go.**

 **Enjoy!** **Or not. It's up to you.**

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 **I.**

"Bard, what do you think of my outfit? It is better than that Fool Under the Mountain, is it not?"

Bard, former fisherman, now Lord of Dale, stared blankly at the elf. How did a meeting of barter between the three kingdoms turned into a fashion contest?

"It is, er, interesting, King Thranduil." That was mildly putting it, with all the silver and diamonds inlaid on the torso, the tunic was rather garish. The lights in the room had to be lowered significantly in order that Thranduil won't blind everyone; he was practically a beacon. "It is shiny," was all Bard could day while trying not to look at the fuming Dwarf King on the other side of the table.

"Indeed it is."

"You don't know anything about fashion, elf," the raven spat. "You look even worse than that worm."

"Shut it, dwarf. You just have a low standard," Thranduil purred back.

 _Oh Vala no_. That sent the two kings into a screaming match.

 **II.**

"Er, what is it I am seeing right now?" Bard whispered to Legolas, confusion laced in his features. From beside him, the Elf Prince scrunched up his face in distaste.

" _Ada_ is going through a fashion phase. This month is featuring Hobbits."

Bard seen the Hobbit Burglar before, back when Lake Town was still standing and he was still a simple fisher- and bowman, but was tight breeches, sandals, and a horrible shade of yellow vest part of the norm in the Shire? He didn't think so.

"Lord Bard, I look remarkably like the Burglar today." It was a statement, not a question.

"Yes you do, King Thranduil," Bard just decided to agree. He really didn't want to know what would happen to him otherwise. Maybe he would be dressed up as crazy as the Elvenking was.

 **III.**

"How is my hair, Bard? Don't I look _fabulous_?" The Elvenking swung his head back, hair flowing over his shoulder.

Bard looked up, barely batting an eye at the dark green hair. "Yes. Are you going for a forest theme this time?" The monarch was also wearing a dark olive robe over moss-colored tunic and, thankfully, black breeches to compliment his hair.

"Finally! Someone gets it!" the used-to-be blind elf uncharacteristically threw his hands up into the air, before widening his blue eyes, placing his hands by his side and clearing his throat. "Everyone else thought I liked green."

Bard thought so too, but didn't say anything. He also wondered how he changed his hair color. Perhaps Thranduil will tell him his secret.

 **IV.**

"Bard, come look at me. I am attractive, am I not?"

"Sure," Bard shrugged. He'd grown used to the infinite amount of bizarre clothes the elf owned and wore to care anymore. "Whatever you say, King Thranduil."

(It didn't help that he was summoned by the Mirkwood king for 'important meetings' when it was just the elf showing off his clothes every month.)

(This time his clothes were tame but not by much. The elf wore a suit made for the race of Men, modified of course, but the thing that truly horrified Bard was the fact that the suit was _pink_. It didn't matter if Thranduil would say it was fuschia, it was still pink.)

 **V.**

"Come on, Thranduil. You're attractive in whatever you wear," Bard said through the door.

"That dwarf scum said I looked hideous!" That sounded suspiciously like a sob, but no, Thranduil didn't cry so it must have been his imagination.

"No, you're not. Don't believe what Thorin says; he's just jealous. You look fabulous."

Silence. Then, "I do, don't I?"

"Of course you are. Now please come out. You'll ruin your image."

"Of course. I am still attractive! I'll show Thorin bloody Oakenshield who's fabulous!" Insane laughter came from inside and a sigh came from the Man who wondered what did he do to deserve this fate.

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 **Shadow: OK. I hope you like this. I really don't know where this one went wrong. Anyway, gotta run and prepare stuff for my bro's graduation celebration! Bye!**


	16. Should I Smack Him?

**Happy April Fool's, guys! Did you really think that was the last chapter before I leave you all in the dust? I'm not _that_ cruel.**

 **So here's the _real _ chapter of the day. The last one was just a mistake that I wanted to get rid of, since I don't know how to salvage it without scrapping it then writing a new one. But hey, it shows that I'm not perfect.**

 **(And I apologized already to Thranduil and Bard for making themselves into my court jesters for the day. The Elvenking has yet to forgive me.)**

 **Thilbo4Ever: I'm glad you liked the last last chapter! And thanks for the 'enjoy your trip' thing (I don't know the word for it). Please do send some prompts for me before I leave without any precious Wi-Fi on the tenth.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit because if I claims otherwise, the sensible Hobbit that Bilbo is will give me my own smack that I most undoubtedly deserve.**

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 **I.**

Bilbo contemplated smacking this very rude, tactless dwarf (even if admittedly handsome for someone that was so hairy) in front of him. Not only had he barged in his house without introducing himself, he also insulted him! Where did this dwarf come from to not learn in any decent manners? Did his parents not teach him any? Or was he stupid enough to not remember them? Or did this dwarf enjoy being rude to Hobbits or to anybody for that matter?

The Hobbit minutely shook his head. He was a proper Hobbit. A proper Hobbit do not hit their guests no matter how much they were rude and unwanted. It was not the way of a Baggins, no matter how tempting.

(However, his suppressed Took side _really_ wanted to hit the male. And if it wasn't for the wizard or the other dwarves or the fact that the rude dwarf still had his pointy weapon, he would have took the risk and punched him.)

 **II.**

"I see you are all safe," Gandalf pulled the exiled king aside.

Master Oakenshield snarled, "If not for your burglar, we wouldn't be here."

Bilbo frowned as he caught the dwarfs comment. He just saved their blasted lives! How can Oakenshield insult him when it was him who stalled the trolls until the sun hit them? The idiot didn't even do anything!

And if it was anyone's fault, then the blame should fall onto the lads' shoulders. _They_ were the ones to push him into the trolls' campsite.

Thorin Oakenshield needed a swat across the head to get that intelligence he was _oh so proud_ _of_ out into the open.

 **III.**

Thorin Oakenshield _seriously_ needed a thwack on the head. He just insulted their host (like he did in Bag-End)! Even if Bilbo was fourth in line for Thainship and he had no idea about politics between races (keyword being between. That didn't mean he couldn't negotiate with the other Hobbits though), but even he knew how to be tactful.

What if Lord Elrond threw them out, where the orcs were? What if he told his elves to shoot them down? Surely he wouldn't do that; his mother's stories and opinions of the elf were always nice and positive. But Bilbo heard of the infamous animosity between the elves and dwarves also and he didn't know if it would influence any decisions the Elf Lord will make.

The high-strung Hobbit sighed in relief as they were shown in Lord Elrond's halls.

(If the Company did anything to get them kicked out, especially the exiled king, he would give them what they deserve, manners or no manners!)

 **IV.**

Bilbo stood still in shock. Thorin was _hugging_ him and calling him a _friend_. Bilbo knew he just saved the Dwarf but he wondered whether he had died and was in heaven or was dreaming. Perhaps the Dwarf King hit his head when the white warg threw him down?

 _Maybe,_ the Hobbit thought, _I should hit him. Or myself._

Before Bilbo could actually go through with his deranged thought, the (possibly delusioned) Dwarf had let him go, and the Hobbit was stuttering out words he couldn't remember.

Maybe it was still possible to pinch Thorin?

 **V.**

What is it with Thorin and being rude to his hosts? Was it a Dwarf thing? Bilbo suspected it was, with the ill manners the Company showed in Bag-End, Rivendell, and now in the Bowman's house.

Bard did all he could in obtaining makeshift weapons, Bilbo could tell. Haven't the dwarves seen the sate of this town? They hardly look like they had the basics, much less iron-forged swords.

The burglar wanted to thump the idiotic King upside the head.

 **1**

"You will never have a single piece of our gold!" Thorin shouted to the Elvenking and the leader of Esgaroth. "It belongs to the Dwarrows and the Dwarrows alone! None will go to leaf-eaters and bastards of Me–"

Thorin broke off in mid-rant as Bilbo Baggins stepped forward, proceeding to smack the gold-sick Dwarf King, quite viciously. It left a rather nice red mark on the dense idiot's cheek. Thorin looked shocked as his head swivelled back.

"Enough, Thorin! Just give them what you've promised them!" the Hobbit screamed, eyes glinting in the sunlight. The Halfling actually looked frightening for once, despite his small stature.

"Bilbo –"

"No! I will not hear of it! They have _two_ armies of Elves and Men down there, and there is an army of orcs coming! A group of fourteen – maybe thirteen! – cannot hold them both off!"

"Listen to your burglar, Oakenshield, " Thranduil stated calmly, not at all worried that the dwarf might actually shoot him. Bard did not seemed to share his thoughts. "He is far wiser than you are, even in his young age."

"Shut up, weed-eater!" the raven snarled.

"Thorin! Do it or I swear I'll find the Arkenstone and throw it into the damn lake!" Bilbo glared at the friend he made after saving his life. It was exceedingly hard to keep his patience with the short-tempered dwarf. "Do not test me or do you want another hit on your head? Preferably with a rock? I can go find one, there's plenty in this mountain."

"Fine," the king commented after furious whispering with Balin and Dwalin (not to mention furious glaring and staring from the other Company members). "They will get their gold and then we exterminate Azog and his vermin army."

"Good. And to think I actually get to hit you in this adventure," Bilbo smiled, and not the usual smile either. The Hobbit looked rather evil in that moment as he continued to think about hitting Thorin Oakenshield.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Shadow: So, Bilbo, how does it feel to smack some sense into his Royal Grumpiness in the end?**

 **Bilbo: Surprisingly good, actually. I've been wanting to do that since we first met.**

 **Shadow: We know. It's mentioned on the top. Also, congrats on stopping the idiots you call family from warring with their allies.**

 **Kíli: Hey!**

 **Fíli: Yeah!**

 **Company: *Agrees***

 **Thorin: *glaring* Geek...**

 **Shadow: Oh hush you. Don't say you wouldn't go to war with the others for a pile of rubble.**

 **Company: HEY!**

 **Thorin: It's not a pile of _rubble,_ Geek. It is our legacy and the hard work of our ancestors! You do not get to call it _rubble!_**

 **Bilbo: It's a pile of rocks. It's rubble.**

 **Shadow: Agreed. Listen to the sensible Hobbit. I mean, gold is nice and handy and all, but it can't do everything. It just sits there and look pretty.**

 **Thorin: It's not rubble!**

 **Shadow: Whatever you say. It's still rubble to us.**

 **Bilbo: Can I smack them now?**

 **Shadow: Go ahead. You don't need my permission, Bilbo.**

 **Company: Don't you dare!**

 **Shadow: Have fun, guys! See you later!**


	17. Death

**Hey guys! Surprisingly, I've got some free time before I leave and I had to write this up (with some changes, of course), so this is _definitely_ the last chapter for the month before I leave. Of course, I still need to pack but that shouldn't be _that_ difficult. It's just clothes, right?**

 **I have no worries left except for writing down all your prompts and enrolling myself into school. I'm _so_ glad I passed all my subjects.**

 **Thilbo4Ever: Thanks for the review! Take your time with thinking up some prompts for me but you better hurry; it's almost time for summer. And I'm sure Bilbo will love snacking on Thorin** **; have you seen the dwarf (of course you have)? He's a hunk!**

 **Leona2016: Thanks for the last three reviews! I'm glad you actually like the chapter with Thranduil and Bard; I personally thought it was bad. But I suppose your thought of the Elf King having a walk-in closet is true. It's certainly possible!** **Thorin is certainly the center of all the lost jokes. He never gets a break, does he? And about the prompts, is it alright if I just use any of the Company? Cause I'm not so good with OC's. They tend to turn into Mary-Sue's. But I can try.**

 **Also, I apologize for such a sad story in advance. But this was the only thing that I could find acceptable in such a short time. After all, I'm leaving for three weeks without Internet and I can't write that much without being rude (not that I won't try).**

 **Also, apologies for butchering the whole time line. I didn't know Dwalin was born after the Fall of Erebor, but hey, this is just a story and slight AU where Dwalin is older than normal.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit. Death would haunt me otherwise and despite wanting to see ghosts, I'm not so keen on seeing the actual Grim Reaper.**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **I.**

Dwalin knew Death ever since he was introduced to the world. After all, Death almost took him directly after taking his **Amad** minutes after giving birth to the small-ish dwarf.

Of course, just being born, it was impossible to remember anything, much less use his senses. But even so, every time his father and brother talked about his **Amad** , Dwalin couldn't help but get the feeling of ice crawling on his skin and dread setting in the forefront of his mind.

It was something he hated and he was resolved to always be strong so that he won't ever know that feeling again, despite not knowing what it is.

 **II.**

His second encounter with Death was when Arndis, Royal Consort of King Thrain, fell ill. While the dwarrowdam wasn't related to him, she always felt like a mother to the tough future soldier, causing him to feel like Prince Thorin was his second brother (He was always close to Thorin, as the prince and Balin used to go everywhere with each other, so that meant he would follow the two around and they would let him. The young dwarf didn't mind calling him 'brother' at all).

All of the Royal Family, even the extended and estranged members (Dwalin had to admit, for a line proud of its heritage and the fact that they could always know who were in the line, there were a _lot_ of dwarrows), were gathered around the beloved Queen when Death took her.

(Dwalin would never forget the first time he ever _remembered_ seeing Death. The being was slouching over his honorary **Amad** , red eyes slowly blinking at him as it waved a hand over the Queen. It was the last breath Arndis ever took.)

Bells were heard inside and outside the Mountain for weeks afterwards in mourning for the lost Queen.

(Dwalin could feel his heart slowly turning into stone; he became more jaded then the Crown Prince was, his attitude as gruff as Men and Elves thought dwarves thought it to be.)

 **III.**

Death came in the former of a fire-breathing lizard 15 years later. Smaug had decimated Dale's and Erebor's kingdoms and Dwalin had no doubt that everyone had seen Death hanging over the dragon, practically, _ahem,_ dwarfing Smaug.

The warrior had no doubt that Death would take someone he cared about if it wasn't for the fact that he was zealously guarding every single one of his family with his life. He even grabbed Thorin and kept him close by helping him drag off the (admittedly deranged, gold-sick) king.

He fled with his family from Erebor, heart pained from the fact that there was a possibility that he would never see his friends again.

Though that may be because Death was ruining other people's lives. Even so, Dwalin was not taking his chances.

He lost too many important people in his life. If he had to act as strong as his father, as rude and as gruff as possible, just to protect his family, so be it.

 **IV.**

When Dwalin saw Death behind the White Orc, he knew Fíli (that responsible yet foolish youngling he helped trained) was going to die. That didn't mean he was just going to stand there and let it happen. He tried his best, he really did, but he knew he couldn't do anything as Azog impaled the Golden Prince from behind. He could only watch helplessly as his nephew fell lifelessly, Death disappearing from his spot.

Dwalin was on the other side of the lake but when he saw Death gliding towards Thorin and the orc scum as he fought off goblins, he tried to join his King (he had to get to him, Death can't take him, not now, not when they just took their ancestral home back. He can't fail Thorin like he failed Fíli and Kíli. He can't lose another one!). Goblins swarmed him but he was too late by the time he killed them all.

Thorin was glass-eyed with the Halfling by his side when Dwalin finally stumbled to their side.

 **V.**

The old warrior felt hollow once more when he spotted Death trailing after Gimli, son of Gloin. What could it mean? Was the lad going to die? Dwalin hoped not, he got quite fond of Gloin's son in the earlier years before the War with Sauron came to be.

No, it was much, much worse.

"Ah'm sorry, Dwalin, but... we've found this... in tha Mines of Moria," Gimli handed him a familiar ( _oh so familiar,_ he could remember his One's laughter and the way he would hold the book to his chest, and _it hurt so much_ ) weathered journal and walked away, tears brimming in his usually fiery eyes. He looked so defeated and Dwalin didn't know what to do.

Should he comfort him? Though he was sure the warrior didn't need it and didn't want to be embarrassed. But he looked like he needed it. But if _Gimli_ , the lad who didn't cry at the fear of getting shaved, needed comfort, then whatever was in the book wasn't good for him. He decided let the boy go instead, needing some privacy to himself as he prepared to read the journal.

Death stayed behind. That wasn't a good thing in Dwalin's mind.

Dwalin read his One's journal, laughing at the funny and humorous parts (they must have had fun in the beginning of the journey to Moria; it made him reminisce of the Quest) until it changed in the middle. He felt dread as he read about the attacks from the goblins (he should have been there, one dwarf could have tipped the scales in those long battles for territory). Tears unashamedly trickled down his face as he read Ori's entry of Balin's death and their last stand against the goblins of Moria and the Bane of Durin (oh how he wanted to cut and disembowel the balrog that killed his One and family; but it was too late, the Grey, er, White Wizard vanquished it. He just wished he could get the satisfaction of ridding the monster).

He collapsed down to his knees hard, clutching the journal. He didn't care if he was weak and vulnerable, even in his rooms. He needed this, even just once.

Death laughed into his ear, a hollow sound often found in tombs, before disappearing until it was Dwalin's time to part from the world.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Dwalin: Ah'm gonna kill ya, Shadow!**

 **Shadow: *clumsily dodges axes* Forgive me, but you were the only one I can think of! It has your backstory in it! Plus I don't have a Dwalin-centric story yet; you needed some of the spotlight!**

 **Dwalin: No one needed ta know tha'! It's an invasion o' privacy! Ah didn't want ta be in whateva' delusion ya 'ave o' us Dwarrows!**

 **Shadow: Ooh, big words there. Learning from Balin?**

 **Dwalin: Gaaahhhh!** **You killed him and Ori!**

 **Shadow: Aah! *runs away***

 **Dwalin: *chases after Shadow***


	18. No Means No

**Oh my god, I'm sooo sorry for taking so long. I'm so busy with my research paper/thesis thing, which I absolutely hate because it's _summer_ and that's not fair. Not to mention getting out of the horrors called writer's block I'm currently in. But I can't excuse myself. I failed as a writer.**

 **Well, enough of my pessimism, as promised, here's the first of the flood of chapters I promised everyone. Though, please don't expect it all in one day. I still need to write it all out. But I _am_ going to try to publish more chapters everyday (or every other day) instead of the once-a-week chapters I usually do.**

 **Vacation was great, but cold. My first impression of Sweden was _cold_. Living in a temperate climate, I'm not used to 7 degrees Celsius. But we've been all around the city of Goteburg and its surrounding areas and it's especially cold by the sea.** **We even saw snow, even with my dad saying there was no chance of it!**

 **Leona2016: I'm glad you liked my attempt of Dwalin's back story. Here's the first of the prompts you gave me! Hope ya like it!**

 **Thilbo4Ever:** **Sorry for making you cry but at least you liked it. This might tug at your heartstrings too.** **But hey, *winks* at least you have great taste in men.**

 **SlytherinBtch: Sorry for tearing out your heart, but that's how I roll sometimes.** **I try to keep stuff happy but the urge to write angst takes me by surprise.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit or its characters. If I did claim it, the great spirit of Tolkien will, er, spirit me off to the middle of a lake in Sweden.** **And damn, that'll be freezing!**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **I.**

Dís stared at her cousin – of sorts – in shock, fury, and disgust. He had the gall to ask her for her hand in marriage just a week after arriving in Erebor and learning about the deaths of her family! Who in Mahal's Halls would do that?!

She and the other dwarrows in the caravans had received no news from her brother about the quest aside from the short missive that said they claimed back the Lonely Mountain from Smaug. They had continued on, arriving in the spring, expecting the Company to welcome them. Oh, the Company were there, of course, save for three and Dain was there in their place instead.

It was then she found out that her brother and sons ( _her only family she had left_ ) died in some battle against Azor the Defiler, _that filthy orc._

The Princess wandered around Erebor, wallowing in her grief, for a week. It simply didn't register in her mind. It simply couldn't be possible.

(No, they had to be lying. Her sons couldn't be dead; they had so much to live for in life, they haven't even started living properly! They haven't experienced the real difficulties or sweet successes. Kíli, the dear baby of the family, haven't even have a proper beard yet!

And Thorin, he was too stubborn to die. He would have lived just to see his kin reclaim the Mountain. Thorin would have argued with death. Thorin, the one who was always strong, always thick headed, would have walk it off and survive just to spite death and Azog.

 _None of them should – could – be dead!_ )

That was then when Dain pounced, obviously thinking she was vulnerable. (How wrong the bullheaded idiot was. Even in her grief, she was still as sharp as ever. Sharper than Dain could ever hope to be.)

"I'm sorry, Dain, I can't. It's too soon." The dwarrowdam let the redhead down as gently as she could while still being firm in her decision. After all, Dain was her cousin and should be shown _some_ courtesy.

The redhead nodded, but he was noticeably disappointed, and left Dís in her chambers.

 **II.**

"No, Dain."

"Its been six months, Dís. This marriage will give you some closure," the warlord protested, one arm near waving in the air (it wasn't really waving, it was just vibrating violently halfway in the air, and that was a sight to behold), the other clenched around his axe.

"No, but thank you, Dain," Dís gingerly handed the huge bouquet of roses and lilies back to the redhead.

Dain scowled but conceded, leaving the grieving princess alone.

(Dís hoped this would be the last time. She really didn't want to make a commotion and an example out of him. She didn't want to lose her only (distant) family yet.)

 **III.**

The ravenette growled as she teared the letter from her cousin apart. Just because he was courteous in a _letter_ was not enough for her to marry him. Yes, it has been a year since her family's death, but Dís was not that desperate to marry her cousin.

(If the law wasn't the law, it would have been _her_ who would rule Erebor, not Dain who should be in his _own_ mountain in the East. It _shouldn't_ matter if Dís was a female, she was suppose to be the next in line to the throne; she was as good as any other King! In fact, she would be better than any as she was also trained in the arts of acting as ruler of a kingdom with her siblings. Few could surpass her skill.)

She quickly fetched some parchment, a quill, and an ink bottle and penned a resounding 'NO' in the letter, as well as a few choice words.

Dís gave it to a passing runner before returning to her duties. After all, she was a princess, and a princess will always take care of her subjects. She wouldn't abandon her kin just because she was grieving.

(She didn't _want_ to listen to the citizens' worries about her health, physical and otherwise. She was perfectly fine!)

 **IV.**

She was _this_ ready to kick Dain Ironfoot in the family jewels and the buffoon with the questionable intelligence seemed to know it as he eyed her and quickly retreated from her office, his personal advisors scrambling after the oaf (except Balin, he calmly walked out after giving her an approving wink).

Noises could be heard halls away from the princess' office and everyone save for the bravest (and possibly foolish) avoided the general area. It sounded very much like breaking glass and loud thuds – such as books hitting walls and the like – and any passerby listening carefully could hear the not-so-quiet crash of a flipping table. It carried on for a good half hour or so.

King or not, cousin or not, Dís was _never_ marrying Dain. How dare he try to blackmail her into an arrangement! And if Dain even tried to order her, she was going to slit his neck in his sleep, making it look like an accident. She was _very_ good at those.

 **V.**

"HOW MANY BLOODY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY NO TO GET IT IN YOUR THICK HEAD?!" Dís screamed, finally losing her composure. It didn't matter that it was in front of the entire court, she was going to get her point across even if it killed her. It didn't matter to her if Dain was embarrassed by the envoy of Mirkwood elves or Men of Dale; she welcomed it, in fact.

"Dís –"

"No means no, Dain bloody Ironfoot! I will _never_ marry you!" the princess spat out. "Get it into your stupid head. If you ask me one more time, so help me, I _will_ leave you for the orcs!"

The redhead gaped, as did the court and the Mirkwood elves (though Thranduil seemed to be fighting some of that smugness in his features). That was considered treason in the extreme cases. "Now see here –!"

"I rather marry _Thranduil_ than you. _Do not tempt me_ ," Dís' stormy blue eyes clouded even further as she pointed at the Elvenking for further emphasis.

The blond king gave a smirk as he nodded thoughtfully, not taking offense from the rude gesture. "I wouldn't mind much if it annoys you dwarves. Princess Dís is a jewel among dwarves, even I have to admit that."

"You will lose the foothold you have over the people of Erebor if and when I leave, cousin. You _know_ they care more for me than you."

With that threat in the air, the fiery dwarrowdam stormed from the courtroom with no one stopping her. It's not like anyone could actually stop her.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Shadow: You go, Dís! Tell him what you think!** **Dís: You! Why did you kill my family, you witch?!**

 **Shadow: Woah, don't shoot me! I'm not the one who wrote the story; ask Tolkien about it.**

 **Dís: Tolkien, I'm going to kill you! *storms off to find the grave of Tolkien***

 **Shadow: Bye, Dís.** ***mutters* Damn, she's so much like Thorin.**


	19. Unorthodox Childrearing

**Alright, here's the next one, people! This _might_ be semi-crack, 'cause this makes no sense even to me. Let's just say... Bolg is not the Bolg we know from the movies.** **That is as much as I can say.**

 **I really don't know what I'm doing here. Please don't be disappointed but I won't be surprised that much if you guys do.** **And you would probably be even more disappointed since I almost didn't post today. I got worried cause the Wi-Fi just shut off without warning and it just turned on about five minutes ago.**

 **Disclaimer: Azog would kill me if I claim I own him. ("I DO NOT BELONG TO ANYONE, MUCH LESS TO SHADOW GEEK!") Bolg might scold me here too.**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **I.**

 **"Now, my bloodthirsty heir,"** Azog began, growling happily (as happily as the pale orc could get anyway) at the equally white babe. **"I shall teach you the ways of killing and defiling, especially against those blasted dwarves!"**

From the side, the exhausted orcess with the name Bashuk (yes, it wasn't very fear inspiring as other names but her parents never did have high hopes for her) shook her head as she watched her mate yell and brandish his arm-turned-mace at their newborn orcling as said orcling screamed back, not knowing the ways of their world but still attempting to secure his place.

(She rather have her child never know the dangers of war and death and pain, rather have him be safe than slaughtered by dwarves or men, but the orcess knew her mate would never allow that. At least, not knowingly.)

Perhaps the Defiler would like the name 'Bolg'? It did mean 'loud and strong.' It would placate the giant creature if their youngling grew up differently.

 **II.**

Azog grinned, showing his serrated teeth, as his five-year-old son played with his figurines. He was obviously pretending that he was killing dwarves with his orc-toy.

Though, he was _slightly_ concerned when he overheard Bolg asking the dwarf-doll to come over for a tea party, like some prissy weak daughter of a filthy Man.

The Defiler shook his head as he idly but carefully sharpened his blades. Bolg was just using tactics: lure the dwarves in with the promise of free food and drink under the guise of parley (dwarf scum would probably accept, those naïve fools) before brutally killing them by poison or decapitation (Azog was rooting for the latter).

His offspring was going to be a wonderful orc!

 **III.**

 **"Now, Bolg, catch!"** The White Orc tossed the sword at his heir; Bashuk was no longer alive (he hated how the bitch would stop him from training their son early so that he can start killing the other races and would protect him whenever Azog was in a rage. Bolg didn't _need_ protecting!) which meant he could finally start his training.

Bolg stumbled backwards as he caught the blade. The albino alpha frowned. It wasn't _that_ heavy! If he could carry it, it only made sense that his offspring should have been able to at least hold it properly.

 **"Now, use this as your target!"** Azog tossed the unfortunate orc that angered him earlier (how dare the bastard fail to catch a _simpleton_ of a dwarf and then blame it on its speed) into the pit. **"Think of those wretched dwarves. Use your hatred to kill this idiot!"**

Bolg and the nameless orc gave him incredulous looks (not that he knew what that meant exactly) before his heir gave a _manly_ war cry and rushed at the fearful orc that was already giving up.

(He didn't seem to notice that the war cry was halfhearted at best and the 'fearful' orc was simply bored already.)

 **IV.**

Bolg looked around for his father every now and then as he practiced his reading and writing with the materials his mother left him after her mysterious death.

It wasn't often he could do this as he usually spent his time training how to be a killer with his father. He rather be inside than outside and everyone but Azog knew that, even the Men and Dwarves they would kidnap.

Bolg would practice every time he wasn't training and, if he had to say so himself, his writing and reading were coming along greatly, which was saying something as he was the only literate being in the whole camp.

It wasn't normal for an orc, he knew that, but it seemed he took after his carrier more than his sire. One part of him was bothered by it but the other didn't really care.

 **"BOLG!"**

He sighed and stowed away his materials. It wouldn't do if his father found out then destroyed his last gift from his mother.

It was time for training with Azog.

 **V.**

Finally! His son, Bolg (his mighty heir, his successor, his one and only offspring, his, err... he ran out of other words), was ready to join him on the crusade against the dwarf scum Thorin Oakenshield and his band of ruddy dwarves after clearly showing his superiority to the orcs and wargs in the pack! His heir was going to enjoy the taste of dwarf flesh soon!

Azog cackled in glee into the night, ignoring the stares he received from everyone.

(It didn't occur to him that his subordinates were simply nodding their answer to Bolg's question nor that the wargs had rolled over to their backs, hoping for belly rubs.)

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Shadow: Azog is clueless or in denial.** **I don't know which one is the reason, to be honest.**

 **Bolg: It's second.**

 **Shadow: Oh hey, Bolg. Hiding from training?**

 **Bolg: Yes.**

 **Shadow: You don't speak much, do you, huh?**

 **Bolg: Not good in Westron. Too hard. *shrugs***

 **Shadow: *thumbs up* Keep at it!** ***whispers* Do it to spite Azog! He deserves to be spited!**


	20. Library

**Heh, sorry for the wait. I got distracted by an event in the church that my mom volunteered me for about two days ago. Let me just say, the dress was freaking heavy since I was the lead character and Maria Elena apparently _always_ wear a 2-3 meters train. I am not joining the event ever again.**

 **So here's the third installment of prompts I'm tasked to write over my vacation. This includes deaths (because then this wouldn't work for me) but I'm sure there's something funny in here for all you non-angsty readers to read. *rubs nape nervously* The Durin bros do that most of the time.**

 **Forgiveness is wanted (but not necessarily needed), as I don't know how a library works as the only libraries I know of are in my school and they only hold reference books which do not interest me. Sorry for any mistakes. And possibly for the fact I got the prompt wrong.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit. Otherwise everyone but Azog and his army lives.**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **I.**

"Oh, I am _so_ glad you decided to help me, Master Baggins!" Ori cheerfully chirped. "I heard about this library in the Blue Mountains and among the cities and towns of Men, and oh Mahal, it's one of the biggest libraries in the whole Middle-Earth! And to think, I would be Head Scribe once we get Erebor back to its former glory! I never dreamed it could come true!"

"It really is something, Ori," Bino interrupted before the young dwarf could continue his no doubt long tangent. "You certainly deserve it. And how many times have I told you to call me 'Bilbo?'"

The scribe blushed hard. "My apologies, Bilbo. I will try to stop it."

"Not to worry about it, lad. Now where should we start, _Head Scribe_? This is a really large room," Bilbo teased, stressing the title, as he gestured around the library.

"Oh! I think we need to start there first," the brunet pointed over to a cluster of tables. "We need to clean our surroundings before we can actually arrange the scrolls and books. Oh, there is so much to do!"

 **II.**

"Well, it's nice ta see ya so 'appy, laddie," Bofur exclaimed loudly, clapping the scribe on the back, nearly dislodging the books from the mouse-haired dwarf. "It's been some time since ah last saw ya!"

"Hello, Bofur. How's the search for the Arkenstone?" the younger one politely asked. "I'm still amazed Thorin allowed me to work on The library instead of the treasury."

"Ah guess 'e wanted people ta know wha' 'appened an' tha only way ta do tha' is ta get tha library done," the toy maker teased before his mustache seemed to droop. "We still 'aven't tha Arkenstone. Thorin's gettin' in a right tizzy, let meh tell ya tha'."

"So, why are you here, Bofur? Getting tired of work?"

"Ah'm jus' 'ere ta get outta his way an' possibly ta help ya. Where d'you put these, Ori?" the brunet pointed to the stack of books in the scribe's arms.

"Thank you, Bofur, I appreciate it. Um, this books go into the Third Age aisle, it should be three bookshelves away. You might not find it at first, but it was all Bilbo and I could do yesterday. Sadly, some of the texts appears unreadable and we would need a lot of help when Erebor is whole again. Oh! And do place them correctly and gently. Being in a castle full of dragon smell did not help them age well."

"Aye, aye, Ori. Yer tha boss," the hatted dwarf mock-saluted before ambling along the various bookshelves – the ones still standing of course.

 **III.**

"Ori! You have to hide us! Please!"

"Uncle is going to kill us if he finds us slacking off!"

"He can't scold us if we are helping you in here, right?"

"I can't stand another sight of gold! It's driving me mad!"

"Too true, brother, too true. I rather be in a room full of books than to look at another coin or jewel. I'm ready to tear my hair off!"

"Please, Ori, help us help you!" In unison, Fíli and Kíli pleaded to the highly baffled dwarf.

Ori kept looking at the pair of brothers, head moving between the two every few seconds. "Er, I was going to start eexamining some of the records that dated back to the start of the Second Age. It might take some time to finish it all..."

"Anything, Ori, even reading!: From beside the blond, Kíli nodded furiously to his older brother's words.

"Alright – but you better be behaved and careful!" Ori warned the two as they cheered.

"Thanks, Ori!" the two mischievous princes tackled the smaller scribe into a big hug.

 **IV.**

Nori wordlessly handed the list of scrolls and books he had rearranged that was in the section his younger brother for gave to him to said dwarf, who pointedly ignored him as he was perusing his own set of scrolls. The thief didn't mind. He had troubling thoughts too, despite the guard dog's taunts of him having no brains at all.

Normally, he would _never_ go near within twenty meters of the library (unless fetching Ori or getting info he absolutely can't find anywhere else) but his younger brother was pushing himself so hard, trying to ignore his most likely overwhelming thoughts. Besides, it was better him than Dori, who would motherhen Ori in public and Nori wondered if the scribe would finally snap if that happens.

It was hard for every dwarf kin since the deaths of most of the Royal Family half a year ago, but it hit the Company (and Princess Dís, of course) the hardest. Some of them had left, like Bifur and Bofur as they couldn't stand the Mountain for long (they promised to visit of course, once the pain dulled down a bit. Nori would miss his drinking and gambling partners, even if he didn't outright say it aloud). Others, like Nori, wandered around the kingdom with nothing to do. Yet most of them threw themselves into their work.

Even if he was a thief with little to no moral compass, he didn't like his little brother being hurt. Still, there was nothing he could do.

The russet-haired dwarf sighed as he left the room. His shift in the library had ended but he knew he would be back to pick up his little brother. He always did.

 **V.**

Balin sighed in relief as he placed the last book in its proper place (or the place Ori, as Head Scribe, ordered it to be). Finally, the Great Library of Erebor was restored to its former (or perhaps new) glory. He looked at his once-upon-a-time apprentice who looked as happy as Balin felt.

"It's finally done, Balin..." Ori whispered just loud enough for the advisor to hear, gazing around the huge room.

"Aye, it is, laddie," the old dwarf placed his hands on the taller dwarf. "Thorin and the lads would be so proud, no doubt of it."

"Will they? Are you sure of that?"

"As sure as my beard is white and my brother is bald."

For the first time in a long time, Balin saw peace in Ori's face. He finally succeeded in Thorin's last orders and Fíli and Kíli's wishes. Perhaps the lad can rest well finally.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Shadow: Well, that was depressing. I didn't know Ori could get that way.**

 **Ori: How could you _not_ know? _You're the author!_ You should know this stuff.**

 **Shadow: Shh! You can't just break the fourth wall like that! You're not Deadpool.**

 **Ori: ...Who? Fourth wall?**

 **Shadow: I said too much. *turns to invisible readers* Sorry to cut this short but I must be off before I can reveal the world of fanfiction to Ori.**

 **Ori: *confused* Who is she talking to?**

 **Shadow: Bye, Ori! Don't tell anyone what I've said! *runs off***

 **Ori: But she didn't say anything specific or important???**


	21. Fighting Lessons

**Here's the next one guys! I really like this one, especially the last part. Here's a hint about it: it's Bagginshield.**

 **Leona2016: I'm glad you liked the three previous chapters!** **Dís might actually do it if Dain doesn't back off, and it's hilarious to imagine Bolg playing with dolls and action figures. I'm still confused how the chapter with the Library is one of your favorite as I don't know how they work in the first place, but if you like it,** **I'm not gonna question you.**

 **As for the last two prompts given to me, they'll need a little bit more time as they're a bit harder to edit, so please don't expect the first of the two within the next two days. The other will follow two-three days after, hopefully.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit. If I did, Thorin would insist on me doing a training regimen as a 'role model' for the younger ones. And frankly I don't want that as I have, like, zero stamina.**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **I.**

"Alright, lads, tighten your hands around the handle of your sword but not too tight or too loose, like this," Thorin instructed, adjusting his nephews' grips after showing them how to hold the blade properly. "If your grip is too loose, it will get knocked out of your hands in two seconds flat. However, if it's too tight, it will be just as easy to lose your weapon. We can't have that in battle; no one will wait for you to pick up your sword. Remember, grip the handle _just_ right, as comfortable as you can get it without losing the sword."

"But, Uncle, why do I get a wooden sword when Fee gets a real one?" the more troublesome of the duo (not true, Fíli was just as troublesome as Kíli but with more tact and restraint) whined while the blond snickered behind his hand.

Thorin sighed. He knew it would eventually come to that but he futilely hoped it would come later. Much, _much,_ later. "Because, Kíli, you could get hurt."

The ex-prince didn't trust his sister-son enough to properly hold a real sword. Dís would skin him alive over a pot of boiling water if any of her sons, especially the baby of the family, got hurt. However, Thorin didn't want to deal wit _two_ whining dwarflings. Therefore, Kíli got a wooden sword while the older brother got a Man's knife, which was just as long but not as heavy and strong as a Dwarven sword.

"Fíli had done this at your age as well, Kíli. Do not forget that. And seeing as he has more... expertise in blades than you do, I trust he will not hurt himself, accidental or on purpose," Thorin gave a pointed look at his blond nephew.

Fíli gave a sheepish nod as he hid his arm he injured the week before.

"Now, I will show you the proper stances you must learn else you will be knocked over."

 **II.**

"Uncle!" the blond prince whined uncharacteristically – that was usually Kíli's job. "How many times do we have to practice this?"

'This' was a set of stances the two royals were required to learn before turning to the next part of their training. That piece of news didn't go well with the two younglings.

"Until you can do it naturally," came the curt reply.

Fíli spluttered in protest, "But we've done this a _thousand_ times! How are stances gonna help us in a real battle anyway?"

Kíli nodded along to his big brother's words.

The brunet crossed his arms. "How do _you_ know what a real battle is, Fíli? You are just 37; you are far too young to know what it is like. Has Dwalin been telling you things he shouldn't?"

"Nuh-uh," Kíli lied for the two of then as he fidgeted with his hands and looked away. Fíli also looked nervous.

"Fine then, Fíli. If you insist on saying you don't need to perfect your stances, spar with me. I will be the judge if you are ready or not," Thorin gave the blond a serious look (not that he wasn't always serious), changing his sword for a wooden one.

WHAP! "Your arm isn't strong enough." WHAP! "Few more inches on the left, Fíli, and maybe you won't stumble next time." WHAP! "Have you forgotten everything I thought you about blocking?" WHAP! "Where is your sense of balance?"

"Okay, okay, I get it!" the stubborn prince groaned after five minutes of the lesson. "I need more practice."

"Good. Do not forget that again," Thorin stared at his two nephews.

They rapidly nodded.

"I am just being hard on the both of you because stances is one of the core parts of training. I've seen many good Dwarrows fall because of one tiny mistake in their stances and I do not want any of you two to make that mistake. Do you understand?" Thorin softened his eyes and tone when he saw that they looked miserable, especially his eldest nephew.

Fíli nodded solemnly while Kíli looked up in awe.

"Now, practice your stances again. I want them to be second nature to the both of you."

They both groaned out loud, Fíli falling to the dusty ground.

 **III.**

Kíli scowled as he, once again, hit the target with suspicious accuracy. Fíli clapped hard from where he was while Thorin looked half-proud and half-constispated.

"That was great, Kee! You actually hit the bullseye! You're so much better than I was when I started archery. It took me months to hit the center!"

Thorin hummed. "You have quite an affinity for archery, Kíli. That is surprising in itself."

The brunet scowled harder, though to any other he was simply pouting rather cutely. "That's the pint, Uncle! I don't _want_ to have an affe – aphime – _affinity_ for this!" He waved around the bow and arrow he had in his hands.

"And why not?" The older dwarf raised an eyebrow while Fíli looked highly confused. "I would have thought you would be proud to have such a skill."

"It's not a Dwarf's weapon! It's an _Elf's!_ I don't want to be teased for using a _bow._ It's bad enough I don't have a beard like Fee!" Kíli swiped at the tears that welled up in his eyes against his will.

The blond immediately threw down his weapon (making Thorin winced at the loud crash), rushed to his brother, and gave him a big hug when he saw Kíli in misery. Their uncle followed.

"Shh, shh. Don't listen to those idiots. I'll beat them up for you, yeah?" Fíli whispered into Kíli's ear. "You'd like that, yeah?"

"Yeah!" The brunet giggled softly, tears stopping for the moment.

Thorin sat down on the ground, not minding the fact he got dirt on his clothes, and pulled his sister-sons onto his lap.

"Kíli, I have to admit that most Dwarrow don't use the bow, _but,_ " he stressed when he saw his nephew's face fall. "I know several Dwarrows that use that weapon, and we're marvelous at it. One of then was your father."

"Our – our father?" Fíli and Kíli looked awestruck to hear that fact.

"Yes, Víli was quite an amazing archer. And let me, Dís, Dwalin, _anyone,_ tell you: he was one of the manliest dwarves around," Thorin smiled at how Kíli brightened up. "He didn't stop archery just because people told him it was a girly weapon. The same for his knives."

Kíli grinned. "Alright! I'll do it! I'll do archery to honor **Adad!** "

"You can do it!" Fíli cheered as Kíli shot up and picked up his fallen weapon. He followed. "I'll honor **Adad** by using knives! I know I can do it too!"

Thorin just smiled as he stood up.

 **IV.**

The king pinched his nose bridge as he sighed heavily, watching his sister-sons make fools of themselves. They were _supposed_ to be sparring with their swords, under his supervision of course, but it somehow turned into a tickling match when Fíli knocked Kíli's sword out of his hands.

For a few more minutes, Thorin watched the two before silently turning and walking out of the training grounds. Let them have their fun but may Mahal be with them when their mother hears of their antics.

Thorin felt no pity for his nephews when it will inevitably happen. They were the ones to get themselves into the situation.

 **V.**

"No, no, no, Master Baggins! That is not the proper way to hold a sword!" Thorin scowled heavily as the blond Hobbit fumbled with his letter opener. From across the clearing, the other Dwarrows were watching. "And with that stance, you are left wide open for _any_ enemy to take you done. As well as your grip!"

"Well, then, show me how!" the grocer gasped in exasperation (and possibly he was out of breath).

"Fine!"

Thorin stomped towards the Burglar. He didn't care to notice the looks on the other Company members, specifically his nephews, as he situated himself behind the Burglar.

He also ignored how the slight being felt like and his (frankly adorable, _SHHH not a word_ ) 'eep!' as he pulled the Hobbit closer to him. He reasoned with his thoughts that it was for the best, because then he could have access to the Burglar's body.

Not in that way, of course! Just the arms! Thorin opted to ignore his mind for anything to do with the Hobbit unless it included the current training.

"Ahem," Thorin cleared his throat, hands grasping the grocer's wrists, essentially hugging him. "Arms need to be in front of you, wrists ready to turn in either direction. Your hands need to be firm enough," He wrapped his hands around the other's, squeezing them to emphasize how hard he should hold the letter opener (he couldn't help but notice how small and frail his hands were or how smooth his skin was). "As for your legs, it should be like this," Leaving the blond's arms alone (after making sure it stayed like that), he gripped his hips (ignoring the other's yelps) and turned it sideways. Thorin also nudged his legs apart with his own so that he wouldn't fall from a slight push.

When he was finally satisfied with the Burglar, he stepped away (once again ignoring the twinge in his heart) and nodded. He called, "Dwalin! Help the burglar! I am needed in other useful matters!" He couldn't help but notice the red blush on both of their cheeks, and that scared him. He needed to distance himself before he could get too attached.

Though he did send a glare to his nephews when one whispered, rather audibly, to the other, "He knows he could have done it without that much contact, right?"

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Shadow: That was something, huh?**

 **Fíli: Yup.**

 **Kíli: Why did I have to cry in the third part?** **That was not manly at all!**

 **Fíli: But you _did_ , Kee. I remember that vividly.**

 **Shadow: Do you even know what that word means, Fíli?**

 **Fíli: Of course! It means 'really detailed,' right?**

 **Shadow: Just checking, Goldie.**

 **Fíli: Hey!**

 **Thorin: Geek! *stomps in* How dare you make me act like that with the Burglar?! *points finger at my face***

 **Shadow: *innocent* Act like what, Thorin? You were just helping Bilbo with fighting.**

 **Thorin: Don't play coy, Geek! You know what I mean!**

 **Kíli: I think you actually wanted to be that close to Master Boggins.**

 **Fíli: I have to agree, Uncle.**

 **Thorin: Don't be absurd.**

 **Shadow: It's so amusing to see you with Bilbo. I ship it!**

 **Thorin: Grr! *stomps away***

 **Shadow: Bye!**


	22. 'Cooking'

**Hey, it's the next one and it's about someone helping Bombur cook. Heh, it's sorta wrong 'cause no one except the Bilbo _actually_ cooks (and maybe the fourth part, not sure really) but instead most of them helps with the preparation of the actual cooking. You'll see what I mean later. This is just bad, sorry about that.**

 **I messed up in the last chapter, guys. Well, maybe not the chapter itself but the notes. I meant to say _three_ chapters, not _two._** **I counted wrong, again. So I'm posting this today then the next chapter after three days and so on.**

 **Leona2016: Do you really expect Thorin to admit that he _likes_ Bilbo? We'll need Gandalf and his magic and a lot of sneaking to get him to admit that. I wonder how that'll work out...**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit or else Bombur would smack me with his ladle across the head because of all the scenarios I get the Company to get through.**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **I.**

"Master Burglar, go help Bombur cook!" Thorin Oakenshield sneered as he added, "I'm sure, as a creature of _food and home_ like yourself, you would know how to prepare something as simple as _stew_."

Bilbao blushed hard as several of the Company laughed openly at his expense. The hobbit muttered under his breath as he not quite stomped towards the big - even for a hobbit - dwarf.

"My word, he is just like a fauntling! In fact, everyone in this journey are worse than Hobbit fauntlings! Why did I ever join this adventure in the first place if he treats me like a helpless grocer?"

"You do not need to help me, Master Baggins," Bombur protested as he gripped his ladle tightly. "I can cook for fifteen perfectly fine by myself."

"Oh no, Master Bombur, I insist on helping. After all, I'm just a _Hobbit._ "

Something in Bilbo's face and tone seemed to scare the big dwarf as the shorter being marched past him and furiously yet meticulously laid out the cooking materials.

Bombur was smart enough to get out of the Hobbit's way. Bilbo Baggins was a creature on a mission and the cook could not stop him.

During dinner hours later, Bombur couldn't help but chuckle at Bilbo's face as a wide grin took him when Thorin begrudgingly complimented on his cooking.

 **II.**

"Need any help, **Nadad?** " Bofur swung his arm around his brother's broad shoulders. "Ah know it gotta get 'ard to cook fer such a rowdy bunch like us."

"What do you want, Bofur?" Bombur rolled his eyes as he continued stirring the broth he prepared. The flaps of the toy maker's hat hit him lightly on the side of his head as the brunet laughed.

"Ya know meh so well, Bombur!" The toy maker's laughs turned into chuckles. "Let meh help ya wi' dinner."

"You just want to get out of watching the ponies with the lads, don't you?"

"Right again. So, can ah?"

The orange-haired dwarf again rolled his eyes. "Go and prepare the bowls and spoons. That should keep you our of trouble."

The brunet laughed again as he pushed himself off Bombur and whistled joyously as he bounced towards Bombur's pack.

 **III.**

"Thanks, Gloin," Bombur beamed. The redhead grunted as he ambled off somewhere to polish his axe. The fire the family-loving dwarf (normally he wouldn't care, as he had a family himself, but Gloin was taking it to a new level) made crackled brightly.

Normally he wouldn't bother the others to make a fire, as he could do it himself, but the last rainfall (deluge, really) had soaked the surrounding wood and he couldn't find his flint at all, so he opted to ask Gloin to make a fire, as he was one of the more successful of the group to light a fire.

Like any other dwarf he disliked asking for help. But unlike other Dwarrows, he knew when to lay down his pride and ask for it. Besides, he didn't want to disappoint Thorin. Mahal, he was one scary dwarf!

 **IV.**

"Er, run that by me again, lads?" Bombur blinked.

"We have ta help ya, Bombur!" the more temperamental of the two, Kíli, exclaimed.

The blond nodded solemnly. "Yes. Uncle says we have to help ALL the members of the Company. Otherwise he'll kill us himself."

"Isn't that a bit extreme?"

"Nope." The two replied at the same time.

"O...kay. Er, what do you need to do?"

The two brothers practically lit ,please as the grinned at the cook. Bombur shifted, slightly nervous at the way they took a step forward. This... was not good for him, was it?

"We're going to cook tonight!"

Uh oh. Not good. _At all._

He was correct. Not even five minutes in, Fíli massacred the vegetables with his knives (note to self: the blond seemed to have a vendetta against the greens), making them all different sizes, while Kíli managed _to set the water on fire_. Who does that?!

(Note to self... again: don't let either of the two 'help' him when he cooking.)

 **V.**

Bombur nodded happily at Dori as they treaded the undergrowth back to camp. He was glad the strong dwarf could help him as everyone had their own duties or had mysteriously disappeared.

The dwarf could have gotten by himself but Thorin didn't want anyone left by themselves and for some reason, the wizard wanted lots of wood. If he'd gone by himself, the king would've been angry and it would have taken twice as long to get this much wood.

So here he and Dori were, piles of wood stacked high in their arms. At least now, Bombur mused, they would have enough wood for two, maybe three, fires. It would certainly help when he's cooking the boar Kíli and Fíli took down later.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Shadow: Well, that was something.**

 **Bombur: There was little to absolutely no cooking in this chapter, you know that, right?**

 **Shadow: Well excuse me if I'm not a Hobbit, I'm practically useless in the kitchen, just like Fíli and Kíli.**

 **Fíli and Kíli: *from the distance* HEY!**

 **Shadow: So don't blame me - wait, actually, do it. It's my fault for never learning how to cook actual meals. Unless you include those instant-cooked noodles stuff?**

 **Bombur: That doesn't count.**

 **Shadow: *sigh* Knew it. Anyways, bye Bombur, your food is burning. *runs off***

 **Bombur: Oh no! *runs off***


	23. Tea Shop

**Here's another installment. I had fun with this, I really did. Though, of course, I had no idea what I'm doing. I don't like tea, not when I was forced to drink it when I was sick at a young age.** **Even if it was just once, it still put me off. Sorry, tea lovers.**

 **Warning:** **I hope you all like puns =). I can see Nori, the princes, and Bilbo (with a slight nudge) doing this.**

 **Leona2016: I'm sure Bombur had little trouble cooking for the Company, not when they help him, even when it turns out horribly. Except Bilbo. Bilbo is excellent at cooking.**

 **The next chapter might not actually come out till the end of this week because I just learned that the place I'm boarding in during weekdays doesn't have Wi-Fi and it will stay like that for a few days even if we pay for it right at this moment. Sorry about that guys. Hopefully the chapter will be uploaded by Friday night.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit. If I did, Dori would force me to drink tea so that I would learn to 'like' it.**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **I.**

"Come again!" Dori called when the last of his customers left. He had built the shop after the quest and when Erebor was back on her feet. It took some time but his shop, 'Quali-Tea,' was finally working. (He hated to admit it but Nori had chosen the name and it fitted quite well.)

Sure, he had plenty of money and he didn't need to work at all, but it was his dream. It didn't matter if most Dwarrows thought it was an Elvish drink (Dori knew they jusjust didn't want to admit they liked the stuff). He just wanted Quali-Tea to be known as one of the only tea shops in Erebor.

"Brew-tea-ful night, ain't it?" the slick voice of his first younger brother came from behind him, causing the silver-haired dwarf to yelp and spin around. "Not that anyone can see it in this mountain."

"Nori! You nearly gave me a heart attack!" the tea shop owner scolded. He raised an eyebrow when his brother just took a sip from the cup he was holding in response. "Are you drinking tea? My tea?"

"As much as ah hate tha prissy green-eaters, ah have ta say, this is quali-tea," the redhead winked, putting down his cup.

Dori just rolled his eyes, slightly shivering. "Should I expect you to do this every evening, brother?"

"Dun' get yer hopes up, Nadad. But, I'll leaf you now," the spy shot a look at the jar of herb leaves as he disappeared into the shadows.

 **II.**

"Thank you for coming, Bali. It's been so long since I've seen the Company members in this level, much less you or Thorin."

The old advisor – now Minister of War (not that he ever stopped advising the King) – chuckled into his cup. "We've been busy with the delegates of Gondor and Rohan."

"And how are the meetings working? If I understand correctly, neither kingdoms were friendly at the time before Smaug."

Bali sighed, "Stressful. The Prince of Rohan is polite enough but the steward of Gondor is another matter entirely."

Dori just grinned. "And that is why I avoid politics entirely. I am quite satisfied with my current job."

"Is it alright to do this? As you said, you have a job. Is it alright to just drop it?" Bali gave a very pointed look around the shop.

"Bah," Dori waved it off flippantly. "I have other staff. If I can't have time for friends, I certainly shouldn't have invited you here in the first place."

"Hmmm," the white-haired dwarf hummed as he stretched his shoulders. "What is this tea? It seems to help with the knots in my back."

"Chamomile tea does that."

"Indeed, it seems it does."

The two fell silent, content enough to just sip their drinks and bask in the relative silence.

 **III.**

"Dori, we missed brew!" Kíli cried out, nearly dislodging the part-time weaver with his hug. Fíli just looked amused (and slightly apprehensive) when the brewing pot of tea sloshed around.

"Kíli, lad, let go," Dori sighed as he gingerly put down the pot. "I would hate for either of us to get burned."

The blind laughed as the brunet reluctantly let go. "Yeah, I imagine that won't be Kíli's or my cup of tea."

The old dwarf narrowed his eyes, suspicion clear in his brown eyes. "Nori put you two up to pester me with his Mahal-forsaken puns, didn't he?"

"Now, now, Master Dori," Kíli started rather pompously. "Let's not be the pot calling the kettle black. If I remember Ori's words correctly, you used to make jokes on the Spy Master's expense."

"Yes, Master Dori," the first heir to the throne joined in, smirk plain on his face. "You're rather steeped in irony, don'tcha think?"

The tea lover just groaned as the duo laughed.

 **IV.**

"Welcome to Quali-Tea, Master Elf," Dori greeted with politeness. Yes, just as every other dwarf, he didn't have a good relationship with elves but it was his policy to be polite to every customer.

"This is surprising, Master Dwarf," the blond Mirkwood Elf nodded back, sipping his tea. "It is not often you see a dwarf with a tea shop."

Dori raised his eyebrows, affronted. "And why is that so surprising?"

"I meant no offense. It is mainly Men and Elves that drinks tea. I was under the impression that Dwarves dislike tea."

Dori sighed heavily. "Unfortunately, that is true. But I'm making some progress."

"I wish you luck, Master Dori," the blond smiled benignly. "For a dwarf, your tea is delicious."

"Thank you!" the Ri beamed and stayed that way even after the elf left.

 **V.**

"Bilbo! It's been so long!" Dori grabbed the hobbit and gave him (perhaps literally) a bone-crushing hug. The blond gave a rather painful squeak. "How's the Shire?

Bilbo gave a sigh of relief when he was put down. "It's nice to see you too. The Shire has been wonderful for the last two years. Lobelia's been putting a strain on my nerves, though."

"Hmm. How about some tea? That should help," Dori offered, already pouring him a cup despite the lack of answers.

"Sure," the hobbit accepted, late. "I am afraid I am in hot water. The Shire doesn't approve of traveling, you know. Some of my relationships with several Hobbits I don't care to name fame to a bitter end," He sipped his tea before continuing. "I'm not crying over spilt milk, though."

"What's with the puns, Bilbo?" Dori finally snapped, eye twitching.

He sheepishly laughed. "Fíli and Kíli made a bet with me on how many puns I can make before you noticed."

"Who's winning?"

"Kíli."

Dori groaned as he laid his head on the table. "I never expected this from you, Bilbo. The princes, yes. My brother, absolutely. But you? No. Why must my life be plagued with horrid puns by the likes of you and my brother?"

"You can _chai_ it, you know. You might actually like it," the blond laughed, lifting the cup of chai tea he was given. The tea lover just groaned even harder.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Dori: Why am I being tortured in here?** **Shadow: You aren't, drama queen.**

 **Dori: Those puns were horrible!**

 **Shadow: Come on, it's not like you're _buckling under the strain,_ are you?**

 **Dori: Gah! That's it, I had enough! I'm leaving! *stomps off***

 **Shadow: _Cool down,_ Dori! No need to get _heated up._**

 **Dori: *far away* Ugh!**

 **Shadow: Hehe.**


	24. Sorry

**I am so sorry guys. I left for almost a year. Yeah, not one of my finest moments. I have no reasonable excuses to say other than I got lazy and had writer's block and I was busy with school. However, that are excuses that are not reasonable. If others can do it, I should be able to do it. But hey, it's almost summer, so yay! I don't have to worry about school for next year since I have a slot for me in Senior High and I'm not going anywhere in the see-able future.**

 **Because of my year long hiatus (which I did not explain about, and I really should have said something in the summary, my mistake), I'm going to spam this work with several chapters to make up for the months that I was gone. Maybe one for each month I've missed. So, about ten chapters in ten days. I'm not sure..**

 **I accept critique for my work (because I'm a little rusty from little to no practice) but please don't flame me, even if I do deserve it for leaving everything hanging.**

 **Leona2016: I'm sorry if I didn't fulfill your prompts list, especially the one with Bofur singing. Songs and poems are not my strong points because I'm very horrible at it. I'll try to make it up to everyone, especially you. I'm sure you are disappointed in me. *shrugs sadly***

 **Here is the chapter with the very word I'm trying to say: Sorry! I'll try to make this chapter and the next several chapters really long.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own the Hobbit. I do not get the right after being gone for so long. Everyone will kill me if I make a claim to it.**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **I.**

"He looks more like a grocer than a burglar," Thorin grunted. His Company held back their laughs, though they were still audible even to the Halfling (save for his nephews; they'll never learn).

The Halfling looked up at him with shocked brown eyes, and the exiled King almost apologized under the pressure of having such innocent eyes on him (it didn't help Tharkûn was glaring from behind the Hobbit). Oh Mahal, his eyes were so big and wide and dammit, why was he cuter than his baby nephews?!

But he didn't. He gave himself a moment to compose himself. What he said was true. And there was little doubt _this Hobbit_ would join. There would be no need to apologize when he wouldn't see him after this night.

(It was for the creature's own good anyway. If they dissuade him now, the Hobbit will not join the quest and he would not be in danger. He would never survive the journey otherwise. Thorin didn't want a sure death on his hands.)

 **II.**

"You think an orc raid is a joke?" Thorin demanded heatedly, glaring down at his nephews. His sister-sons flicked their eyes away, looking rather pained and panicked.

"We didn't mean it, Uncle." Of course they didn't mean anything! They were barely of age in Dwarf standards! But that didn't mean they could scare the Shireling with imaginary enemies. Master Baggins was useless as he is without fear weighing him down. He didn't need to be more frightened!

The ravenette growled, "That's because you know nothing of the world." He stormed away to the edge. He needed to calm down or else he would say something that would further infuriate him and sadden his nephews. Behind him, he could hear Balin recount the Battle of Azanulbizar.

(That blasted Battle… His grandfather, Mahal bless his soul, was an idiot for even trying to claim Moria. He lost so many that day. _His grandfather and father, Frerin, Víli…_ So many kin…)

He felt regret at the way he snapped at his sister-sons. Dís would kill him if she was here (of course, she could also react the same way as he did, though much softer, he wouldn't deny that). He wanted to apologize but…

Fíli and Kíli needed to mature, else they'll die painfully in this cruel world. And if there was anything he wished in this world the most (aside from his people's homeland), it would be for them to not die so young.

 **III.**

The way that Gandalf, Balin and Baggins looked at him made him want to swallow his words. Thorin realized he wasn't acting very kingly. He knew it and they knew it. And that made him angry. Angry at himself, at Tharkûn and his old mentor, at the Shireling that looked at him with those damned brown eyes that looked so much like a puppy's.

(Dammit, that was almost his downfall right there. How the hell did the burglar get so good at puppy eyes? He was resistant to Fíli and Kíli for years! And now he's almost swayed by one he hardly knew?!)

The Company needed help, loathe was he to admit, even if the aid were from tree-shaggers, and he just insulted the elf.

(But with Elves' sense of honor, even they won't turn away the Company of thirteen Dwarrows, a Hobbit, and a Wizard when they were already in their territory. They were all about honor and self-righteousness. They would help if it gave them the satisfaction of holding it over their heads.)

But to apologize to Elrond, an _elf?_ He'd rather die!

(Elves were never to be trusted! His kin in Mirkwood abandoned them to their fates all those years ago. No! He would never trust nor apologize to a blasted elf!)

 **IV.**

 _Clang!_ Thorin gritted his teeth as he batted an arrow away. Dwalin was by his side, as always. He was glad for that. The guard was fighting several goblins as they forced their way out of Goblin Town, Gandalf ahead of them and the others behind them.

After this, perhaps he should apologize to his friend for somehow getting the Company in this mess? After all, if it wasn't for him, the quest wouldn't have gone underway and there would be no need for anyone to risk their lives for this suicidal mission (and yes, he knew it was suicide but he had to take it). However, eyeing the sharp grin even in the midst of battle, he decided not to.

Dwalin would kill him should he say something, much less blame himself for this predicament. If even a word of regret passes his lips, Thorin had no doubt that he would smack him across the face for even suggesting it. He wouldn't put it pass him.

 **V.**

"I will not risk the lives of my Company for the Burglar!"

"Bilbo," his adviser stated, face hard. "His name is Bilbo."

The soon-to-be King nearly flinched at the subtle anger and disgust in his usually placid friend. He wanted to apologize but stopped himself.

(He didn't want to think of everyone dead, burned, mauled, impaled, _anything_ , at the hands of the blasted worm with Bilbo at the center of it all. _He didn't want to think about everyone he started to call family dead._ )

He was going to be King and he didn't need to say sorry for something he haven't done.

(Balin would understand soon enough. Thorin had faith, little as it is, that the Hobbit will make it out alive with the Arkenstone. The Hobbit will be alive and Thorin wouldn't have to send in anyone after him into the Mountain when the dragon was undeniably awake.

He knew he wasn't above everything, despite being royalty but damn it was exhilarating to be above everyone else, to not be _helpless_ , and he really didn't want to think about apparent death. He knew he would have to apologize later, maybe when everything is fine and all, but he just wanted this moment to himself once more.)

 **+1**

"I'm sorry, Bilbo," Thorin rasped. He was dying and he knew he had to apologize to the Shireling before it was too late. His strength was slipping and it was all he could do to hold on. He didn't have that much time left. He said so many hurtful things over the year of their journey, and more than half of it was filled with snarks and grunts and glares from him.

He needed to remedy that when he still has time.

"You're going to be okay," Bilbo shook his head, tears pooling at his eyes as he tried to stop the bleeding.

(Hah, the wound was too deep. Thorin knew he would die in less than ten minutes. He needed to get his apologies out fast. He didn't want to leave without remedying their friendship.)

"No, I'm not. You know that," Thorin was getting dizzy and the edges of his vision was fading. He continued but he didn't know what he was spouting, something about acorns and armchairs and home. That sounded really familiar, though… When Bilbo came back when Thorin thought him gone from the Misty Mountains?

"Everyone needs you, Thorin." His voice was really panicky. That was sweet of him, being so concerned over Thorin when he had no hope. "Hold on, please."

Why did he banish Bilbo? He was just trying to save them all from an unneeded war and he just threw him away. Perhaps if he had listened to the Halfling, they would have time to prepare and his sister-sons would be alive, even if injured. But no, they were dead and it was his fault.

"I'm sorry, Bilbo, " Thorin managed to choke out a final time. At least he would see his nephews soon in the Halls of their Maker. The world went dark just as he heard, "I can see them! The eagles are here, Thorin!"

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Shadow: Well, at least you apologized, Thorin.**

 **Thorin: And I can see you didn't.**

 **Shadow: I did! It's just that I don't think anyone will forgive me any time soon.**

 **Thorin: Was there a reason I died, or are you going to avoid my question for eleven months also?**

 **Shadow: Ugh! You have to die, because it would be the only way to get you to say sorry unless I bring Dis in, and there's no way that's happening because i'm all out of writing juice at the moment.**

 **Thorin: And what about you, Geek? What's your excuse?**

 **Shadow: I'm a very stubborn person, just like you. I don't say sorry all that often unless I need to.**

 **Thorin: Are you calling me difficult, Geek?!**

 **Shadow: Gotta run! Have to post the next chapter in an hour or so! *dashes off***

 **Thorin: GEEK!**


	25. Defying Expectations

**Hi guys! I'm being the chappie title right now. I bet none of you expected me to actually go through with this spree of mine, huh? Then again, if I were you, I would do the same thing. I'm not that good with promises, as all of you can tell with the previous year.**

 **But hey, at least I'm doing this now. I'm almost done with school too. All that's left is our clearance (signatures and passing leftover projects and stuff), community service for anyone that was late/absent, and then the actual moving up. Woohoo! I'm gonna be a senior next year! I can't wait, cause I'm really sick of school and I just want it to end.**

 **Leona2016: Thanks! I'm really glad you liked it. I'm still gonna update it in a spamming spree, cause I want to _try_ to keep my promise. I'll try to keep myself healthy. Is it weird if I say 'You too'?**

 **Disclaimer: I would like to defy expectations _*snicker*_ and say that The Hobbit is mine, but sadly, it is not. Enjoy this chapter!**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **I.**

Gandalf expected different from the Hobbit in front of him. The fun, improper adventure-seeking fauntling changed into a conscious, adventure-wary Hobbit, and it bothered him greatly. It would make him joining the quest more difficult than he imagined.

(Gandalf briefly wondered what would happen to his person if the Company knew that he was lying and didn't tell their burglar about the quest. No, even if Bilbo Baggins changed, and not for the better, he was still raised by Bungo Baggins, and if he knew the late Baggins Head, Bilbo would be the polite Hobbit Bungo raised and not complain to the dwarves. He should be safe for now until the inevitable discovery. Hopefully he'll be far away by then.)

The wizard thought that Bilbo Baggins would still be the fauntling he was years ago, but living without parents and with his suspicious peaceful Hobbit neighbors made that unrealistic, even he had to admit.

(Alright, he may not have visited the Shire for a long time, but he thought that Belladonna's behavior would rub off on her son. Clearly, Bilbo needed some persuading to join the quest.)

Oh well. The Grey Wizard might be old but he still have his tricks up his sleeves.

 **II.**

Kíli, son of Dís, didn't expect the Halfling to insult them when they _were in trouble!_ And was it really the time to do that? They were tied to sacks and half of the Company were being cooked alive! He knew most were hard on the Shireling, but surely Master Boggins wasn't resorting to _name-calling?_ With the trolls around them to boot! If they made it out alive, he'll have the knowledge that trolls think their burglar so poorly of them.

As everyone started shouting at the traitor, Uncle Thorin kicked him (painfully! He was going to bruise, he just knew it!), which caused a huge _THUD_ , and everyone went silent. Oin got it first.

"Ah got p-parasites as big as mah arm!" That caused a few comments to start as everyone tried to outdo each other.

(Kíli was ashamed to admit that it wasn't his finest moment. _'I got HUGE parasites!'_ Yeah, he hoped Ori wouldn't put that in his journal/travel log book thing. That would be _so_ embarrassing! _)_

It was only afterwards that he realized Bilbo Boggins saved them from trolls by saying they were _infected with worms._

(Ok, it was effective but it still hurt. He thought Master Boggins hated them! He didn't want Master Boggins to hate him. He didn't seem the type to hate but Kíli didn't want to risk a chance.)

 **III.**

The funny-hatted Dwarf didn't expect such harsh words from such a kind being, even if it was true. Sure, they didn't have a home, but that was the reason for this quest. They were going to claim it back! Bilbo was going to help them; that was the point for getting him as the Company's burglar!

Bofur realized that Bilbo was just upset － probably Thorin's words earlier was the cause for that (damn you stupid Dwarf of a King! Everyone can see the tension between the two; why can't they admit their feelings?! And to say such harsh words even though it wasn't true was just too much, even for him) － and he wasn't thinking (like so many Dwarrows in the Company).

That didn't mean it didn't hurt. So, with sorrow in his heart, he let Bilbo go. It wasn't his place to hold him back if the Hobbit was homesick and he couldn't deprive him of his home.

(Bofur didn't expect the ground to open up, but he didn't blame Bilbo. There was no way the Child of the West had anything to do with that.)

 **IV.**

The Halfling surprised him. He came back, made a speech, and then he saved Thorin from becoming warg dinner.

He didn't have to risk his life; that was his job! The Hobbit didn't like Thorin (he refused to think about those two in a relationship), Dwalin knew that, yet he just rushed into battle to kill the orc soldier and face _Azog the Defiler._ That took serious guts. Guts that Bilbo Baggins had all along during the quest. Guts that Dwalin thought didn't exist.

(Dwalin still wanted to thump him across the head. What in Mahal's name was he thinking, rushing into battle?! Inexperienced with a sword and he faces an orc decades older than him? It was a bloody miracle he didn't die! He was going to teach the suicidal idiot how to handle his tiny letter opener before the lad could go into another fight. He would be a piss poor companion if he let the burglar do such a thing again. He'll have to recruit the others too.)

Dwalin didn't expect the backbone of a Burglar Hobbit.

 **V.**

Thorin… didn't know what to expect. For the first part of the quest, Bilbo was, frankly, useless. He got them into (and out of) trouble (such as the trolls). He consorted with the elves in Rivendell. Thorin almost fell when he boosted up the Halfling in the Misty Mountains and therefore almost died.

Then he saw the Burglar in a new light. He was courageous and loyal, a good mediator (Thorin didn't want to think of the skin-changer or of the elves), and he was extremely kind and resourceful.

(He was always kind and resourceful, Thorin couldn't say he wasn't. But it was never highlighted. He never noticed it until after Azog. Perhaps if he did, he wouldn't have been so harsh to the Halfling in the beginning. But time couldn't be reversed and hopefully Thorin could be a little bit kinder to the Baggins Head in the future.)

He prove that by somehow sneaking them out of the blasted leaf-eater's dungeons. He still can't believe they escaped Thranduil's jails with barrels and got out with minimal injuries.

Bilbo Baggins was an enigma to him. And he doubted he could figure out the Hobbit even with all the time in the world.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Bilbo: Am I really that surprising?**

 **Shadow: No offense, Bilbo, but you don't really have the 'tough' vibe at first glance. Unless you decide to just go wrestling with one of the Company, then you look like you can handle a fight at least.**

 **Bilbo: ...At least I've been in fights.**

 **Shadow: Alright, I'll concede to that. I'm not much of a fighter. I rather stay at the sidelines.**

 **Bilbo: And not do anything, right?**

 **Shadow: Yup. I can't tell you how many times my parents lectured me about that. But defying expectations, so to speak, is not that bad. I rather like that idea. Makes people interesting! So, be happy about that, Bilbo.**

 **Bilbo: Thanks for that. I'll keep that in mind when you use me for another story of yours.**

 **Shadow: Hehe. Gotta run though, Bilbo. 'rents are calling! Have fun with the Company. Bye!**


	26. Curious

**Ah, hey guys. I'm sorry. I didn't update yesterday (in my time) because was acting up and I couldn't log in.**

 **So I'm doing it now when I just woke up. I'll post the next chapter later this afternoon. Hopefully the site won't act up again.**

 **Leona2016: Heh, I'm glad you have the same idea as me. Life would be boring without random changes.**

 **Here's the next chapter! Hope you guys like it.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit. I'm just taking it out for a spin.**

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 **I.**

Assander was curious about the dwarves they had caught in the forest. Being one of the youngest elves in the squad, and since the fall of Erebor, he hadn't seen many dwarves, much less talked to them up close. Even before Smaug, he was never allowed to leave the forest by his parents and by the time Smaug came, he was barely past his maturity.

Even though most of the elves talked badly of the gold-loving race, Assander wanted his own opinion before judging them. After all, not _everything_ is bad about them, right? There has to be _some_ good points to them.

Still, the dwarf he caught kept quiet, glaring and growling at him in his weird rough language (not anything like smooth light Sindarin), especially after he took their knives. Eru, they had many of them; were they afraid of losing some? Did they raid a smithy before entering the Greenwood? And come to think of it, was the dwarf a male or female?

He proceeded to ask. (Something he would semi-regret.)

"I am male, you damn weed-eater!" the dwarf exploded, most likely cursing Assander in his native language. He looked like he would stab Assander in the leg if it didn't mean that he would get an arrow in the head. The _male_ dwarf's companions shot him glares while his own companions gave him amused looks.

Assander didn't ask the dwarf again.

(That was _too_ embarrassing to try ever again. He rather keep his dignity, thank you very much.)

 **II.**

Assander wondered idly of the blond dwarf. There weren't many blond dwarves, if what the books said were true. Did he manage to change his hair color or was he born with it? Was there some plant that can change it or was it a dwarven thing? The elf twirled his brown hair thoughtfully. Maybe the dwarf can tell him how to change it, if he _did_ change his original hair color.

It was worth the try. Besides, Assander _might_ left some knives in the dwarf's coat (Yes, he knew it was a very bad thing to do, considering he was a Royal Guard, but what can a prisoner do with a few knives?). He could get his name also. It was rather tiring to call him 'the blond dwarf' every time he thought of him.

He was just doing his job anyhow, making sure they were still in their cells and not killing either themselves or the other elves patrolling the dungeons.

And, if anyone － elf or dwarf － asked, well, he could just say that he needed to inspect the cells in case of missed weapons. After all, it wouldn't do if one had a weapon they can kill with.

 **III.**

Fíli glared at the elf who _just keeps coming back_. What was so interesting to the weed-eater? Was the stones important or what? Or was he - Mahal no - interested in _him?_

The leaf-eater － Assander, was it? (The guards didn't seem to kno how to whisper or they didn't care if the Company knew their names) － had to be a spy and was trying to befriend him in order to get details about their quest. There was no other explanation.

But if he was trying to get details, why in Mahal's clothes was _he so touchy?!_ Sure, he had more knives, but this was the umpteenth time the elf visited and frisked the blond. Frankly, Fíli was getting tired by this molester and if he could just get out of his binds －

"Gaah!" the blond prince yelped, jerking away from Assander's wandering hands while pushing away said elf. "Stop that, for fuck's sake!"

Assander gave him a smirk and a raised eyebrow as he lifted _another_ of Fíli's knives － that was his favorite! － and remarked calmly (was there excitement in his tone? No, it was something resembling glee that as a prankster, he would recognize it), "And why, pray tell, was this in your pants?"

Fíli sneered, "And why, pray tell, was your hand doing in my pants exactly?" It somewhat unnerved him that it was so close to him in, ahem, that area.

The brunet laughed, a tinny tinkling laugh (so unlike his own guffaws) as he stood up. "Just doing my job, dwarf."

"Well, I appreciate it if you leave me alone, elf." Fíli sneered as the brunet left his cell.

 **IV.**

Kíli wondered what exactly was happening in the next cell as his brother's and an elf's voices echoed loudly in the hall. He shared a look with his own visitor, (the lovely, passionate redhead elleth he was interested in but he would never admit that tidbit) Tauriel.

"Umm, what exactly is happening to Fíli?" the second heir to Erebor asked the elleth hesitatingly. He didn't like the fact he was in a different cell from his brother.

Tauriel gave him a small, amused smile. "Assander is rather taken with your brother, it seems."

"Assander?" Who was this Assander? Did he pose a threat to Fíli? If he did, he didn't care what would happen to him, he would break out of this cell and _kill_ him.

"My squad member. Smart ellon but younger than most. I assume he is the youngest of us elves, actually." Tauriel frowned as she tried to remember more details. "In fact, I think he's barely older than Legolas and he is the youngest among us elves."

Kíli frowned, worried. "My **nadad** has an admirer and he's _alone_ with him? What are you thinking?" That wouldn't do. He knew Fíli. He didn't like elves like that. Not to mention, if one was to court a dwarf, they needed the family's permission and a chaperone.

"Your brother will be fine. Assander is merely curious and immature for an elf. He will not harm your brother, Kíli," Tauriel smirked at his distress. "I think Assander is more likely to get stories from your brother than blood."

"OK," the archer relented. "I will hold you to your word." Still, he would need to assess this Assander. After all, he might be a threat to Fíli's virtue. "Dammit! Stop touching me, elf!" Fíli suddenly shouted, making Kíli jolt. I don't want your hands anywhere!"

Kíli could hear the amused voice of this Assander. "I had no idea you are so ticklish, Master Dwarf."

"Get your hands off my feet, damn it!"

"He's also ticklish in the armpits!" Kíli called out, grinning at the outraged yells. As long as he wasn't harming his brother, he would gladly give them ammunition. It was too long since he planned a prank against Fíli, albeit indirectly.

"KÍLI, YOU TRAITOR!"

"Thanks, master Kíli!"

"No problem!" The two archers shared a grin as more laughs and yells echoed in the hall.

 **V.**

The brunet was walking with Tauriel (a rather good friend despite their age differences and her position as Captain) to the dungeons before attending the Feast of Starlight. It was their turn to inspect their prisoners.

He was interested in Fíli's travels (he finally got the blond's name after several minutes of nagging and threats to tickle torture) and the fact that the dwarf always had a blade on him _every time_ Assander came by.

Come to think of it, it's probably best if he search Fíli again, just to be sure. And maybe learn more of the world outside.

It was always amusing to hear about their adventures outside the forest. Perhaps, when he will be older, he could venture out and roam the world. That would be a nice thought.

(And if, for some reason, the dwarves got out of King Thranduil's dungeons, perhaps he could visit Fíli, whether in the Blue Mountains or in Erebor. That was a really appealing thought.)

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Fíli: HOW COULD YOU?** **Shadow: Why are you so upset? You made a new friend!**

 **Fíli: Unwillingly! He kept coming back to annoy me.**

 **Shadow: Eh, suck it up. You'll probably not see him after this.**

 **Fíli: Where did you even get the idea in the first place anyway?**

 **Shadow: From this post in a site about the idea of the elf aka Assander coming back to you mainly because he's curious about you and somewhat because of your many knives hidden. I'm so glad this is out, it's been stuck in my files for a while.**

 **Fíli: *glowers*** **_Soo_ glad you're having fun at my expense.**

 **Shadow: Well, gotta go. I have to get ready for the day. Bye and have fun with Assander, Fíli~**

 **Fíli: Don't leave me with him! *runs after Shadow***


	27. Gorgeous

**Hey guys! Here's another chapter, just like I said earlier this morning. I hope you like this one!**

 **Alternatively: 5 times Bilbo wore a dress.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit. If I claim I did, everyone will force me into a dress for lying and I don't want that. I hate dresses unless it's necessary.**

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 **I.**

When the hobbit opened the door, Thorin was surprised. The reason for that was because Tharkun haven't told anyone that the Burglar was a _lass_ , of all people.

(Thorin _will_ skin Tharkun later in private. That would teach the meddling wizard not to leave out such an important detail out of his plan. Perhaps he will shave his beard in front of his Company, though not with the Halfling. He didn't desire to be seen in such a bad light with their hostess.)

Who was insane enough to recommend a hobbit, much less a girl? (Apparently the damn wizard.) Especially a girl who wore green skirts, yellow vests, a plain blouse, and _bows_ in her hair? They were not going on a picnic, damn it! They were going on a quest to kill a dragon, plain and simple as that. They have no need for a lass who will faint at the mere sight of a goblin, much less a dragon as ferocious and dangerous as Smaug.

Still, even if he had to admit it, the Halfling _was_ cute…

(He would never tell that to _anybody_ because it was never leaving his mind. He rather revoke the quest than say that he was attracted to a creature that was practically hairless. He would never live it down if, say, Fíli or Kíli or *shudder* Dís finds out. That would ruin his reputation among his family and kin.)

 **II.**

When Bilbo Baggins caught up with them, she was wearing a dress, of all things. A blue one with white forget-me-nots stitched on the skirt. How was she ever going to ride properly in that attire? Her skirt would ride up and more of her skin would be shown and that is highly proper for a woman, even in dwarven standards. (Though, he would have to admit he would most likely sneak some looks once in a while...)

She will have to make do by herself and Thorin needed to get rid of those ridiculous thoughts of her being beautiful even more in the sunlight. The light just hit her in the right way and her hair looked like molten gold and amber were her eyes. Her smile was wide as she conversed with his Company, teeth blindingly white (in his vision, anyway). Ugh, he had to stop looking! Focus on the quest!

(Mahal damn him. Thorin had no time being distracted by a girl. He had a kingdom to reclaim and his kin to take care of. Despite what Dís would say, he had no need of a wife or even a companion, thank you very much! He was happy by himself.)

 **III.**

Thorin Oakenshield couldn't help but stare at the Halfling, who was wearing an elven dress. He tried to tell himself it was because of disgust (how can he ever think of something elven-made as beautiful? Nothing crafted from elves were pretty; dwarves had better sense of style), but it was the opposite.

Frankly, the silky white clothing with green leafy designs made her gorgeous; it especially suited her honey-blonde curls.

Though, he had to wonder as he played with his food (ugh, vegetables. Did the stupid elves not eat meat? Of course they didn't, they were leaf-eaters through and through), how did the leaf-eaters manage to find such short a dress? Was it a child's dress? If so, that would be hilarious! His sister-sons seemed to find it funny and couldn't stop teasing the girl. If his sister were here, Thorin had no doubt that Dís would join in.

(He found it cute that the Burglar had to resort to wearing a child's apparel. It somehow added to her charm. It made him wonder what it would be like if she wore Dwarven clothing. More beautiful, perhaps.)

 **IV.**

Being at Beorn's home was a boon. They got to rest, stock up their supplies, heal from the encounter with the goblins and Azog (that piece of filth! Oh, how he wished he killed him at Azanulbizar), and most importantly, Thorin got to see Bilbo in a dress again. Bilbo had stopped wearing a dress after Rivendell (a wise choice in his opinion) and wore what seemed to be her father's trousers and shirts.

It was nothing fancy, just a plain brown skirt with an off-white top, but it still made the Shireling (he refrained from calling the Hobbit a Halfling after he received a vicious scolding from her. His ears were still ringing after that event for an hour) stood out among the rugged dwarves and skin-changer.

(He stopped thinking that Bilbo Baggins in a dress was a bad thing. If it was a wise decision, he would rather have the Shireling in a dress everyday of their journey, but alas, it was not to be. It wouldn't do if they get caught in a battle.)

Bilbo Baggins was as gorgeous as ever to Thorin.

(It didn't help that she was twirling in Beorn's garden, flowers in her hair, bees and animals surrounding her, and a wide smile on her face. At that moment, Thorin was willing to bet she could rival any of the Valar's beauty. He would even bet his throne if he felt brave enough.)

 **V.**

This was the day, the day he was waiting for. The day he got to marry a Miss Bilbo Baggins, soon-to-be Durin.

When he could finally admit his feelings for the Hobbit, he prepared for weeks and gathered up all his courage. It took Dwalin, his sister, and nephews to get him to propose. Bilbo had actually accepted. It was a miracle she accepted his proposal.

(They didn't talk about the weeks of awkward silence between the two, the hurt feelings of Bilbo from the gold-sickness incident, and the months of uncertainty of Thorin's health. It was too painful. He never wanted to think of how he hurt his One, because if he did, his head and heart started to hurt and he felt that he was burning with Smaug's fire, but he probably deserved that.)

So when Bilbo came out in a traditional Dwarven dress, all regal with flower-shaped gems and a white veil to compliment the red dress, Thorin was bursting with uncharacteristic happiness. Around the room, races of all kinds were cheering at the sight of the bride.

(Yes, even the blasted tree-shaggers were invited. According to his fiancee, it would be rather rude if they didn't invite their neighbors. Thorin would rather had them jailed instead but he didn't want to upset his soon-to-be wife so soon. Knowing her, he would be scolded in front of everyone and would be forced to apologize to the bastard Thranduil who would most likely be smug.)

To the Dwarf King, she was the most beautiful being in the world.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Bilbo: Why am I wearing a dress?! And why am I a girl?**

 **Shadow: It makes it all the more fun! Don't tell me you never imagined what's it like to be the opposite gender, have you?**

 **Bilbo: Well, no..**

 **Shadow: See? I made my point. And as a girl, of course you'll have to wear a dress even though that's sexist. But hey, that's Middle Earth culture. Or maybe that's just Hobbit culture?**

 **Bilbo: I think that depends on the race itself. Hobbit lasses have to wear dresses because it's proper and I think the women of the race of Man does too. I'm not so sure for the Dwarves and Elves though.**

 **Shadow: Huh. What about your race, Thorin? Also, don't you think Bilbo looks cute in her dress?**

 **Bilbo: I'm not wearing a dress!**

 **Shadow: Oh hush. I'm talking about female Bilbo.**

 **Thorin: *mumbling***

 **Shadow: You said something, Thorin?**

 **Thorin: Nothing that concerns you, Geek! As for our women, they dress up as males when traveling. They tend to get targeted. And I don't care about the weed-eaters.**

 **Bilbo: Thorin, language!**

 **Shadow: Well, that's not something you learn everyday. Are you blushing, Thorin? You look a little red.**

 **Thorin: GEEK!**

 **Shadow: Bye guys! *runs away***


	28. In Pain

**Hi guys! This is the 5th chapter in my spamming spree. This chapter has nothing to do with me, thankfully (I rather not experience pain right now), since I've been posting fluff/happy chapters three times in a row. So I've decided to change it up for a bit. I don't have that much angsty stories in my arsenal so I'm gonna do it every two chapters or so. Actually, I think I've only got one angsty-ish story and the other had some angst in it; I'm not entirely sure. I _could_ edit it a bit.**

 **You lot are warned. MWAHAHAHA!**

 **Leona2016: *teasing* Hehe, don't you know it's rude to ask a dwarf that? Besides, Fíli can't have _too_ many knives. It's not possible.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit. I would get inflicted with pain by the characters otherwise.**

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 **I.**

Bilbo Baggins didn't know what pain felt like before the Fell Winter. Actually, that was a lie, but the pain of losing his parents outweighed the pain of a bunch of scabs and falls he endured as a child.

(His parents were so young to die. So many died from starvation and from the cold, and yet many more fell when the wolves crossed the River and orcs and wargs came soon after. It would be seared into the memories of everyone that survived that horrible winter.)

He hated the winter and wolves and the fact that his parents won't ever be there again. He hated the cold and the feeling of hunger and all the pressure of finding food for surviving. He hated the white color because it signified death to him and the flash of a sword and of grinning shark teeth.

(He was in shock for a week after that, trying to live through the pain that was tearing through his heart and body as his Took relatives cared for him. All he could think of were his mother and father dying a league away from his mother's clan. They were so close to help but they got caught and there wasn't anything the Tooks could have done in that situation.)

He hated being in pain.

 **II.**

His dislike of pain hasn't decreased in the years after that horrible winter. However, Bilbo's actual feeling of pain, his actual pain tolerance, hasn't increased either, as he was cautious in everything he did and he slightly pushed the other Hobbits away. He didn't want to be in pain, no matter how many years had past, so it was better to be alone.

So when he had joined Thorin's Company and then fell from the pony after hours of riding, pain went to his shoulder and bum.

( _Ah yes, the joy of riding_ , the Hobbit thought sourly, rubbing the sore spots. He hadn't went riding since he was a fauntling as he preferred his father's way of travel: walking. It was much safer and far more sensible too. Ponies were only for pulling carts along on market day. It was highly improper for a Hobbit to ride a horse unless _absolutely_ necessary. It could imply you were going on an adventure.)

He idly wondered why he joined in the first place. Oh yes, they had sung that song and he felt guilty and had been thinking all night and dammit! It was that bloody wizard's fault for bringing them to his home and reintroducing pain to him!

(Next time, he swore, he wouldn't be so easily persuaded by a song! The next time the Grey bloody Wizard tried to recruit him for an adventure, he'll show Gandalf to one of his Took or Brandybuck cousins. They would be more experienced than him, so they _had_ to be the better choice.)

 **III.**

Pain assaulted his head and eyes. Bilbo groaned as he struggled to his feet. What in Yavannah's name happened to him? Did Kíli try to head-butt him again? Was this whole thing a dream and he was still in the Shire, spending the night drinking with his Took cousins and getting a migraine the next morning?

(No, memories assaulted him, and he can all too clearly remember the storm, Thorin's words, falling through the floor, and the goblins. Bloody hell, why can't they just have one day without trying to be killed?)

He blankly stared at the rock in front of him. He… fell. He hit his head, apparently on this piece of stone. Of course. He could have fallen on anything, but he just got the luck to fall on the _biggest_ piece of rock in the whole Valar-forsaken mountain.

Did the Valar hate him? Why did they torment him so? What had he done to get pushed off a cliff with a goblin grappling on him, far under the Misty Mountains, and his companions nowhere to be seen? He was positive he had done no such wrong－ this life or any previous ones － to warrant this much pain.

(When Bilbo is done with this life, he _will_ sit down with whoever is in charge － probably Eru － and _have a talk with them_. Because really, this much pain in the world is not good for anyone here.)

 **IV.**

The next time he was in pain, Oin was treating him with herbs and bandages and whatever Beorn gave him. They had no time to heal anyone save a short examination and bandaging on Thorin before they were climbing down the Carrock, as that bloody wizard called it, and running towards Gandalf's 'friend's' house.

It didn't help that their host was trying to kill them the day before as a huge black bear (oh, how the skin-changer could easily squash the tiny Hobbit if Bilbo ever got underfoot). As an apology (sort of, the shape shifter hated Dwarrows but had a soft spot for Hobbits, apparently; that was lucky for the whole Company, indeed), Beorn gave the Company's medic herbs to help heal themselves.

Bilbo had several minor burns, a sprained wrist (most likely from his first attempt of sword fighting), and a few scratches. Oin had reassured the not-burglar that his injuries would heal by the time they continue their journey and that 'Gimli had greater wounds than you and he's practically a dwarfling! If he can suck it up, so can you, Master Baggins!'

The pain was slight and not as bad as before but it still hurt. At least Oin's ointments and Beorn's herbs were working (even if Oin's bedside manner needed some work. He wondered if all the medics are like him, as the healer in the Shire was quite notorious for being grumpy and yelling at people to sit down).

 **V.**

This pain was nothing Bilbo ever felt before. It was worse than when his parents died. His heart felt like it was tearing itself to pieces and won't ever repair itself. The burglar (because he _was_ a thief who stole what was the rightful heirloom to the Dwarf King and broken the Company's trust) wondered if his heart would ever mend.

(It probably won't. It will never heal, because he didn't deserve to have his heart fixed, not after all he had done. It would be his punishment for all eternity and he knew it.)

Heartbreak was the worst kind of pain, the Hobbit concluded. After all he had done, all he had sacrificed, he was thrown away after he made a (admittedly horrible) decision _to save them all_. Were they so consumed by the gold sickness that they didn't care if they start a war or starve or break their promises for a few pieces of stone? Did they love a pile of rock more than a friend or their honor?

(Maybe their friendship meant nothing to the Company anymore. He was just there to take the Arkenstone and give it back. He did it halfway － sort of － and maybe that was the cue for the dwarves to leave.)

What happened to the Dwarrows he loved?

 **+1**

Bilbo couldn't feel anything. _Not anymore_ , his mind supplied. The War was won and he wasn't needed. Thorin, Fíli, and Kíli were dead and he wasn't allowed to attend the funeral. In fact, he was still banished and wasn't allowed to step foot into the Mountain.

The Ring, oh that horrid thing, was helpful only once. It took every ounce of emotion from him. Then it attracted every damn orc within 20 leagues from him and refused to hide him anymore.

Now, here he was, in Mt Doom, after months of hiding from everyone and sneaking into Mordor, holding the blasted Ring over the fire. He let go, not minding that the ground under his feet crumbled and he soon followed the One Ring. It wouldn't matter; he didn't have the strength or the resources to survive getting out of Sauron's territory. Not to mention, the volcano was ready to burst. He wouldn't get away before being burned by lava on foot. He rather die now than be run down by said lava.

He smiled. At least he wouldn't feel any pain. That he was highly grateful for. Bilbo was going to see his beloved Dwarrows once more, even if it was for a short while. After all, he wasn't a dwarf and he wouldn't be able to go to Mahal's Halls.

At least, before he would be sent to his afterlife, he would see them again.

Everything will be alright.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Bilbo: ...You just love tormenting me, don't you?**

 **Shadow: What can I say? You're one of my favorite characters ever.**

 **Bilbo: But does it have to be so sad? I'm tearing up!**

 **Shadow: There, there. *pats Bilbo on the back* After this chappie, I'm letting you have a vacation. You won't be bothered for some time.**

 **Bilbo: I don't feel assured.**

 **Shadow: Trust me, unless someone asks for you, you'll be left alone.**

 **Bilbo: I'm holding you to that.**

 **Shadow: And speaking of alone, I think I'm gonna have some alone time right now. Bye Bilbo! Have fun in your vacation! *dashes off***


	29. Customs

**Hey guys. I'm back with another story. Sorry I didn't update yesterday night. I, uh, sort of fell asleep the moment I came home and didn't wake up until this morning. Sooo... Yeah, sorry about that.**

 **That said, I'll update with a second chapter in an hour or so to make up my absence yesterday. I gotta make sure it's OK.**

 **Leona2016: Don't worry, Bilbo won't be seen until the spree is over. He'll have a nice vacation while he's away. :)**

 **Just a fair bit of warning: I don't know what I'm writing in this chapter. I tried searching for customs but all I'm getting are names. So, I'm just going with some observations and headcanons.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own this piece of work. It is not a custom but common courtesy to _not_ steal another's work.**

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 **I.**

Bard was unused to her allies. Sure, she was the one to interact the most with the elves, being the ruler of the newly rebuilt Dale but she still wasn't used to them. Even when she was the only link between Lake Town and Mirkwood, the elves were quick to disappear after business was made and that usually lasted for ten minutes on a good day (meaning she just had to get the barrels from any elf that showed up and sign a piece of paper that stated that she received said barrels). Other times, they didn't even show (meaning the elf on duty was too lazy to show up).

For one, she couldn't tell the difference between the males and the females until they spoke or if Bard had met them before (she was thankful for her memory; it saved her more than once from paperwork and a few from tense situations).

The two genders were hard to recognize until Bard realized the differences in their braids. It was subtle, with the female elves having intricate braids and the males' were simpler. The elleths' braids were about four braids while the male elves' were just two, going over their ears and meeting at the back of their heads.

Bard wondered why they didn't just tie it together. Fighting with long hair was surely a hassle and more of a distraction to them and an advantage for the enemy.

(Bard still had trouble telling them apart for a long while. Thranduil seemed very amused when she confessed why she had problems on talking to his subjects.)

 **II.**

Thranduil wondered why Bard didn't insist on having respect. Granted, Bard was a woman and women were generally considered unimportant in their culture, but Bard was Dale's ruler. Shouldn't the common folk bow down to her? Perhaps the woman wasn't aware how royalty works.

Bard was essentially royalty, being the descendant of Lord Girion, the last ruler of Dale. Yet, why did Bard not exploit that? Why did she dabble with the commoners? From what he had seen, she need not work for herself when her subjects should be the one to do it.

Bard claimed it was because she knew almost everyone in the Town and everyone knew her that it was just plain rude to act as if she was superior to them when she grew up in the same conditions as her neighbors. She also gave the additional point that she would _never_ (strong emphasis there) be like the previous Master of Lake Town and his slimy henchmen, Alfrid (Thranduil had to agree there; those two were the worst allies he ever had, even with the feud with the dwarves).

Thranduil still never would understand the ways of Men. They were just too complex for even immortals like him and his kin.

 **III.**

If there was one thing that Bard disliked about the Elves, it was their singing. Oh, don't misunderstand her, their singing was one of the best in Middle Earth. It was just as her mother said during her stories, about the fae who would sing so wonderfully that they kidnapped children right from their homes without resistance, and her father who claimed that sirens existed and can lure anyone to the water with just their voice. Their voices were capable enough to rival the fae and sirens, in her opinion. Most of the time anyway.

It was just the subtle insults woven into the songs. If Bard had to hear about 'the lady who killed Smaug yet couldn't dress her state' one more time, she was going to kill them, alliance or not! So what if she liked her breeches and shirts; they were comfortable and far more reliable than dresses.

(She wasn't kidding on the 'killing' part. She threw a rather ugly brown vase at the elleth and would not apologize the other week. Thranduil was exasperated with her stubbornness but she didn't care one bit. She still cleaned her mess though.)

 **IV.**

Thranduil often thought of Dale's alliance with Erebor. Why did Bard even bother to ally themselves with dwarves? All they cared was gold! The Greenwood was enough to help protect Dale should they need it.

(He didn't want to think of Tauriel's love for the second Ereborian Prince nor of the Halfling's heartbreak when Oakenshield died nor of the severed bond between Bard's eldest daughter and of Oakenshield's Heir Apparent. No, Thranduil didn't want to think about any of it.

It was far better to just ignore the problem.)

Those blasted dwarves were still recovering from Smaug. Did Bard think it wise to ally herself with them when they can barely protect themselves from any enemy they will assuredly make? Perhaps it was Man's silly nature to ally themselves with the weaker beings.

After all, there were so many legends of Men befriending _everything_ , even creatures that were known to kill them. And legends _does_ have some truth to them.

 **V.**

Bard knew of the Woodland Elves' conservative nature, but how did they survive not eating meat? Surely Thranduil and his kingdom couldn't survive on just greens and fish?

(Not to mention, she wasn't very particular to vegetables. It must have been a passed down trait because she couldn't count all the times her children not-so-subtly threw them away.)

How could they only eat meat on special occasions? Meat was part of the food pyramid; it was the building block for almost everything in the body! Did the elves not know or were they just messing with her every time she visited Thranduil?

(The blasted Elf King had the gall to smirk at her and shrug. _Grr!_ If only she could smack that smile off his face, let's see who would be the one cradling a bruised face and pride!)

Perhaps the next time the Halfling visited in this part of the world, she could persuade him to give a… mass lecture to the entire elven kingdom. ( _Let's see who's smirking then!_ )

Still, Elves were weird, she decided.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Bard: *hissing* Why am I a girl in this story exactly?** **Shadow: It's more fun this way!**

 **Thranduil: You look rather... different as a female.**

 **Bard: ...Are you implying something, Thranduil?**

 **Shadow: Ooh. Bard seems to have that 'infamous temper' we girls have. I wouldn't anger him, Thranduil.**

 **Thranduil: *scoff* As if I'm afraid of a woman. Human women are far too weak to lend damage to an elf. Bard as a woman won't hurt me much.**

 **Shadow: ...**

 **Bard: ...**

 **Thranduil: ...**

 **Shadow: _Run, you asshole._**

 **Bard: You just pissed off Shadow.**

 ***Shadow runs after Thranduil, shouting curses and throwing things at hand***


	30. Migraines

**So here's the next chapter of my little spamming spree. There's another reason I have posted this because I am currently carrying the biggest headache on earth. OK, I'm exaggerating but it's still bad. Not to mention I had to collect money from my classmates for graduation and I panicked. I thought I lost six hundred pesos since one of my classmates also signed another's place and my records got mixed up. And 600 pesos is a huge sum of money for a student that doesn't and can't have a job (yet) and refuses to ask for more from their parents.**

 **We fixed it up eventually. Still, it didn't help my headache.**

 **We've been having too much of the main characters so I've decided to use Balin as my muse today. He seems to be the appropriate choice, aside form Thorin anyway, to get this many headaches in such a short span of time. OK, maybe not short span of time, but I'm sure you guys know what I mean.**

 **Anyway, news on my personal life: I don't have any community service despite being late to some classes a couple of times, because of me collecting the money for graduation. Apparently it's a legit reason according to my homeroom teacher. So that means I can continue writing my stories. Yay!**

 **Leona2016: Huh, I'm surprised you reviewed so early. That is a nice surprise. I'll try to not overstrain myself, which wouldn't be a problem since I absolutely have nothing to do in school. And for the record, Thranduil is blushing. Either from rage from getting hit with the cabbage or from the 'pretty' comment. Nice throw, by the way!**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing literature wise except for the pathetic attempts of stories I am posting/ trying to write. And The Hobbit counts for that.**

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 **I.**

Balin had a migraine the day Smaug took Erebor from the Dwarrows. He had spent the morning refereeing a political match between two nobles arguing about the treasury and kitchen and other mundane matters when the drake attacked. It was a miracle (shh!) that the meeting ended. He thought that, perhaps, the nobles wouldn't take notice of all the rumbling and roars from outside the mountain and would have continued the argument regardless of an attack.

(He still remembered that day. He doubted _anyone_ could have forgotten it. Pain pounding into his temples as he stumbled around to the barracks, trying to find his way to Prince Thorin, and nearly getting killed because of it. Dragon fire blasting near his body with the addition of a vicious migraine was not the best experience in the world.)

Over the years, the son of Fundin wondered if he could have made a difference and saved more lives if he didn't have a headache and could have stalled the dragon.

(He knew it was foolish thought, thinking he can stop a bloody creature hundreds － _thousands_ － of times bigger than he was. That didn't mean he couldn't stop thinking about it. Balin was an adviser for a reason; he could have thought up a plan that would, at the very least, stall Smaug! But no, he almost got burned to a crisp and would have, had it not been for Thorin at the time.)

 **II.**

Balin's position as adviser/scribe often gave him migraines. He didn't mind that. It was a hazard, honestly. However, he had to work with pig-headed 'nobles' － Dwarrow who believed that they can take nobility and act superior to others (HA! He studied the lineage of nobility since he could go to lessons, as a hobby no less. There was no way 'Grimjaw' was a real name) － and idiots who mishandled the books. That was a pain.

He enjoyed teaching them their rightful place.

(He really enjoyed watching the fakes look horrified for getting caught in the act and the idiots cringe in fear as he tore into them. They never came back nor destroyed the books again, but more _did_ come in their place. It was always a joy to teach them some manners.)

 **III.**

The song － which was catchy, he had to admit － gave him a headache. It reminded him too much of the time when he, Dwalin and Thorin made up 'That's What Notol Hates,' when they had too much ale.

(They really hate Notol, who acted so superior and mighty. Even Thorin's grandfather wasn't as proud as that dwarf. It was quite fun breaking his things even though they didn't need to.)

Balin hoped no one will know his involvement. Maybe if he stuffed Dwalin with the ale Master Baggins has, Dwalin would be too drunk to even talk.

…No, they needed to rise early the next day and he didn't want to deal with a Dwalin that was too grumpy and had a hangover.

(He was young, foolish, and drunk! Even if it became a tradition over the past decades, Balin didn't want to be known as a creator of that drinking song!

…Not that he would admit he liked the thought of it.)

 **IV.**

Interacting with elves will always give any Dwarrow a headache. Unfortunately, as the adviser and the oldest, he had the responsibility to talk to Lord Elrond (even if Thorin was the de facto King of the Dwarves).

The pain behind his eyes grew worse when Thorin handed over the map.

(Yes, he knew that the elf was the Company's only hope in reading the moon runes, but that didn't mean he had to like it! What Dwarf in their right mind would trust an elf to not lead them astray?)

 **V.**

Balin, son of Fundin, had a constant migraine blooming behind his eyes for the past days. It started right as they crossed into Laketown but steadily increased as they journeyed to Erebor. It spiked up after Thorin ordered the search for the Arkenstone.

He didn't mind, not really… They needed to find it fast. But with all the stress and nonstop searching, he wanted a break from everything… Wait, why was he stopping? They needed the Arkenstone… Thorin was right; thieves could steal it… That couldn't happen. The Arkenstone was theirs to keep!

(Everything was fuzzy and all he could think was about the Arkenstone. He vaguely knew that he had to rest and eat and drink, but the Arkenstone was more important than any of those things. Besides, Bilbo was there to help them do those things when it was necessary.)

They have to find it… Before it was too late.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Shadow: Ugggghhh**

 **Balin: You too, lassie?**

 **Shadow: Yup. How's your head, Balin? Sorry I chose you as my guinea pig...**

 **Balin: I've experienced worse. Though, you are surprisingly on point with the elves. Any dwarf will agree with me that they are a pain to deal with.**

 **Shadow: Yes, I suppose if I have to interact with elves, it would be rather awkward. I'm already socially inept; I don't need elves' stiff behaviors.**

 **Balin: Word of advice, lassie: avoid them if you are feeling as bad as you do now.**

 **Shadow: Thanks Balin. I have to go; I'm going to sleep off this headache and get some rest for tomorrow. Bye..**


	31. Proposals

**Hey guys. Hehehe... I almost forgot to post this tonight. I was sorta busy reading and preparing for an activity tomorrow morning for school so I didn't realize the time. Luckily, I looked at the clock and made sure I edited this as much as possible so you could enjoy it.**

 **Leona2016: Thanks! I did get rid of my headache, though Balin still has his. It's lessening though, so good for him!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit. If I did, no one but the orcs would have died in the Battle of the Five Armies.**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **I.**

Tauriel knew she was beautiful, with her 'exotic' red hair that was rarely seen in Elves (she really didn't care that her hair was red). She was of age, just passing her 100th birthday. The elleth wanted to live her life with no worries. She wanted to become Captain of the Guard (she would be the first woman ever!), protecting the King and the Realm she called home. She wanted to meet people and travel to the different kingdoms and learn their customs.

Marriage and babies counted as worries. (Bleh! Who wanted attention-seeking, screaming, smelly babies? Not to mention, she would already be taking care of one other person, more would just complicate matters! Indeed, the idea of babies and husbands was disgusting.)

Tauriel declined the elf (he was rather plain, having a flat face and a mean stare and he wasn't that athletic either and he seemed rather impatient), stating she had no wish to marry. He left for Lothlorien and Tauriel hadn't seen him since.

(Not that she minded. She was all too eager to get any idea of marriage out of her head.)

 **II.**

"Will you marry me?"

"No," she groaned for the fifth time. "I will not marry you, Master Coron. One, I am an elf and you are mortal. Two, I barely know you. Third and last, I. Don't. Like. You. Now, goodbye," Tauriel stomped away.

She was in Dale once more, as Legolas wanted to buy something from its market, and as his personal bodyguard, she had to go with him. This usually happened every fortnight, as the ellon was quite forgetful in what he needed in the near future. Hopefully it would pass soon.

Unfortunately, with all those visits, Tauriel had somehow managed to get the attention of a low-level noble. And Eru, was he persistent.

"That was brutal," Legolas dropped next to her from above a rooftop. The Elven Prince glared subtly at the human. "I approve."

"Why, thank you, Legolas," the older elf grinned. "It's a good skill to have, beating off unwanted suitors. You should try it sometime."

The young Elf Prince laughed lightly. "I shall learn it from you then."

 **III.**

The young Captain of the Guard (hah! She did it! The first female Captain and the youngest also!) was avoiding all male beings. Unfortunately, as the Captain, most of the Guard were male and they had a mission to embark on, so Tauriel had to go and brief them on the mission.

The main reason for the avoidance was because of one of the elf soldiers.

Ilthuryn was one of the flirtiest and most promiscuous Elves in the Greenwood and he was always chasing some elleth and trying to manipulate them. He was the bane of all single elf-maids in the kingdom. Unfortunately, Ilthuryn took notice of her and was stalking the redhead and she was getting tired of looking behind her shoulder and saying no to his pathetic advances. No matter how many times she gave him a schedule that _never_ intersected with her own, he always managed to find the time to annoy her during his shifts.

Perhaps she should tell Legolas? There was a possibility that the Crown Prince would tell his father and he would do something. It probably helped that there were several elleths that were always complaining about him. Yes, he'll definitely throw the blasted molester into the dungeons.

(She decided to do it after the briefing. There would be some time before the mission and since Ilthuryn won't be joining her squad, perhaps Legolas could do something about his behavior.)

He somehow mysteriously disappeared the next fortnight.

 **IV.**

"Your Highness," Tauriel bowed respectfully to the seated king. Oddly, it was just the two of them; no soldiers, servants, or the other court members. It looked rather lonely at the moment. "How may I help you today?"

"Tauriel, I am in need of your opinion," Thranduil said. He continued bluntly, "Who do you think would suit best to be Queen of Mirkwood?"

The redhead slowly thought it over. "I suppose the best would be someone who cares for the Realm and especially for you, Your Highness, and for Prince Legolas. It would be unbecoming if she did not."

"How would you like to be the Queen of Mirkwood?"

The elf-maid stared blankly before choking. Be the Queen? Didn't the King still love the late Queen Faylen? She was too young for this; why was she even thinking about it?! Even if she was over 500 years of age, it was too young!

The king continued, "As the Captain of the Guard, you would naturally care for the kingdom, and as my son's friend for hundreds of years, you would care for him."

"That's a most generous offer, Your Highness," the redhead commented carefully. After all, she didn't want to upset the king and get thrown into the dungeons, lose her position, or exiled. "But I cannot accept."

The blond inspected her, probably looking for any hesitation. "Very well. You may leave, Tauriel," Seeing none, the King motioned for her to leave.

The Captain was glad to leave the room and the awkwardness behind with the king.

 **V.**

"Legolas, I cannot accept," Tauriel admitted softly, looking away. The blond nodded and turned to leave, but then looked over his shoulder.

"I will ask again in the future, Tauriel." His eyes were blazing with determination and Tauriel had no doubt that he wouldn't.

Tauriel nodded and they separated. Legolas had suddenly asked the elleth and Tauriel had said no out of habit and propriety. Legolas felt like a big brother, therefore Tauriel can't marry him. (Eww. Just eww. That was a horrid thought.)

 **+1**

"Will you marry me?" Kíli, Prince of Erebor, asked hopefully, a gleam in his brown eyes.

Tauriel smiled at the dwarf. They had been courting each other for weeks now and he had proposed in a Dwarvish way with a hint of Elf customs. The elf-maid had no doubt that Royal Consort Bilbo helped him with the idea.

He was dressed in his Prince clothes and had presented a bouquet of metal flowers, real flowers on his head as a substitute of his crown. Rubies and sapphires and opals acted as the flowers itself with jade acting as leaves. The stem was made of polished metal.

"Yes!" She exclaimed, nearly tackling him just to kiss the dwarf. Kíli managed to get his footing back before they could fall.

"Thank you, amrâlimê." The dwarf prince whispered into her ear before returning the kiss.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Shadow: Aww, that is soo cute!**

 **Tauriel: I do not know why you are using me as your muse today, Lady Shadow.**

 **Shadow: I'm no lady, Tauriel. Besides, you strike me as someone who would get proposed to a lot.**

 **Tauriel: I still don't know why you chose me.**

 **Shadow: You are a very pretty lady, Tauriel. A lot of people would be clamoring to get married to you. Your husband aka Kíli is very lucky to have you as a wife.**

 **Tauriel: But..**

 **Shadow: Shhh. Just dwell on the fact you and Kíli are getting married. I wish you luck in your life! Though I gotta leave now. It's almost midnight.**

 **Tauriel: Very well, goodnight, Shadow.**

 **Shadow: See ya!**


End file.
